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Chapter 13
In the Amber Sunlight
Thwarting every bit of earned wisdom and experience about the predictability of English weather, the next day was another beautiful one. The sunshine was warm, the breeze lively and deliciously cool. The fields were awash with birdsong and bumblebees carrying out their merry work among the wildflowers, and the hands hummed and chatted pleasantly during the morning watering.
To Laurence, though, it was all as grim and terrible as a graveyard.
What in the world could be wrong with Alicia?
The night before had been a long one, with Mary-Anne’s words of admonishment ringing in his ears again and again. Worse, the hope that had carried him through the long night—that come the morning he would once again get to bask in the company of the lovely Alicia, come what may—transformed into a mocking sense of longing that turned him into a nervous wreck. At each stage of his morning chores, Laurence had looked up eagerly at every sound that reached his ears, thinking it was Alicia come to help, or at least to pass the time with him. Each time he was disappointed.
If his hope had grown thin over the morning, it deteriorated into nothing when he reached the breakfast table. Mary-Anne and Jenny were their normal chipper selves, but Alicia had regressed into the cold, distant woman he had first met five days earlier. Every comment or joke went unanswered, and when Laurence had even suggested another walk around the farm the afternoon—ignoring the pointed look Mary-Anne gave him as he did so—Alicia did not even look at him when she gave her noncommittal refusal.
Did I do something wrong?
Was there something in the letter that upset her?
Does she regret having…dallied with me as we have done?
Should I go to her and see what’s wrong? Or does she wish me to leave her alone? Could I even do that, now?
Laurence was so beset by these questions that he grew clumsy and slow at his work. He nearly took off a finger with his shears while helping in the fields, and had to quit in frustration when he found he had forgotten how to tie a simple knot. Even steadfast Dennis had been impatient with how distracted he had been, suggesting Laurence take a rest so the other workers could finish their task without him.
I should go see Alicia,Laurence told himself half a dozen times and lay down his tools to run off to speak with her. And half a dozen times he gave up this endeavour before making it ten paces back to the house—if Mary-Anne saw him, she would surely try to talk him out of speaking with Alicia. And worse, even if she didn’t, there was a chance Alicia might tell him she no longer wanted to see him.
Have I been acting a fool all this time?he thought, putting his head in his hands and fighting a tide of despair that rose up within him.Of course you have been, you dolt,returned a voice inside him.What could you possibly have to offer a beautiful, urbane London woman besides a sympathetic ear and an opportunity to practice flirting for when she found a man she would really want in her life?
Still, though his certainty in the bleakness of his situation was formidable, Laurence still felt the tug of whatever it was that had clamped itself to him. And when the hour came for Mary-Anne’s and Jenny’s usual afternoon rest, he virtually ran up to his library.
Just find out what’s wrong,he said to himself as he took the stairs, his heart hammering in his ears.Whatever has happened to Alicia, she deserves your patience, even if that means losing this wonderful thing you have been blessed with.
As Laurence rounded the corner into the library, his heart leapt upon seeing Alicia sitting in one of the chairs facing the window. Then it plummeted back to the earth when he saw the look of distress on her face as she turned to look at him.
“Oh. Good afternoon, Mister Gillingham,” she said in a dour voice, turning her gaze back out the window.
Trying not to wince, Laurence walked into the room and sat in a nearby chair. “I…just wanted to see if you needed anything,” he said hesitantly.
“No, thank you,” she answered.
His instinct at this chilly reception was to run and leave her to her misery. But with his usual pig-headed lack of good sense, Laurence could not resist persisting. With a forced smile, he continued, “Well, then, in that case perhaps I could impose on more of your talents to help around the farm for a spell? Rhea and Victoria could use a bit of exercise, and even if I have a few hands who are a little better equipped for dealing with the horses, I don’t have any who are half so pretty as you.”
“Perhaps another time.”
Laurence took a slow, shuddering breath, trying to keep his mood as light as possible.
“It’s a shame,” he murmured, waiting for Alicia to look up at him to finish his sentence. After a few breaths, he leaned forward and gave her his most innocently friendly smile. “Even those who have tried our summer apples here in Dunwood don’t know that the real delicacy is our localescargot.I don’t suppose you’ve had the pleasure of trying fresh country snails, have you?”
Now Alicia gave no response at all save a quiet breath as she continued to stare out the window at the afternoon sun.
You utter fool,Laurence thought, his heart sinking in his chest.Why do you have to always be so damnably flippant?
He peered at Alicia’s face carefully, though she continued to avoid looking at his eyes. She was even more beautiful than usual, sitting with her ankles crossed in a flowing yellow dress, her brown curls cascading over her shoulders enticingly. He could see from the tension in her hands and the lines on her forehead that she was holding something back.
At last, he could bear it no longer and reached out a hand to place it atop hers. Alicia looked up, startled, as he looked into her eyes and said, “Alicia. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, I would desperately love to know what is wrong. I cannot promise I can fix the problem, but I promise I will do anything I can to help, even if that means leaving this room right now.”
Alicia’s stony visage flickered with anger for a moment, and Laurence feared he had gone too far. But then she exploded into tears, rising from her chair and covering her eyes as she stalked off into the far corner of the library.
“Oh, why do you always have to be so damnablywonderful?” she choked out between sobs.
