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“Go. Do as I say.”
Margaret turned on her heel, and those familiar tears threatened to surface. But no! She would be strong because John gave her strength, and there was no taking that away. Margaret, through her turmoil, was discovering what she was truly made of: strength, courage, and conviction. She was also made of love. A great deal of love.
After leaving the study, Margaret managed to laugh to herself. It was almost humorous how difficult and obstinate her father was. However, if this forced her to flee Pelham Downs in the wee hours of the night, so be it. Margaret would do whatever was necessary to be with the man that she cherished and who also cherished her.
Walking down the hall, Margaret thought of what John was doing that very moment. Would he come to her again tonight? Oh, she longed to write him another letter! She was fond of this pastime now, for it allowed her to share her full love and feelings without needing to censure.
Not that she had any need to censure in his presence, but Margaret still became tongue-tied when he was near. That was why writing him letters allowed her to share her unbounded affections.
Retreating to her room, Margaret sat at her desk and considered telling him something that she had not mentioned before… that she longed for him, physically, in a manner she had never known before.
John,
My father will not back down. It pains me to say this, but the situation is becoming direr by the day. Why can’t he see the pain that he causes me? Oh, if only my father had your protectiveness and love, then I would truly be a free woman, for your love sets me free.
John, I must admit something to you that I have never admitted to a man before. I long for you desperately. Every time you hold me, every time you touch me, I feel like a true woman. I know that it is horrible to talk of such things in a letter, but it is all that I can think of. When I am with you, a heat emanates through me that is impossible to describe. I hope that you feel the same, for the feeling is utterly bewitching.
Please come to me again when you can. Darkmoor is returning for supper, and I will think of you the entire time if only to endure it.
All my body and soul,
Margaret
Yes, writing this letter filled Margaret with the same heat that she spoke of. In fact, each time that John crossed her mind—which was constant—she would feel the same sensation. Was it wrong under the eyes of God? Margaret thought not. If John would be her husband one day, there was nothing wrong with it in the slightest.
Just then, Jane stepped in, and Margaret brought a hand to her flushed cheek, for she realized that she had colored upon writing the letter. Jane looked at her quizzically, and Margaret turned towards the window. Jane said knowingly, “You have another message for me to deliver.”
“Trust that you are doing me the utmost kindness. This is my only connection with him at this time.”
“I am resolved to help you, Margaret… and my brother. Come what may, I know that I am doing the right thing.”
Margaret handed her the letter. “I do not know what the right thing is anymore. But, I suppose that following your heart is the right thing, and that is exactly what I am doing.”
Jane seated herself upon the bed, letter in hand. “You know, sometimes I am envious. Do not take that the wrong way, for I am not envious that you are in love with my brother!” Jane laughed aloud. “What I mean is, it must feel so remarkable to be in love. And when that love is unattainable, it only makes the feeling stronger.”
Margaret frowned to herself ever so slightly. She did not like hearing that her love was unattainable, but she knew what Jane was implying. “It is a remarkable feeling… and a little frightening.”
“Why frightening?” Jane asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Because the feelings are so strong, you feel as though they might overtake you,” Margaret explained. “It is as though a tidal wave or deluge of emotions take hold, and there is nothing that one can do about it.”
Jane smiled knowingly. “It is like what they write about in novels.”
Margaret shrugged and replied, “I suppose so. Although, whenever I read those novels, I thought that this was never something I would experience. All of those are fairytale stories, but this? This is far more amazing.”
“Margaret, with each passing day, I sense that you can break free from your situation.”
She smiled warmly. “It pleases me to hear you say that.”
“You have the courage and the strength. I wish for courage like yours one day.”
Silence fell between them, and in this silence, Margaret felt the most amazing hope! Her very best friend and confidant was giving her blessing and expressing that it was possible. “If I escape from here,” Margaret finally said, “I want you to come with us.”
“I cannot intrude upon your love.”
“Nonsense, Jane. All of your focus has been on duty. You have been devoted to Pelham Downs and me. You must be rewarded for that. My mother would want it so.”
“I will think about it,” Jane replied wryly, getting up from the bed. “For now, I have a letter to deliver, but I shall be back shortly.”
