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Chapter 20
Lucy spent the week worrying for Silas, Dinah, and even their brother, Michael, who she did not know as well as the other two. Lucy remembered her own parents’ deaths, and how devastated she had been at their loss. The news had spread of the late Viscount’s death. Lucy prepared for the funeral, making sure that she looked neat.
She wore a simple black muslin and pulled her hair back in a high bun, eschewing curls framing her cheeks. When she looked down at her hands, they shook. She pulled on her new gloves.
She was nervous to see Silas. She ached for him, and for his family. Lucy was very sorry that Lord Thornbridge had died so suddenly. He had been kind to her.
Aunt Joan was devastated by his loss. Her aunt had certainly considered him a friend. Lucy knew there was no excuse she could make to get out of this. Avoiding Silas was beside the point.
She was going. That was that. Aunt Joan needed her support, and Lucy owed it to Dinah to show up. She would have to see him. It might hurt, she knew, for she would never be able to have him. Not in the way that he wanted her. She could never marry.
The two Miss Wildses arrived at the church, where the family had formed a receiving line. She and Aunt Joan waited to greet them. She could see him, though he hadn’t noticed her yet. He looked pale and sad, though he still looked immensely handsome.
Now that I’ve seen him, she assured herself.It won’t seem so bad.
The wait was, ultimately, to her advantage. She had time to become mistress over her own emotions while she stood in line.
When Lucy and Aunt Joan neared them, Dinah cried out. Their brother, Michael, had stepped aside with the reverend. Lucy could feel the weight of Silas’s gaze, but she focused on Dinah.
“Lucy! Miss Wilds!” She held out her hands, and Lucy pressed them.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, knowing that it wasn’t enough. Nothing she could say could ease her friend’s pain.
Dinah nodded, and her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you for coming,” she said. “It’s good to see your kind, friendly faces.” She looked at Aunt Joan, including her.
“Oh, Miss Sweet,” Aunt Joan said, her voice quavering with grief.
Lucy had finally turned towards Silas. Their eyes met, and she felt something akin to an electric shock. He was clearly gripped by grief.
He bowed to her.
“Thank you for coming,” he said. “Both of you.” His eyes were on her, as though he was trying to communicate something further. Lucy looked down at her feet, trying to think of something to say, but her mind was blank. Luckily, Michael returned, and Aunt Joan took over the conversation.
“I remember your father in his younger days,” Aunt Joan said. “He and your mother were so much fun. Always throwing parties. I remember that your father gave your mother the most beautiful ring, but she had to find it first.”
The siblings all laughed, though it was with great sadness.
“That certainly sounds like our father,” Dinah said.
Aunt Joan nodded, dabbing at her eye with her handkerchief. “Indeed, it was! He presented her with a treasure map, and the two of us together—Amelia and I—we had to find the ring, which was buried under a tree on the country property.”
“What ring?” Dinah asked.
“It was one with a pearl in it,” Aunt Joan said.
“I have that very ring!” Dinah cried. “To think that I never knew the story that came with it.”
Lucy met Silas’ gaze. His eyes softened, and she felt like he wanted to tell her something, but still wasn’t able to. They were surrounded by a wave of darkly dressed people. Lucy felt a measure of relief, because whatever it was, she could never reply in a way that he wanted.
“We should get going,” Lucy said, nudging Aunt Joan gently. “We have to find our seats.” There was still quite a large crowd behind them, and the funeral was set to start soon.
“I’ll call on you,” Dinah promised her. “As soon as things are settled.”
“I look forward to it,” Lucy said. “Come anytime. I’m always home.”
She smiled at Silas, but couldn’t read his look. Though she wanted to see him again, she knew that it was a bad idea. Whenever they were alone, she couldn’t help herself. She let him take liberties with her, ones that she enjoyed. Who knew how it would end? She couldn’t afford to take the risk. She curtsied, then took her aunt’s arm, ferrying her toward the last row of pews.
***
The Viscount’s funeral was a sombre and staid occasion—one that didn’t suit the kind, warm person that he had been. Lucy’s heart was pounding the whole time. Even with a whole room filled with people in between them, Silas’ presence was like a bright beacon.
She could see the back of his head from where she sat. She could almost feel him, wanting to turn around to look at her.
Afterward, the family was going to the gravesite for the burial. It was to be a private moment. So, Lucy and Aunt Joan left, walking through the streets on their way back home in silence. It was just starting to rain, the sky dark and forbidding above them.
“Well, at least he spent his last weekend alive throwing a party,” Aunt Joan mused sadly. “It was certainly his favourite thing to do.”
“Indeed,” Lucy agreed.
Her mind was still on Silas. Inside of herself, she was at war. She didn’t know which to want—for him to vanish from her life entirely, or for him to show up at her door.
