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Chapter 49
There was a fire crackling in the grate. Over the mantel, the clock ticked the seconds as they passed. The kitten that Aunt Joan had gotten from her friend was purring beside Lucy. Lucy had named the calico tabby Jocasta.
Lucy sat curled up on the settee, with a warm shawl draped over her shoulders. For the past hour or so, she had remained there, with her sketchbook open in her lap and a charcoal stick in her hand.
She hadn’t been doing anything, just shading different shapes that she had sketched. In the absence of anything to do but wallow in her shame and grief, she kept her hands busy. She tried not to think too much and failed.
Downstairs, Lucy could hear Aunt Joan talking to Silas, though she couldn’t hear what they were saying. She listened as the front door closed, and then she waited while her aunt walked, alone, to the parlour.
“Who was at the door?” she asked, even though she knew. She reached out to pet Jocasta, who batted playfully at her hand with a tiny paw.
“It was Lord Thornbridge,” Aunt Joan told her. When Lucy looked up, her aunt stood in the doorway, her hands folded in front of her.
“You sent him away?”
“I asked him if he had truly made that bet,” she replied. “He said that he did, but he could explain.”
“To have lost your good opinion is a fall from grace, indeed,” Lucy mused, disappointed that Silas couldn’t even refute Mr Stalton’s nasty claim. That made things worse—confirmed it, even.Am I surprised? she wondered.
“I would do anything to protect you, my dear.”
“Thank you, Aunt Joan.”
A fresh outpouring of tears was threatening. The familiar setting of the parlour began to blur. She reached for the handkerchief that she had next to her, smearing charcoal on the white cloth.
“How about I fix you something to eat?” Aunt Joan suggested.
“At a time like this? I feel absolutely sick,” Lucy declared. Aunt Joan didn’t know about Edward, who had sworn her to secrecy about their courtship and then, their engagement. Lucy had been heartsick at the time. However, she had been able to grieve the end of it in secret. Now, though, everyone would know Lucy’s shame.
“You must keep your strength up,” Aunt Joan urged.
“How can I?” Lucy picked up the kitten, holding her small, furry warmth in her lap. Jocasta flipped onto her back, splaying her tiny paws out and batting at Lucy’s hand. Lucy scratched the kitten’s soft belly.
“Because I would miss you,” Aunt Joan said softly. Lucy’s eyes met Aunt Joan’s. Her aunt smiled at her encouragingly. “Not to mention, it would be a slight towards Lord Thornbridge if you did not die of heartbreak over him.” Aunt Joan knew exactly what to say to coax Lucy to do something.
“All right,” Lucy agreed. “I will eat a slice of toast, but only to spite Silas.”
“And a cup of tea, perhaps?”
Lucy nodded. Aunt Joan was right—she shouldn’t punish herself for something she didn’t do. She had entered into the courtship in full honesty and true affection. When she had said that she was in love with him, she’d meant it. Silas was the one who should be devastated over the fallout. She didn’t think that he was. What kind of a gentleman started a courtship with a woman over a bet? And then claimed to love her?
From what Mr Stalton had implied, Silas hadn’t even found her attractive. It had all been a cruel joke. She had known that Mr Stalton was nasty—she hadn’t thought that Silas was. A hot tear slipped down her cheek, and she brushed it away. She closed her sketchbook and set it aside, snuggling the kitten to her chest.
***
Once Aunt Joan returned, Lucy picked at her toast and tea. She was doing this for her aunt’s benefit, so she made an effort to chew and swallow, washing it down with a sip of tea. Everything tasted like dust in her mouth. After feeling so alive over the past few weeks, she felt like everything was lacking.
Her life stretched in front of her with the knowledge that she could have been happy, but had been denied that happiness—twice. She had dared to imagine another life, and now would only feel its lack.
“Now,” Aunt Joan said, settling down into one of the armchairs. “What do you plan to do? Because he’s going to return.”
“I’m sure he’ll get the idea, eventually.”If I never see him again, it will be a blessing,she thought. Then she realized that if she was to continue her friendship with Dinah, she would certainly run into him at the wedding. She wouldn’t be able to get around it. Though, once Dinah was married, Lucy wouldn’t have to go around to the Viscount’s town home to see her.
It would be only one possible encounter. She could certainly get through it. She could avoid him through the whole thing, she thought to herself, though it made her want to start crying again.
“Lucy,” Aunt Joan said, cutting into her thoughts. “He wants to explain.”
“I’m sure he does.”
