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When Kylie and I toasted to different, something shook loose inside me.
I’ve been living my life this way for years, doing the same things over and over. Why am I surprised at getting the same result? Maybe it’s time I accept that Kylie and I aren’t going to happen. I’d like to blame it all on bad timing, but I know the truth is deeper than that. We’ve been friends so long that it makes any change in our relationship complicated. Risky.
Plus I have no idea what Selene would do if I got together with Kylie. I see how she looks at me when I look at Ky. She does not like it. And that presents a problem.
If I want something other than meaningless sex and relationships that don’t last, I need to be the one to change. So, like Kylie, I’m trying something different.
That’s where Aubrey came in. I did not pick her up at a bar. I did not sleep with her the first time we met. Okay, I did the second time, but that’s different for me. She’s not my typical fling. She’s petite, with brown hair cut short in a sporty bob and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. I met her in a fucking grocery store of all places, and she hit on me first.
All different. Which is why I’m giving it a real shot.
It’s Friday night, and we pull up to Brody’s Brewhouse. It used to be one of our favorite hangouts, but it’s been a while since I’ve met up with Selene and Kylie here. Aubrey is dressed in a short-sleeved black shirt that shows off her toned arms, and a polka-dotted miniskirt. We head inside and find Selene already at a table. Her new guy, Matthew, sits across from her.
I wouldn’t say I’m nervous as I lead Aubrey to the table, but I do have an extra kick of adrenaline running through my system. It’s the first time I’ll see Kylie since I started dating Aubrey. Kylie’s not here yet, but she’s supposed to come, and I’m not sure how this is all going to go down.
It shouldn’t be a big deal, but I already feel guilty that Ky’s going to be here without a date and both Selene and I brought someone. It’s not the first time this has happened, with someone being the odd person out. And it’s certainly not the first time I’ve introduced Kylie to another woman. But this time feels … different. Like maybe I’m closing a door for real this time.
That hits me in the gut, but I push the feeling aside.
“Hey, you two,” Selene says when we get to the table.
We make the round of introductions. I’ve met Matthew once before. I eye him with open suspicion. There’s something about him that rubs me wrong. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s because he was an athlete. I don’t like it when my sister dates athletes; they’re too much like me, but she’s drawn to them like a fucking bee to a flower.
After getting settled at the table and ordering drinks, we start the customary small talk—what we do, where we’re from, that sort of thing. Matthew is from Texas originally, and he played college basketball; a knee injury kept him from going pro. At least that’s what he claims. I’m wondering if he just didn’t get drafted, and the knee injury is his story to make him sound better than he is. Aubrey grew up in California, but went to college in Seattle and decided to stay.
I’m turned at an angle so I can’t see the front door without moving. I force myself not to look too many times. Is Kylie coming? I wonder if it will raise Aubrey’s defenses if I ask Selene. I told Aubrey she’d be meeting my best friend, and I told her about Kylie. She just smiled and said she was excited to meet her. I wonder how long that friendliness will last, but it’s kind of a moot point—at least for tonight, if Kylie doesn’t show. I check my phone, but I don’t have any texts. Not that I’d expect Kylie to text me tonight. She and I haven’t talked much recently, and Selene made the plans for tonight. Still, I’m disappointed.
Appetizers arrive, and Selene doesn’t say anything about Kylie. I get caught up in a conversation with Matthew about the ins and outs of Seattle losing the Sonics, while Selene and Aubrey chat. The food here is great; I resolve to come back more often, even if just for the homemade potato chips and beer.
I know the second she walks in. I’m not even looking at the front door. I feel it. The hair on my arms raise and the back of my neck tingles. Selene smiles and waves. I slam my walls up around me, hard. Nothing is getting through tonight.
Kylie comes to the table and pauses, her hand on the empty chair. Fucking hell, she’s beautiful. Her hair is down in loose waves around her face, and she’s dressed in an ass-hugging pair of jeans and an aqua blue top. The color makes her eyes more blue than gray, standing out against her pale skin.
“Hey, you guys,” she says with an easy smile. “Sorry I’m late. Work, you know?”
“No problem, babe,” Selene says. “We haven’t ordered dinner yet.”
Kylie puts her purse over the back of the chair and takes her seat. I swallow hard, trying to get my shit under control. This is not the first time I’ve introduced her to a girl, so why are the words suddenly dying in my throat? She looks at me expectantly—and then the weirdest thing happens.
“Hi,” Aubrey says, her voice friendly. She reaches out her hand to Kylie. “I’m Aubrey. It’s so nice to meet you. Braxton has told me so much, I feel like I already know you. I hope that’s not weird.”
Kylie looks a little stunned, but she recovers quickly, shaking hands with Aubrey. “It’s really nice to meet you too, Aubrey.”
Aubrey starts asking Kylie questions, her tone light. There’s no hint of jealousy on her face. No sign that she’s uncomfortable with meeting this woman, who I’ve made clear is an important part of my life.
What the hell?
This has literally never happened before. Aubrey chats with Kylie and Selene all through dinner, treating both of them like new friends. Kylie seems relaxed. She laughs and talks. That’s weird, too. She’s usually closed off toward my dates—nice, even chatty at times, but always reserved. Granted, my dates aren’t usually this friendly toward her, so maybe that’s the difference. Kylie is simply following Aubrey’s lead.
Or maybe Ky is actually happy that I’m with Aubrey.
A very disturbing realization comes to me. I liked the fact that the women I date are uncomfortable with Kylie. It was like my secret trap door. I could always fall back on my girlfriend not getting along with my best friend as an out. Kylie isn’t going anywhere, so if the girl I’m dating can’t handle that, it’s an easy excuse to end things and move on.
I’d never thought about it that way before this moment, and I’m not sure how to feel about it now that I know.
I’m also not sure how I feel about the fact that my new girlfriend and Kylie seem to be getting along fabulously.
I’m feeling out of control, and I do not like it. I don’t do out of control, especially when Selene is watching. I take a long pull from my beer.
This is what I wanted, isn’t it? Dating someone for real, without an end game already forming in the back of my mind. Seeing my date get along with Kylie, like we could all hang out regularly and it wouldn’t be awkward. Knowing that Kylie will sooner or later not show up to Friday night dinner and drinks alone. She’ll be with someone new, and he could be different, too. He could be the one who does it right. Who treats her the way she deserves, and gives her what she needs. This is what moving on looks like. What it feels like.
It feels kind of fucking awful.
But I don’t let an ounce of that show. I put a hand on Aubrey’s thigh. I smile at Selene. I laugh when Matthew makes a shitty joke. I can’t quite look at Kylie, but I try to hide that, too.
I keep it casual. Easy. Like this night is nothing more than a bunch of friends hanging out, having a few beers.
Because that’s what it fucking needs to be.
