AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I know, Dad,” I say. “I just have to figure out how to move on.”
“Time,” he says.
I look up and meet his eyes. We never talk about my mother, but I hear it in his voice. He knows exactly what I’m feeling right now.
“Time helps,” he says. “It will get easier. And one day you’ll realize you haven’t thought about him for a while. Then it hurts again, because you feel bad about that. Eventually, even that starts to feel normal.” He puts his hand on mine again. “I’m sorry, Kylie. I know how much he meant to you. Do you want me to call in any favors?”
I smile a little. “No.”
He pats my hand. “Okay, sweetheart. You let me know if you change your mind.”
We finish our meal, but it’s not a very happy Thanksgiving. I clean up and kiss him goodbye. My heart feels so heavy, like it’s taken up permanent residence in my feet, and a fresh wave of tears overtakes me as I drive home.
I flop down on the couch in my apartment, so emotionally exhausted I can’t even cry anymore. The fact that it’s the start of the holiday season only makes it worse. I think about my mother, and her new family. I bet they’re all sitting around some huge table, laughing and eating and drinking expensive wine. I wonder if she thinks about me at all. Does she look at the people sitting around her table and feel like someone is missing? Does she ever think about sending me a Christmas card?
Probably not.
I’ll have to spend Christmas with my dad, but other than that, I decide to skip the holidays this year. No presents, no decorations, no parties. I’m sure Selene will throw another New Year’s Eve party, but there’s no fucking way I’m going. I’ve completely avoided her since Braxton left me, and I don’t know how I’m going to face her again. The loss of Selene cuts through me like another knife. I don’t know what to do. Everything about her reminds me of Braxton; as much as I desperately want to lean on her right now, I can’t.
I don’t know if she and I can recover, and it’s brutal as fuck because none of it is her fault.
It’s not even nine, but I don’t think I can handle life anymore today. I go to bed, wishing I could wake up in a world where the people I love don’t abandon me.
