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I take a deep breath and find my voice, my face still in my hands. “I loved her, Selene. I’ve always loved her. When she broke up with Derek, I told her.”
“That was months ago,” she says.
I nod.
“So, you were…” She pauses. “There wasn’t some dumb guy with a big dick. She was with you that whole time?”
“Yeah, she was with me,” I say. Now that I’ve admitted the truth, I can’t seem to stop. “It was everything, Selene. She was everything. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember, and I finally had her. She was mine, and we were so good together. I wanted to tell you. I was such an idiot for lying. We wanted to wait until the time was right, because we knew you’d be upset. But the right time never seemed to come, and I kept lying. Fuck, that was a stupid thing to do. I’m sorry we lied to you. I should have told you from the beginning.”
“Wait.” She leans away from me. “You’re saying you guys were actually together. Like, in a relationship, together?”
“Yeah.”
“Not just sleeping together?”
“Yes.” I sit back and lean my head against the cushions. “It was so much more than that.”
“But you guys broke up?” she asks. “I’m so confused.”
My head fucking hurts. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I promised you.”
“Promised me?” Selene asks. She gasps, putting a hand to her mouth. “Oh my god. When I talked to you that day, you were already with her … and you thought you had to break up with her for me?”
I don’t understand why she sounds so panicked. It’s not like she’s the one who got her heart smashed to pieces. “What the fuck was I supposed to do?” I ask. “You made it clear that you couldn’t live with Kylie and I being together. You’re my sister. How was I supposed to choose between you?”
Selene puts her hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Brax. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I never would have said that if I knew.”
I stare at her. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I was always afraid you’d hook up with Kylie, like all those other girls,” she says. “You’d have sex a few times, and get bored or whatever it is you do. She wouldn’t be able to go on being friends with you after that. What was I supposed to think? You don’t exactly have a history of commitment.”
I look away, my gut churning. I thought I was getting better, but this conversation is making me feel worse all over again. “Look, you don’t want us together, that’s fine. I’ll do what I have to do. And Kylie will come around. She’ll get over me, and the two of you will be good again. I’ll stay out of the way so you can still be her friend.” I stand up and go to the kitchen. My glass isn’t empty, but I want more anyway.
“No,” she says.
“No?” I ask. “What more do you want from me, Selene? I gave up everything for you.”
Tears leak out of the corners of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks.
“Why are you crying?” I ask.
“This is my fault,” she says.
“No, it isn’t.”
She sniffs. “Okay, it’s mostly your fault, because you lied. But it’s a little bit my fault. I didn’t want to hurt you like this. Do you really think I’m that selfish? That I’d make you leave her?”
I put my glass down on the counter. “It’s not about being selfish. Kylie is important to you. You needed things to stay the same. Of course, I screwed that up, too. I never should have told Kylie I loved her. I should have just kept pretending I didn’t.”
“You really love her?” Selene asks.
“Yeah, I do, Selene. I always have. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters. Braxton, what are we talking about here? Love? Like, the real kind?”
“Yes, the real kind.” I don’t want to talk about this.
“The forever kind?” she asks.
