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I take a deep breath to settle the flutter of nerves as I wait for my flight. I look up at the screen. Seattle to London, departing 3:15, on time. I check the time on my phone. I have about ten minutes before they’ll start boarding.
Braxton and I were supposed to go to London for New Year’s. He even bought tickets. When he left me, I didn’t even think about this trip—but a couple of weeks ago I decided to go. I’ve wanted to spend New Year’s Eve in London for years, and I keep putting it off. This year I have extra money from my design clients, so I decided to splurge. I don’t know what happened to the tickets Braxton bought; I’m sure he canceled them. I bought my own, booked a hotel, and now I’m really doing it.
I bring up my dad’s number and hit send.
“Hey, Kylie,” Dad says. “Are you at the airport?”
“Yeah, I’m waiting to board.”
“I want you to have a great time, all right?”
“I will.”
“Be safe,” he says. “I don’t know how I feel about you traveling so far by yourself.”
“Dad, I’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ll be home in a few days.”
“That’s a long way to go for such a short trip,” he says.
“I know, but I need to get back for work,” I say. “And, I don’t know, I have a feeling it’s going to be worth it.”
“It will be,” he says. “Call me when you land.”
I smile. “I will. Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.”
I hang up, and the announcement for first class boarding blares through the speakers. First class would be great—it’s a long flight—but my splurging didn’t go that far.
I wait for my turn to board, fiddling with the zipper on my purse. I have my whole trip planned out. I’m going to museums, the theater, shopping. I fly home on New Year’s Day, so my last night I’m going to fulfill my silly bucket list item and watch Big Ben tick over to midnight. From what I saw online, there’s a pretty spectacular fireworks show.
I board the plane and take my seat, stowing my purse near my feet, then get out my phone and plug in headphones. I have my new let’s have an adventure playlist all queued up. I tuck a few magazines into the pocket in front of me and sit back, getting as comfortable as I can. I’m going to be here a while.
I glance at my phone, wondering if I should text Selene. I haven’t seen her in weeks, and I made some excuse about not being around for Christmas. She’ll be pretty weirded out to find out I left for London without letting her know. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I miss her, but I know nothing will ever be the same between us. There’s such a huge gulf now, and I don’t know if I can bridge it.
The worst part is, it’s as much my fault as Braxton’s. I lied to her, too.
I lean my head back and close my eyes. I don’t want to think about Braxton, but that’s essentially impossible. He left a hole inside me that no one will ever fill. I miss him so much it hurts, a deep ache that I don’t think will ever go away. Not completely.
I wait while the plane fills, and it isn’t long before we’re taxiing down the runway. I look down at my phone again. He’s not going to call. It’s been six weeks, and I haven’t heard a word from him.
I turn my phone to airplane mode and close my eyes, relaxing as the plane takes off.
