AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“And say what exactly, Ziggy? That I couldn’t cope anymore, that no one cares anymore? That most days, I struggle to get out of my bed? That all I want to do is sleep. That I’m selling myself to the man I’m working for to keep my fucking stupid sister out of prison?
“That’s a real conversation starter. Why not get out the china cups, and we’ll have a civilised cup of tea and a few biscuits while we talk about how fucked up in the head Beau is. Beautiful Beau. That’s all I’ve ever been. I’ve let people use me. Walk all over me for years now, and you know what, Ziggy? I just want it all to stop, to just go away.”
I pressed the heel of my hands to my closed eyes and felt a wetness there, not remembering when I’d started to cry. Shit. I hated to cry. I could remember doing this last night and realised that was why I felt so exhausted.
“I just want to feel normal, to not have these fucking thoughts in my head.” I banged the sides of my head with my hands until it hurt.
Strong hands gripped mine and laid them on the table in front of me.
“You know I went through this too. Still do on occasion, but you need to speak to someone, try to make sense of all this. You can’t do this alone. And Marc and me, well, we’re not going to let you do that. Maybe you shouldn’t go to work tonight. Stay here for a few nights.”
I shook my head. I needed the money, especially after the robbery. I needed to be able to pay the rent and replace some of the stuff from the flat. Not going into work was a sure-fire way for Bernie to not pay me or, even worse, for him to sack me.
“I need the money. I have to go in.”
I saw that look pass between them again, and I stood to leave. I couldn’t stand to see it.
“Beau, please don’t go. We’re worried. I’m worried. Please, sit down and tell us what’s been going on. I know I haven’t been a very good friend to you lately. I know you’ve needed me, but I’ve been so wrapped up in college and work I’ve spent no time with you.” Ziggy looked over at Marc, his next words pleading. “I’ve let you down, Beau. Please let us make it up to you.”
He grabbed hold of my wrist, pulling me back down into my chair.
“Tell us everything, and we’ll see what we can do to help.”
I looked between them, seeing nothing but concern and love in their eyes, and I crumbled.
I started talking and didn’t stop, telling them all about Megan, Kevin, Bernie, even Kwan, although there really wasn’t much to say on that front. Marc filled my coffee cup over and over and fed me, and I continued to speak in between bites. Once I started, I couldn’t stop, and the words just kept flowing.
I told them about my parents, how they’d died that night in the accident, all because I’d distracted Dad when he was driving. How he’d not seen how close to the central reservation of the motorway he’d got. How the car had flipped several times, leaving them both dead and the car an inferno. How Megan and I had escaped, her with the injuries she still carried now and me, carrying all of my injuries inside, just superficial cuts and bruises covering my body.
Megan’s spiral into drug use, how we’d eventually ended up on the streets, destitute and homeless. It might have only been for a few months, but it was enough, and the memory of it still lingered now.
I told them about Megan and how I’d tried to help her so many times, but that each time her relapse was even more intense, the drugs becoming harder as she fell.
We sat for hours, me talking until the words ran dry and my throat was sore, but I felt better. Getting all this out had helped. I’d told no one. Had no one to tell, and I suddenly realised just how much I’d been holding in.
I wasn’t better, wasn’t miraculously cured, but I did feel a little lighter until I looked at the time. I needed to get to work, no matter how much Ziggy and Marc objected, but I had a stronger resolve. I knew that if I held out tonight, I would be able to do it again.
Marc drove me home and for the first time all day, I checked my phone. I’d left it alone all day and suddenly remembered the text message.
Not many people messaged me, and I knew it’d either be Megan or Bernie. Ziggy was the only other one, but I’d spent all day with him.
I was shocked as hell to see a message from Kwan, and another little tendril wrapped itself around my brain, those darker thoughts sneaking in. Why the hell was he messaging me when he couldn’t even acknowledge me last night?
I dashed inside the flat, taking the stairs two at a time, happy to see the door untouched and seemingly still locked. Marc followed me in, whistling as he looked around him.
“Fuck, Beau. They did a number on you. You have nothing left.”
I went to get ready in the bedroom, but I could hear him opening and closing cupboards, no doubt seeing what I did have left, which I knew not to be a lot. I was embarrassed at the state of the flat and the fact that I had very little and dressed quickly, throwing on my jeans and black polo shirt before pulling on my well-worn Dr Marten boots.
“I’ve changed the locks, so they shouldn’t be able to get back in at least.” I said, putting my wallet and phone into the pocket of my thin jacket.
“Come and stay with us, just for a while. You know you’re always welcome.”
I did know, but a stupid part of me thought I still needed to be here for Megan, if she ever decided to come back.
“Thanks, Marc, but I’m staying here. It’s my home, shitty as it is.”
I put my hand on his arm, stopping him from looking into anything else.
“I’ll be okay, I promise, and I won’t do anything stupid.”
“You’d better not. I won’t have Ziggy upset, and he would be if you did something so fucking stupid. Understand? But let me put you in touch with someone. Even Ziggy had help after his ordeal, and I still have the number of his therapist. It would help.”
Marc could be a scary fucker when he wanted to be. All muscled and tattooed, but he was the kindest, most sincere person you could ever wish to meet. He cared, not just for Ziggy, but for every person he knew. He was a real gentleman, and I knew he was trying to help.
“I know, and thank you. But I promised, remember? Now come on, else I’ll be late, and Bernie will never forget.”
But as I walked into the club that night and saw him standing there in his usual blue suit, all my resolve flew out of the window. He was going to ask me, seeing the lascivious look on his face. He wasn’t going to make this easy, but I had to do it, had to stand up to that bastard.
I put my shoulders back and set my jaw, pulling myself up to my full height. It wasn’t going to be easy, but this time, I wasn’t going down without a fight.
