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BEAU
Istormed up the two flights of stairs and into the flat, throwing my hands over my nose as I opened the door. Megan was lying comatose on the couch, the stench of vomit and piss in the air. What the fuck had she been doing since she got home? I had my answer as her on-off boyfriend, Kevin, stumbled out of the bathroom, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. Hisbloodshot eyes left me in no doubt about what he'd been doing.
“Shut the fucking music off, Kevin,” I shouted as I walked over to Megan, checking to make sure she at least had a pulse. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d taken too much and almost died, but every time she promised she’d change, that she would stay off the stuff, clean herself up. That lasted for a few months, but then old habits would resurface, as would Kevin, and we’d start the cycle all over again.
Kevin stood and looked at me as if he hadn’t heard a word I’d said. I sighed. Might as well do it myself.
I stepped away from Megan, relieved that she just seemed to be sleeping, and turned off the old CD player we had in the corner. I’d found it at a local charity shop. It worked ok, still played CDs, but the radio and tape deck were knackered. No streaming services for me. I only had a basic phone, and as far as I was aware, Megan didn’t have one. With just me working, there was never much left after food and rent to buy anything else.
How Megan got the money to fund her habit, I did not want to contemplate right now. I had an idea and thought that maybe Kevin was her pimp, but I couldn’t be sure. He always seemed to have the designer gear, though, the expensive trackies, the new trainers and the latest phones too. But us? We didn’t have two spare pennies to rub together, living hand to mouth each month.
Megan didn’t contribute. Oh, she tried to get a job when she was clean, but they soon let her go when the drugs took hold again, and we’d be back to square one. I worked job after job, but nothing seemed to stick. This job at Bernie’s was the only one I’d managed to keep, but I think that was more down to the fact he liked to keep me around purely for his pleasure, nothing more.
I sighed. I was getting tired of doing this day after day, month after month, year after year. I’d need to speak to Megan again, tell her the risk she was taking and that if she didn’t stop trying to deal in the club, I’d lose my job, we’d lose the flat and we’d be on the streets again.
It’d been a while since that had happened, a couple of years, but the memory of it was still fresh in my mind, and it wasn’t something I wanted to experience again, especially not in winter. Thankfully, we’d only lived like that for a couple of months, but it was two months too long. After Mum and Dad had died, we’d gone to stay with our aunt and uncle. Our lives there had been idyllic, but about two years after we moved in, Megan became addicted to drugs.
She’d started on painkillers, but when they’d failed to work, she’d looked for something more to numb the paralysing pain I knew she dealt with on a daily basis. And it was all my fault. The accident, Mum and Dad, Megan—it was all down to me, and I lived with that guilt every single fucking day.
I couldn’t see an end to it, though. My life, her pain, Bernie, the club and these thoughts, this crippling anger, self-doubt and anxiety… I wondered, not for the first time, if anyone would miss me if I just packed it all in, walked out in the water and let the tide take me. I’m sure Megan wouldn’t miss me. She had Kevin and her drugs. All I had was this dingy flat, a job I hated, and a man that took advantage of my body. I should be stronger. I should tell him where to go, tell him to go fuck himself, but right now, I needed to keep Megan out of jail more, and that’s certainly where she was going to end up.
She was twenty now, I was twenty-three, and I still felt responsible for her. My fuck-up was why she was like she was. I was reminded of that every day I looked at her, the burn marks on her face and arms and the limp she would never lose.
But the guilt I carried, I never showed. I was Beau, the good-looking guy with the smile and the blue eyes, the guy that made everyone laugh and was the life and soul of the party—until I went home to the depressing world that was my life.
“You can go now, Kevin. I’ve got this.” I started tidying up the flat. I’d need to clean the carpets again, and no doubt the sofa, but at least with him out of the way, I’d feel better about Megan.
“Whatever, man. Tell her I’ll call her tomorrow. I have a job for her. Good money too, so she’d best not flake.”
“Not sure that’s a good idea, Kevin. Whatever you have her doing, I’m not sure she should be doing it. She’s back on the drugs again, and I know she’s dealing too. Bernie’s ready to have her arrested. I won’t have her going to prison.”
“Fuck, Beau. Calm down. It’s just a little job. She’s always up for it.” It was all I could do not to wipe the smug smirk from his face. I picked up his clothes and threw them at him.
“Get the fuck out, Kevin, and please, leave Megan alone.”
I watched as he dressed, itching to get him out of there and close the door behind him. I was tired and irritable. Tonight’s run-in with Bernie had left me sore, and I just wanted to shower and sleep. Megan would be fine, and I’d at least try to get her to her own bed.
I checked her once more, satisfied she was alive and breathing, and tiptoed into the bathroom, although with what she’d taken and drunk, I doubt she’d wake.
The sight that greeted me made my blood boil, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. There was a dusting of white powder on the basin, a blade lying next to it. If it hadn’t been for fucking Bernie keeping me tonight, this wouldn’t have happened. Kevin would have been out of here before he had a chance to take it out of the baggie.
I had to try and keep him away from Megan, else I’d lose her to drugs or worse, she’d be arrested. When she was younger, she might have got away with a suspended sentence or a spell in a juvenile centre but now? Well, now she’d go to prison. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears that threatened not to fall. I’d already lost our parents; I couldn’t lose her too.
Using a flannel, I wiped the residue from the sink, rinsing it well. That bastard was not stepping foot in this flat again if I could help it. I could protect her during the day when she was here, but when I had to work, all bets were off. There was nothing to stop her from leaving the flat to go meet Kevin or do whatever nefarious job he had for her.
If only I could send her away somewhere, that’d at least be one thing I wouldn’t need to think about, and with Megan out of the picture, Bernie wouldn’t have anything to blackmail me with. I’d need to look into that. I couldn’t afford private rehab, but maybe we could get something on the NHS, or maybe some mysterious benefactor would step in and pay for it.
I snorted as I undressed, turning the shower to hot. The likelihood of that happening was close to zero, but one could hope.
As I waited for the water to heat, I reached behind me, gingerly touching my hole. It was still sore, but thankfully, I wasn't at work tomorrow, so at least it’d have time to heal before Bernie decided he needed to have his way with me again. Tomorrow would be spent cleaning, though. I doubted Megan would be helping, more than likely she’d be too hungover, but at least I could search for drugs and get rid of them. She needed to get clean, and it was my responsibility to do that for her, whether she liked it or not.
I stepped under the meagre spray, but at least it was hot, scalding in fact, and I scrubbed the feeling of Bernie’s pudgy hands and his foul-smelling sweat from my body. I would never feel completely clean, though, not while I let him do this. I saw the pity in everyone’s eyes. Poor Beau. Poor, weak Beau. Beau who couldn’t even say no, Beau who let himself be taken advantage of.
I vowed there and then, standing under the cooling water, that tomorrow would be a new day. I’d get Megan the help she needed, I’d tell Bernie no, and I’d make a better life for us both. Maybe go back to uni, continue my degree. But I would change our lives, and for the better.
