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BEAU
Ialmost gave away my feelings on the beach, and when I thought about it later as I went from bar to bar with Ziggy and Marc in tow, I realised how depressed I must have sounded. I wasn’t most of the time, but sometimes, it just hit me when I least expected it. I’d loved working by the beach when I worked at Sandy’s and would often walk down to the water during my break, just kick off my shoes and paddle in the cool water. It was a godsend some days.
Tonight was a bust, though. No one was hiring, or the manager wasn’t about, and the longer we stayed out, the more I got told no and the worse I felt. Those feelings of being just not good enough started to surface, and no matter how much Ziggy and Marc tried, I just wanted to go home and go to bed. Not even the alcohol helped. I just felt more and more sorry for myself and actually wished I had taken Kwan up on his offer to go back with him.
After the beach, we’d had ice cream and he’d driven me back to the flat, leaving me at the door with a searing kiss, one that left me panting and wanting more. He’d promised to call when he arrived home, and true to his word, he’d called telling me he’d just about made it back in time and his balls were safe. I could hear a woman’s voice in the background, telling him he was damn lucky he’d got some. I gathered it was Hana. It had made me laugh, a sound that had been alien to my own ears for some time.
Feeling dejected, I said goodbye to Ziggy and Marc, leaving them in one of the busier clubs in the city, and made my way home. They offered me the taxi fare, but it wasn’t too far, just a quick fifteen-minute walk and I was there.
I climbed the stairs, suddenly feeling very tired. At times like this, my mood would shift, and it didn’t get any better when I reached the front door to see Megan sitting there. No Kevin in sight.
She sat cross-legged on the floor, her black leggings covered in goodness knows what. She wore no coat, just a thin white T-shirt. As I approached, she looked up, and I just knew what I’d see. A bruise forming on her temple and a split lip, blood caked on her chin. Her eyes were wide, darting from side to side, and no doubt she was in need of a fix or getting close.
Fuck. Why couldn’t I just catch a break or at least just have a night where I didn’t have to deal with some shit or other.
Her face crumpled when she saw me, and she struggled to her feet, stumbling over her untied laces.
“Beau. I need you.” She always did at times like this. It was nothing new. She’d promise to get clean, promise she wouldn’t do it again, but a week would see her back out there again.
“What do you need this time, Megan?” I sighed, and as much as it hurt me to do it, I had to try and let her deal with this herself. Too many years I’d given into her.
“I just need a few quid, that’s all. You’ve been out, so you must have money, and my key wouldn’t fit.” She sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her hand, sniffing again. “Just twenty quid, Beau. That’s all I need.”
“Who did that to you? Was it Kevin or a punter that liked it rough?”
“I, I fell over. Kevin wouldn’t do that to me.”
I didn’t believe her, and I could tell by the furtive glances she was giving me she knew I didn’t either.
“You can come in and get cleaned up, pick up some warm clothes while you’re at it, and you can stay here tonight, try to get a decent night’s sleep. I don’t have any money for you, though, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be giving it to you. I know where it’ll end up, either in a vein or up your nose. If you need food, I’ll buy it for you.”
“I don’t need food, just the money. Come on, Beau. I know you have it.”
By this time, I was opening the front door and she followed me inside. She really needed a shower. She smelled dirty, and her hair was matted. It was clear she’d not been taking care of herself. Gone was the feisty sixteen-year-old that loved clothes and make-up, replaced by this girl who looked years older than the twenty she actually was.
She grabbed my arm and spun me around.
“Kevin said I wasn’t to come back without the money, else he’d do worse this time. Is this what you want, Beau? To see your sister beaten black and blue? Just give me the fucking money.”
It was an easy fix and an easy answer.
“No. I told you last time. No more money.” I pushed her towards the door. “I’m done with you, Megan. Until you can get yourself clean, or at least make an effort, there’s no more.”
I managed to get her out onto the landing and slammed the door, bolting it from the inside. I slumped against it, slowly sinking to the floor. I couldn’t keep doing this with her, but unless she was willing to change, there was nothing more I could do for her.
Hammering and shouting from the other side of the door had me standing again, my back firmly pressed against it.
“Some fucking brother you turned out to be. Leave me looking like this, then don’t even give me the money to get what I need.”
“Just go, Megan.” I was sure she couldn’t hear me over the noise she was making herself, but I wasn’t prepared to shout. It went on for a few more minutes until I guess she eventually tired herself out and the shouting stopped. Tempted as I was to open the door, I stepped away from it and slowly made my way down to the bedroom, the smell of stale sex in the air.
I was too tired to do anything about it now, and after undressing, I fell into the bed, falling asleep surrounded by the lingering scent of the blue-haired K-pop wannabe that had shared it with me.
I awoke the next morning to more banging on the door and wondered who the fuck it was this time. It was early too, so I didn’t think it’d be Megan. She never got up early when she was clean, so I doubted very much she would when drugged up as she probably was by now.
“Hang on, I’m coming.”
Opening the door, I was surprised to see the landlord standing there,
