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“Okay, ouch. If you want me to leave, just say so,” I answer, a little hurt by his words.
“It’s not about you, Zanika. This is about me and my own weakness. I have never experienced anything like this before.”
“Okay—I’m having a little trouble understanding what’s wrong. Why don’t you come and sit down over here and tell me about it,” I say tapping the bed with my hand.
Somewhat reluctantly, almost timidly, the great Anubis takes a seat on the edge of the bed, as far away from me as he possibly can. I start to get the feeling that I might not be savvy to everything that’s going on here.
“So, didn’t you like what I did for you?” I ask, making my voice as kind and understanding as possible.
“It’s not that. In the moment I love it and can barely control myself, but after I have—you know—I find myself riddled with guilt.”
“Guilt about what? Do you have a wife in the underworld or something? I wasn’t aware that gods even felt guilt. Isn’t that a human emotion?”
“We’re more human than you think, Zanika. All those things you were taught about us, the myths and legends, they’re not exactly histories. They’re more moral tales. They teach you how to act in the world. Most of that stuff has never actually happened.”
“But you do weigh the hearts of the dead with Thoth, right? You judge the merit of every living soul after death?”
Anubis lets out a tired sigh. “Those are just stories, Zanika. I know that you have been indoctrinated to believe those things, but there is a reason for that.”
I look at him in utter confusion. This is the last thing I expected to hear from the lord of the underworld. Is he telling me that the gods aren’t even real? That all the stories I have heard my entire life, all the tombs built in honor of the gods for centuries, have just been for—nothing? But how can that be since I am sitting next to an actual god? I can see him. That is no mask he is wearing; he is actually Anubis. How can he tell me that he is not real, when he clearly is?
“We’re getting off topic, though. This is of no consequence. What I need to tell you is that we cannot see each other like this again. This is probably the worst thing I have ever done in my whole life.”
I snap out of my thoughts, and I feel anger rising in me. “I don’t know why you feel the need to keep on insulting me like this, my Lord. Did I not please you well?”
“Yes, of course you did—that is not my point at all. My point is that you shouldn’t be pleasing me. What we’re doing is wrong on so many levels, I can’t even begin to—”
“Forgive me, my Lord, but what about this, exactly, is so wrong? We both have urges, and we both want to fuck each other. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
“Yes, I know that your kind sees nothing wrong with that.”
I stand up and say, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“No, that’s not what I—”
He taps the bed like I did moments ago. “Please, sit back down, Zanika. I didn’t mean that.”
I sit back down hesitantly. I’m ready to march out of this room if he chooses to insult me one more time.
“Before I came here, I had not ever had sex with anyone before. Sex isn’t something that is useful to society; if anything, it is detrimental.”
I look at him in utter shock. “You’re saying that you, Lord Anubis of the underworld, have never had sex, ever?”
“That’s right. And I feel ashamed that I have fallen so low in such a short time.”
“But—you’re so good at it. I find all this very hard to believe.”
“It’s just instinct for me, instincts that should not be indulged in.”
“Those are some fucking good instincts,” I say with a laugh. “But seriously, what is really so wrong with what we’re doing? You have urges, I have urges, it’s natural to indulge in them. If you just suppress them forever then you—oh my Ra, I understand now.”
“Understand what?”
“The way you’ve been acting. You have never indulged in any kind of sexuality, so you don’t know what to do with those urges when they hit. That’s why you basically attack me each time you want me.”
“I wouldn’t say, ‘attack,’ exactly.”
“It is attacking, my Lord. And we’ve already discussed that if you wanted to, you could make me do anything, but isn’t it much nicer when I give myself to you freely? You don’t have to force me into anything. I fulfill your will completely voluntarily.”
