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She lets out a very rough scoff. “Kissed? Well, yes, I suppose we did that as well.”
The forest goes still. “Tell me everything.”
So, she does. In detail. How months and months ago when Dara bled, Eln approached her and began to basically court her, to press wildflowers she’d picked and pressed into Dara’s hands as they’d pass by each other throughout the compound. How Eln would brush her hand along Dara’s back as she walked by her in the dining hall, clandestine meetings in the bathing room where they touched and explored each other the way Eln and I had, about the promises of a future if Dara were to be chosen, the kind of life they could live if they didn’t have to hide.
I feel as if I’ve been struck by a hammer. My mind is yelling at me, telling me it can’t be true; that Elnlovedme, and that she wasn’t just looking for a sure-fire way out of the compound.
“It seems she fooled us both then. For I have had almost an exact replica of a courtship with her.”
“No, you’re wrong.”
I shake my head, trying to determine if I’m more angry or more hurt by Eln’s betrayal. “Believe me, I wish I were. I…you truly care for her then, don’t you?”
A tear escapes Dara’s eye as she holds herself. “Yes. I believed myself in love.”
Now who was the lucky one? I was stuck with Eln. I couldn’t end the arrangement, because Great Mother is adamant that once named, the vessel’s companion is permanent.
“Well,” I tell her. “At least you have your freedom to go and search for other amusements. I, on the other hand, must continue to see her face, knowing what she did to both of us.”
My hands begin to shake so I tuck them under my legs, fighting off the madness threatening to rise within me. I’m getting the urge to go burrow again, and I don’t need Dara thinking I’m unstable.
“Well, I guess I should leave, then.” She slips something off her wrist and passes it to me. It’s just a thin strip of leather like we use to tie our hair with, but there’s a crude charm dangling off of it, a small pinecone that someone took the time to thread onto it. “Give that back to her, she’ll know what it means for me to return it.”
I might actually be sick. “What does it mean?”
She turns and puts her hands on her hips, looking longingly now, towards the route she’ll take to return to the compound. “It was a gift from her. I don’t think you wish to know more than that, not really.”
I tuck the bracelet inside my pocket and nod, accepting her explanation; because right now I don’t think I need any more details about the woman I thought loved me. It’s possible she felt something for both of us, but why would she hide it, instead of informing us that she had the space in her heart for the both of us? It still would have ended in heartbreak when one of us was chosen and moved away with her, but maybe then, I wouldn’t feel the need to question everything that’s ever passed between the two of us.
“I’ll go. I wish you well, Calai, truly. For what it’s worth, I think you’ll make a wonderful vessel.”
“Blessings, Dara. Thank you. I wish you healing.”
She spins around before she’s too far to be heard, leaving me with one more piece of information. “I’ve been sleeping wrapped in my sheets, tightly bound to me. I’ve managed to hide it mostly during the day, but yes. Ever since the ritual, I feel as if my body is morphing into something new. I crave the sanctuary of my room over the bigger spaces filled with people, and it’s all been very confusing. I’ll try to talk to Great Mother if you like and be put on duty to bring you both new things next week. I shall let you know what I find.”
I thank her, watching her walk away and disappear into the woods. I have to get up and pace, trying to work through all the things I’ve just learned from Dara. Was Eln capable of such deceit? Apparently. Do I know her at all?
Eln won’t be gone too long, but I fear that if I were to confront her right now, I’d be too angry. I’d more than likely say something I couldn’t take back, berating her for doing something that hurt me. I’d want to hurt her right back, and that wouldn’t put either of us in a good position for this relationship we now have to foster.
I make myself calm down and take the coward’s way, returning to the bed for the afternoon nap I haven’t been able to escape from since we’ve been here. After rearranging the pillows into a different way that feels right for today, I fold the blankets perfectly before slipping under them and closing my eyes. I’ll hopefully be asleep by the time Eln arrives, and when I wake, I’ll be a little calmer about the situation.
If I can interact with Eln without her realizing I know, perhaps I’ll be able to needle her for information, to question her. She might give up more information to confirm what Dara said, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. But not until I’m rested and calmer. Much calmer.
