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Chapter Twenty-one
August
I feel her body go lax as I continue, sliding my hot tongue around first one nipple, and then the other. She tastes every bit as decadent as I’d imagined, though her skin is somehow softer than I could have created in my imaginary construct of her body.
I honestly wasn’t planning on ravaging her right now, but after the way she looked at me when I stripped down, and after the perfect fucking way she looked in my shirt, in my blankets, in my apartment, I didn't really have much of a choice.
Her skin feels like fire beneath me, and it’s taking everything I have not to just let go and explode right now and embarrass the hell out of myself. She’s trembling.
Reluctantly, I pull myself back to look at her. I haven’t studied her enough yet. Oh, I’ve studied her face plenty, and her hands plenty, imagined what she’d do with that mouth of hers, but I haven’t seen nearly enough of her skin, or her breasts, or her arousal.
I’d give anything in this moment to be able to use my voice to talk to her instead of resorting to my hands when all they want to do is to touch her. “How can I be sure you’re even real? Woman, the things you make me feel…”
She pulls me down for another kiss, catching me off guard. We’ve been dancing around this all week, constantly in each other space, a hint of a hint of a that maybe we want something more from the other, but neither of us were ready to announce it.
The time for that is over.
“You make me feel alive,”I tell her. “And I’ve been dead for too long. I’m only going to ask you one more time. Your alphas gave me an offer. If you don’t want me to accept it, then you need to tell me now. Because my heart is in this. It’s with you. And I don’t think I want it back. Ever.”
She looks at me for a moment as if really thinking about this. As I watch her face in return, I don’t see any specific decision occur. Her face doesn’t change. She just stares at me because I’m pretty sure, no, I’mhoping, that she’s already made her decision. That this is merely a useless conversation to convince myself I’m allowed to touch her.
She signs slowly, as if the speed of it represents the seriousness of which she talks to me. “You are the first mate I’ve chosen.”
“I… don’t understand. You already have three mates?”
“They chose me, sure. They took me from everything I knew, demanded I start this new life with them. I fought them. And I may have found some measure of happiness with them now, but nothing so far has been my choice. Except to leave and be with you. They claimed me because I was being assaulted by another alpha. Not out of affection. Lust, maybe. But no vows have been spoken, no promises really made. Aside from them insisting I’m theirs because they say so.
“Hell, even the first time Kit mounted me, it was in his sleep. I don’t know when it would have happened if not then. By the time we realized what was happening, it was too late; his knot had swollen, and we were locked together. The other guys couldn't do anything about it because I was stuck. He managed to make it good for me, but it wasn’t my choice. I still enjoyed it, but not as much as I enjoy getting to choose things for myself.
“The times I’ve found the greatest moments of happiness in this new life I’m living, has been when I’ve taken control of a situation and done what I wanted to do. I’m only allowed little things, like deciding that being with Kit in that way was alright. That I was allowed to let it feel good. Deciding that it’s OK to move past losing what I used to think of as the love of my life, because I never meant as much to her as she did to me.
“Choosing to go outside with you, because the pressure of me being around everybody was too much. Allowing myself to breathe for a moment and be with you. Choosing to run with you because it felt like the safer choice. Forgiving James because it felt like the right time to make that happen. Choosingtomakeyoumine,becauseIneedyou.I don’t need to think about it. They’ve already marked me, they can’t go back. If I take you, they can’t go back either. But that’s not why I want to do this.”
I’m stunned at her admissions. And there’s… so much I want to unpack there, but later. Right now, there’s pretty much only one thing I want to do. But these words that want to be released into this private space would have such a stronger impact if our bodies were joined. She hasn't gotten any vows yet? I'm about to change that.
I kick my boxers off and then peel off the ones she's wearing, her arousal flooding the scant air between us. It’s a thicker version of the perfume she gifts me with when she's happy, and it's so fucking satisfying knowing she's wet forme.
I touch myself only, until she makes the choice for herself to be touched. I grip myself, my hardness springing towards her, beating in my palm. When her knees drop apart and her hands relax, I accept her nod as permission.
Leaning towards her, I press kisses across her stomach, run my nose through the soft patch of hair, and then enjoy my late-night snack. Her arousal is thick and sweet, and I have half a mind to snap a quick selfie and send it to her alphas so they see where patience gets you, but this work is too important to stop.
I wish I could hear the sounds she makes as her body tenses and gasps for air. That I could hear the exact frequency she uses to cry out and beg for more. Feeling her hands grip my hair isn't enough. I've never been more frustrated with the inability to hear that I was born with. Never have I craved sound as much as I do right now.
I have to stop touching myself because just looking at Calai is enough to push me over the edge. Her flesh is so pliant under my mouth, making me want to start everyday with my head buried between her thighs. I really hopethat'sa choice she'll make.
I lift my eyes to her face, memorizing the shape her mouth makes as I slip a finger inside her warmth and circle the spot with my tongue that has her leg twitching. Her hips squirm, seeking more; so I work her furiously until her whole body goes taut and I feel the vibrations from her voice crying out run over my skin. I drink her down before peeling myself back to take another mental photograph. Calai, post-orgasm. Her lips are slightly parted, and her eyes are wild as she pants, her chest rising in minuscule movements with each inhale.
I trail a finger softly along her body, ending with my hand over her heart so I can feel the life that’s pumping into her. Then I share her own arousal as I kiss her, fitting myself between her legs. My cock is ready to dive deep, but I somehow manage to restrain him. Kissing Calai is important business.
I take my time, adjusting my moves to respond better to hers. She pulls at my mouth, tastes me deeply with her tongue, and grabs the back of my neck to hold me firmly to her as her legs wrap around my hips and push against me.
I feel her getting desperate again as her nails press into my skin, so I push things along by running my tongue up and down her neck, making me wish I had the ability to mark her with my teeth like her alphas did.
“Would you be okay with marking me a different way? I want your signature on me, too.”
I rub my thumb along an unmarked expanse of skin at her throat, wanting very much to make that happen. “What did you have in mind?”I ask her.
Calai runs a hand along my chest, tracing some of my ink.
