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“What else could have been there? It’s not like this place is teeming with life.” In fact, the only living things I’ve ever seen are my sisters and the birds and maybe the occasional rodent or bug within the compound walls. I’m not so naïve as to think that there’s no life anywhere else in this world, but we are taught from a young age at the compound that no life exists around us. We are in what the Great Mother describes an island of isolation.
Others like us, sisters formed together by life and duty, exist in other places and live a similar solitary life. But no one is permitted to leave or travel, even for short amounts of time. Any who try are always found dead in the woods, tragically made an example of.
“Whatever it was,” I say, trying to shake off the chills, “it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Itmusthave been Ernyu, because he barely even touched me, and I thought I was conducting currents.”
“He touched you?”
“He came behind me, and I felt his warmth pulsing from his skin. His hands only barely touched me, skimming my torso, but his face ran along my neck, and it made me weak.”
“He didn’t speak, did he? Oh, I wish I could have seen him. I’m dying to know what a god looks like! How do you think he’s different from us, you know, down there?”
She points to her pelvis, as if it’s not terribly clear already what she’s asking about. I laugh her off. “Ofcoursethat’s what you’re curious about.”
“Are you telling me you’re not?”
I shrug. “I am, but it wasn’t my first thought.”
“Whatwasyour first thought?”
Can I hide my fascination from her? Do I want to? “I...” I clear my throat, trying to choose the right words. “I was completely overwhelmed. Every part of me felt like it was responding to him, and the way he growled…” Heat flushes my body at the mere memory.What was he?
“He…growled? Like a beast?” Eln shudders, but I don’t think it’s the same reason I want to. “I do not envy you that part of the deal.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m assuming he’ll have to…touch you, to complete the ritual.”
“I thought you enjoyed being touched?” I tease. “At least it seems like it when I have you creaming my fingers.”
“You have such a naughty mouth, Calai. Well, if you like, we can experiment with how I like my touches later. Since we have the whole cabin to ourselves, and all.”
Just then, we happen upon the little cabin that will be our new home, made of interlocking logs. There is a small front porch big enough for us to spread a small blanket out and sit on, a thick door, and when we walk inside, something inside of me finally eases. The something that’s been pinching at me all day.
The room is dim due to the sun sinking and being partially blocked out by trees, and there are minimal windows inside. A canvas is strung from the ceiling to soften up all the bare wood of the walls. It’s draped, sort of like a tent indoors with flaps that are tied back to reveal a large mattress built into the floor that’s covered with pillows.
I cannot fight the urge to crawl into it, kicking off my shoes by the entrance. The fabric still feels all wrong, which baffles me because I’ve never been offended by fabric texture before, but as I move the blankets and pillows around to my liking and curl up into them, I feel as if I can finally breathe deeply.
“What on earth are you doing?”
“I…” I look around at what I just did. “Can you kick that pillow over here please? No, not that one, I want the round one.”
Eln raises an eyebrow but acquiesces, tossing me the pillow from the sofa I can just see from where I’m lying down. “I’m not sure. Earlier felt too…open. It was making me feel itchy and wrong. But here? This close, cozy space seems to calm me. I don’t know why I just moved everything around.”
Eln removes her own shoes, stepping onto the mattress which makes me let out an involuntary hiss. I check myself immediately, surprised again at my behavior. What on earth is going on with me?
“Am I not allowed in your weird little nest?”
I think about it, and make myself let her come in. This is surely the only bed in the cabin, so we’ll obviously be sharing it. I have no idea why the idea of having another with me in here makes me feel like…defending my territory.
“You can come in. Sorry. I feel really weird after that encounter earlier.” And I do. Ever since he touched me, all my internal levels feel as though they’re constantly adjusting, and I have no idea where my stability is at at the moment. I bury my face into some pillows, detecting a light cedar smell. What I really want is to feel silky soft things against my skin so I can bare myself and just rub myself against them, but I think that is beyond the ability of Great Mother’s offerings. We don’t have such things anywhere at the compound.
“You are acting a bit…different. He really affected you, didn’t he?”
Eln begins to peel my socks off and rub my feet, easing me a little more.
“Yes. I just don’t know why.”
“I guess I’m not surprised. You were in the presence of a god, after all. You must be more sensitive to that kind of thing. Did anyone else seem so moved?”
