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He doesn’t answer right away, but his lips continue to move and he is definitely counting.
“Why are you counting?”
His breath comes out and his lips thin. Then to my ever growing frustration, he continues to count.
“Why are you counting?” I ask, again.
He continues before looking b
ack down. His eyes hold mine for a few beats before he looks down at my lips before meeting my eyes again. My breath stalls in my throat with the intensity I see in his eyes.
“I’m counting, Megan, because if I don’t, I’ll take you right here in the fucking hallway. Your baby is right down the hall so that would be a bad idea. I’m counting because I’m trying to have enough patience for the both of us. I’m counting because my damn cock is so hard, I’m not sure how there is any more blood flowing through my body. I’m counting, Megan, because I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life and that frustrates the shit out of me because you either can’t or won’t see it. I need you to see it, baby. I really need you to see. I’m counting because since last night, leaving you when I wanted nothing more than to drag you home where I can keep you safe, I’ve been filled with nothing but worry about how you’re handling everything. I guess you could say I’m counting so I don’t lose my shit. ”
I’m shaking my head before he even stops talking and he just sighs deeply.
“Why?” I ask, ignoring the vast majority of what he just said.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking, but clearly he does, because without letting go he turns and leads me to the living room. He stops at the worn leather loveseat letting me go long enough to settle his body before he reaches out with both hands on my hips and drags me down. My knees hit the seat and my bottom presses against his hard thighs. He moves around until he’s leaning back and pulls both my hands forward. I watch in fascination as he pulls one of my clammy hands toward his chest. My right hand right above his heart. I try to pull my hand away, but he holds strong.
“Let me tell you something. I’ve been watching you, Megan. You came into our group kicking and screaming, even if you didn’t do it physically, you were resisting all the same. Dani, being all that is Dani, pulled you in and refused to let you go. She has that way about her, always seeing what people need even if they can’t see it for themselves. Months. It took months before I saw you even smile. But I still watched. Watched and waited. ”
“Waited for what?” I ask, the words coming out as shaky as I feel. His heart beating strong and steady under my palm.
“For you to see. ”
I cock my head to the side and wait for him to continue.
“You saw it that night, baby. And you saw it last night when you went from shivering in fear to a comforting calm just with my hands on your body. I wasn’t alone in that bed, Megan, and I damn sure wasn’t alone last night. ”
“It was dark,” I say lamely thinking about our night together.
“Yeah and what I’m talking about is something you don’t need light to see, baby. ”
Well, now I’m even more confused.
“You won’t get it right away. Hell, you might not even see it, but you will eventually. I’ve been waiting, Megan and after last night, I’m done waiting. It’s time for me to help you see. ”
“See what!” I snap.
“Everything. ”
That’s it. That’s all he says. He gives me a smirk, his dimple coming out with his knee-melting smile and his eyes burning bright. I sit there like a dead weight on his lap with my hands still against his chest, his heart beating steady under my palm and try to understand his words.
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“Everything? What is that even supposed to mean?”
His smirk grows into a smile. One that has my fingers curling into his skin and my thighs involuntarily pressing against his legs to try and ease the pressure building.
“You’ll see. ”
“Look, Liam. You’re a nice guy and all that, but I just don’t think you and I are on the same page here. ”
“Same book, different chapters, baby. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to read fast. ”
“Ugh! I don’t think you get it. I mean, I tried to be nice about it. It was sex, Liam. Just sex. I needed it, you gave it, and we both got something out of it. Why can’t you just leave it at that?”
He throws his head back and laughs. I literally stop breathing at the sound. That burn in my gut coming back tenfold.
A burn that I haven’t felt in so long.
Feelings.
He turns his eyes back to mine and smiles when he sees my expression. “Ah, I see you’re starting to understand. ”
Okay, now I’m getting pissed. I rip my hands from his grasp, instantly missing the warmth of his chest against my palms. I want to kiss him and I want to slap him all in the same breath.
“You don’t understand, Liam. I can’t . . . I just . . . I can’t do this. ” My nose burns and I can feel the emotion start to climb up my throat, but I beat it down. I try to get up but his hands quickly grab my hips and he pulls me tighter against his lap. “I can’t,” I choke out, once again fighting the emotions from bubbling out.
“Wrong, Megan. You can, you’re just afraid. ”
“You’re fucking right, I’m afraid. ” My eyes widen when I realize what I’ve given away. I shake my head and struggle against his hold. His face softens and his eyes don’t leave mine when he lifts his hands from my hips. I scramble off his lap so quick that I lose my balance and crash to the floor. He moves quickly to help me, I hold my hand up and give him the back of my head. “No. Don’t. ”
“Megs. ”
“It’s Megan, dammit!” I scream before clamping my lips tight. “Please, it’s Megan. I haven’t been Megs in three years, Liam. I need you to get that if you don’t get anything else. ”
He doesn’t say anything and when I get the courage, I turn and look him in the eyes from my position on the floor. He’s pulled his body to the edge of the seat and his arm is still outstretched to help me off the floor. His eyes, they’re telling me everything his silence isn’t. He gets it and to my shock it looks as if it hurts him just as much as it hurts me.
“I can’t be Megs,”
“All right, darlin'. I understand,” he says softly. “I need you to be honest with me, sweetheart. Please. I get that this is new, sudden and scary for you. You get me when I say I’ve been waiting?”
I shake my head.
He sighs, “Can you please let me help you off the floor?”
I shake my head again and use the coffee table to pull myself to my feet, going to sit on the couch opposite from him instead of the chair next to where he’s sitting on the loveseat.
His eyes get hard, but as quickly as his frustration was shown, it’s gone.
“Yeah, I’ll let you have that play, baby. You need to be as far from me as you can to think that will put some distance between us, that’s fine. Won’t work, but I’ll give you that. ”
“You drive me nuts. ” I tell him honestly.
“Probably. But I want you to think about it and really think about it and tell me that it’s a feeling you don’t like. ”
I narrow my eyes, “Who in their right mind would like being driven nuts?” I ask him, my voice growing higher.
His lip turns up, just the side with that damn dimple, and I harden my gaze. All that earns me is the other side curling up until he is giving me the full force of that smile. Thank God I’m sitting or I would melt in a pile of goo. He smiles at me for a few more seconds before his face grows serious. My chest starts to rise and fall with each breath as he sits there and just looks at me. His dark eyes seemingly see right through me. I curl my arms around my chest and wait. It isn’t until he opens his mouth that I lose every ounce of air in my lungs.
“You like it because it makes you feel, Megan. ”
I gasp.
How? How can he know? How can he have a clue that I, for the first time in three years, felt something other than my love for Molly and I only did that because of him?
“You’re getting it. I’m a patient man, Megan. I’ve waited for you. Waiting for that person that would make me feel and, baby, I’m ready. You aren’t, but you will be. I just have to make you remember how good feeling is. ”
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“You don’t know me,” I evade, ignoring his all too accurate nail on the head.
“I know you, Megan. You’ve been around this group for over a year now. A year of you being in a fog while everyone around you was living. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to live and I’m going to remind you. And while I’m reminding you, all you have to do is feel. Then you’ll get it. ”
“Get what,” I say softly.
“Everything. ”
I open my mouth but close it when he shakes his head.
“It’s sudden. You don’t get this now, but you will, what feels sudden to you, feels just right to me. I’m not going away, Megan. ” He pushes off the loveseat and walks over to where I’m sitting in shock, and kneels in front of me. “You were going to be mine long before you tripped into my arms at the reception, Megan. You moaned my name as your body greedily sucked my cock dry and I knew you would be mine. And you became mine last night as I held you trembling in my arms. I’ve got all the time in the world to make sure that happens. Sleep tight, I’ll see you in the morning. ” He lifts up, gives me a long look until he sees whatever he’s looking for and before he’s completely standing gives me a kiss on my forehead. “Lock up behind me. ”
And with that, Liam walks out the front door.
I rush forward when the door closes and turn both the locks before I turn my back to the door and slide down until my ass hits the floor. Looking across the entryway, my eyes take in the pictures that are sitting on a small table across from the door. Right there is a picture of Jack holding a newborn Molly. I look into his handsome face, his bright blue eyes and black hair shaved close to his head, and let the sob that had threatened earlier bubble up.
It’s time, Megs.
I close my eyes tight when I hear his voice filter through my mind. Shaking my head back and forth as the tears fall rapidly.
He’s right. You need to feel again, Megs.
My eyes clamp tighter.
I miss him. My Jack. My best friend.
It’s time, Megs.
The voice repeats.
I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them.
It feels wrong, after everything that Jack had done for me, to feel this way for Liam. It shouldn’t feel like guilt, but it does. I’m still here when Jack is gone. I’m still breathing when he gave his life for me.
He’s right. It’s time. I need to take this final step and open myself up to live again.
