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I’m almost nervous to hear what he says. Not because I don’t want to hear about his pain, but because I’m scared it’ll echo mine.
“They’d be seven now…” he says, and there’s a woeful sound to him now that I’ve not heard before. “And they’d probably have a bunch of brothers and sisters by now.”
Of course, the fucker had to have the same ideology as me. In the wake of that, the years seemed to span out, going from a near decade to feeling like a century-long separation. It was those moments that pushed the darkness further into my soul. Those were the fuel to my destructive nature.
“Hey, darling girl,” he murmurs softly, lifting my head with his hand to my chin. “You’ve got to know I had a ring. I was going to take the stigma away. If we had to, we could’ve covered up the timeline of it all and eloped. No one would have known otherwise. And had you not cared, I wouldn’t have either. I’d have done anything to prove to you I was all in.”
I’d have done anything to prove to you I was all in.
I’ve been left breathless a lot in my life because of Beckett Knight, and for a lot of reasons, but hearing that pledge does more than cause the vice around my lungs to constrict.
“He took that away from us.”
I thought I knew wrath.
I thought I knew resentment.
Hell, I thought I knew true hate.
I knew nothing, because sitting here with Beckett, sharing this moment, I realise I hadn’t accepted a damn thing, and I certainly hadn’t begun to take a step towards understanding any of it. There seems to be so much more waste in our years than meets the eye.
And I can’t bear it.
“I think we should go find the others.”
I need out of this room, away from this moment.
He was right. I have so many seeds of doubts and so many unresolved wants, but it’s becoming suffocating. I get up, heading for the door, but Beckett’s faster, taking my hand and moving me away from the door. He presses himself against me, the ache in him evident in the way his dick fights the restraint of his trousers, his erection pushing into my thigh.
“How much do you trust me?” he asks, politely ignoring his erection. “I need to know before we take this any further, Natalia. I can say every second that I’m all in, but I know there’s a part of you that disbelieves me. Like you think there is a part of me that will double-cross you.”
“Well, isn’t there?”
Part of me wishes to feel some resistance from him.
“I spent a long time believing someone based on their testimony alone. This time, I’m looking at the facts.”
I cock a brow. “I have none.”
“Vinnie saw you. My father is gone in the wind. Sebastian came to the conclusion without being told anything. That’s enough for me.” There’s a hair’s breadth between us; I can’t hide anything from him in this proximity. “What else is on your mind?”
Fluttering my gaze to meet his, I know there’s no point hiding a thing now. I have to have faith in being both weak and strong in his presence.
“I don’t want to live every day worrying you’re lying.” My softly murmured admission causes him to graze my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I don’t want you to worry I’m here to dupe you.”
“You’re here for The Company. I know.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“You were here to take my place. I know.”
That one’s frayed around the edge now.
“You were here for revenge. What about now?”
“Still want that,” I utter, opening my eyes to look at him. “But of a different kind.”
“My father needs to die.” He says that so matter-of-factly that it rocks me. “He took three of the most precious things from me, Natalia. He doesn’t get a second chance in my books.” A dark film comes over his eyes, taking all light from them. “He took you. He took my kid. He took my future.”
