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Getting tongue-tied around women he found attractive was nothing new. It was why he generally kept to himself and why it had been quite some time since Brett had been on a date. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time. Not that he dared think Ellie would be interested in dating him. The very idea left his stomach tied in knots.
After notifying Ellie of sloth sleeping habits and watching alarm fill her eyes, Brett decided to stop talking about himself and focus back on the assignment. He wished he could pop all of his words back into his mouth and erase them from existence. He was trying to be reassuring to decrease her anxiety and not increase it, but so far, he was failing, and the voice in the back of his mind kept repeating,You don’t belong here. Some days he really wondered if he deserved to be a FUC cadet.
Brett racked his brain for something helpful to say. Anything that would be productive for planning and wouldn’t leave him feeling like a waste of space. The silence between them drew on awkwardly. He shifted in his seat and glanced up at the clock on the wall behind Grayson before he finally settled on, “Do you think there will be any parts that we will have to carry the raft through? I saw that in a movie once.”
Ellie’s blue eyes appeared to be studying his face. The seconds felt like minutes before she replied, “I have no idea.”
Her words were flat, not Ellie’s usual bouncy tone she had when answering questions in class. She frequently talked with a smile on her face, but now there was hardly the hint of one. Was it all because of her fear of the water?
Or was it because of him? He knew that the other cadets saw him as a geek who wanted to remain indoors instead of being out in the field like the other agents. While it was true that he wanted a position where he would spend most of his time on the computer, he hoped that this didn’t taint how Ellie saw him as a partner for an outdoor assignment.
“I have strengths, too,” Brett blurted out, trying to block out the fear of judgment and rejection that was creeping up. They were limbs of a kraken, threatening to pull him back under the waves of self-doubt.
“What?” Ellie blinked at him, the light shining off of her black, curled lashes. She raised an eyebrow in confusion, cocking her head sideways as if she missed something. A semi-circle of darkness ebbed off of her in a swirling flourish. That was something Brett would have to get used to while working with Ellie. He’d noticed her shadows in passing, but up close was a different story. They seemed to take on a life of their own.
Brett supposed he did confuse Ellie, as the conversation he was having had previously occurred with himself inside his head. He had always felt self-conscious about being a sloth shifter, starting way back when he was the last kid picked in gym class growing up, so activities like survival training made his insecurities creep up.
“Uhh…” Brett flicked the edges of the laminated map as he chose his next words carefully. “It may not sound like a sloth would make a good partner on a boating expedition, but sloths are actually great swimmers—we’re even capable of holding our breaths up to forty minutes!” Brett was glad to brag about his animal whenever he was given a chance. There was way more to sloths than just how slow they moved or how cute their smiles were.
“I didn’t know that.” Her words sounded sincere, and he thought it seemed like she might have relaxed a bit, but she still wasn’t acting like her usual confident self.
“Not a lot of people do,” he replied. “Even in the shifter community. Sloths aren’t very common. We’re even less common among the FUCN’A cadets.”
Brett offered the information in hopes that Ellie would feel open about sharing her own story with him. He had heard that she came to the Academy originally as a rescue who’d formerly been a human. The very idea boggled his mind. How difficult a transition that must have been! But he also felt it was rude to ask. It felt too personal.
Ellie smirked. “I don’t think I have ever seen a cat swim. I hope I don’t make aterriblepartner.” She sighed and hung her head as she played with the hem of her shirt.
Brett couldn’t believe that Elle could think something like that. How could she when she’d clearly demonstrated that she was on track to be an excellent field agent? If Brett had to remind her of that to melt her fears of the river, he would.
“Are you kidding?” Brett asked, his voice bright, hoping to coax Ellie’s mood back to the positive side. “You have gotten top scores this entire semester. There is no way you could be a bad partner.” When Grayson wasn’t looking, he pulled out his cell phone. “And there’s plenty of videos of cats, big and small, playing in water or swimming.”
Ellie peered over his arm, watching the video montage of tigers wrestling in a stream and house cats swimming quite happily in bathtubs. “I had no idea that other cats liked water.”
Brett hoped his videos boosted her confidence. Maybe things could change for her, and she could learn to enjoy it.
Before Brett could gush about all the things he admired about Ellie, Grayson announced, “Class is concluded for today. Don’t forget to meet in the parking lot Friday for your ride to the drop-off points. Show up with enough time to sort your supplies and pack your bags. And dress appropriately for the trip. You are allowed to pack whatever clothes you would like, but be mindful that you have to carry whatever you bring with you.”
Brett swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure if he had any appropriate clothes for the trip. Aside from his supplied uniforms, he generally wore sweaters and khakis in his spare time. He almost asked Ellie if she thought he needed hiking boots for this assignment but decided to keep his mouth shut. He didn’t want to risk embarrassment again.
“See you Friday morning,” was all he muttered instead. Brett sighed as Ellie got up from her chair and left the classroom. He had so much to prepare for. He didn’t want to let his partner down.
