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“Well… he seems best at computers,” Ellie said with a shrug.
“So?” Paige laughed defiantly. “Plenty of nerdy people are great outdoors. I bet if you give him a chance, he will surprise you.”
Paige gave a wide reassuring smile, making Ellie so glad they decided to meet for coffee. “You always know how to make me feel better, especially when it feels like my world is crashing down on me. And when it comes to school and concern about my grades, I feel that way frequently. I just can’t help it.”
“Any ideas why that might be?” Paige prompted, still using her therapist voice.
Ellie took a deep breath, mentally flipping through her pre-kidnapping book of memories. “Middle school. I’m trying to hide a test where I scored a ninety-two. I can still feel the embarrassment of that day nipping at me.”
“Is there anything else? Your parents’ reaction?”
Ellie shook her head. “No, I only remembermebeing devastated by the grade. I know I put way too much pressure on myself, but it’s such a hard habit to break. Why do you think I get so stressed out about it?” The question weighed heavy on her mind and was one more aspect of not remembering her past that frustrated her. It was like trying to complete a paint-by-number with a quarter of the colors you needed to see the full picture.
Paige sipped her coffee with a faraway look in her eyes. “I’d gather you were probably always this way. Things that people feel strongly about are easiest to remember or feel.”
Ellie leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. The patchwork of her former life was an exasperating mystery. How could someone learn to be themselves again without remembering most of their past experiences? Ellie was still getting the hang of being a shifter, but she didn’t know if she’d ever become used to not having her memories.
As if knowing the internal struggle in her friend, Paige said, “Just be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal.”
Ellie stared out the window of the coffee shop, watching others on the street chat and laugh as they passed, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. “I just need to stop getting stuck in my head.”
“That couldn’t hurt.”
“Sometimes, I don’t know if I rushed into being a cadet before I was ready. How did you know you were ready to move on?” Ellie asked, wondering how Paige discerned when she no longer needed to be a patient healing in WANC and could get a fresh start at life.
Paige squinted deep in thought. “I think if we keep putting something off until we feel ready, we will never accomplish anything.”
“When did you become such a sage?” Ellie quipped, though she couldn’t deny that her friend had a point. If Ellie had remained in the dorms as a rescued experiment instead of joining the Academy, she would never know that she had the courage to try to be more, to find her place in this new world. The shifter world.
Brett found himself browsing through the small outdoors section of a store the next town over. After perusing through his closet, he confirmed that there were no suitable garments for this trip. He studied the weather reports for the weekend. All said that it should be beautiful early summer weather, albeit cooler at night.
One forecast mentioned possible rain—thunderstorms to be exact—and Brett hoped that was incorrect, considering how fearful Ellie was of getting wet. He wondered why their group had specifically been assigned to an area that included rafting. Sure, Grayson seemed like a “tough love” kind of instructor, but wouldn’t he have informed them if this was an intentional “face your fears” kind of mission?
If it was, then what fear was Brett supposed to be facing? Talking to Ellie, the cadet he’d secretly had a crush on?
He pushed that thought out of his head. He hadn’t even admitted to himself that he admired the shadow cat. That was ridiculous. He could hardly talk to her, let alone ask her out.
After riffling through the hangers on a rack, Brett chose some clothing that he could layer. It seemed sensible to choose something that could be removed later if needed, and he hoped that thinking ahead would give him points toward being prepared.
He certainly had no idea how well he’d score on handling the unexpected.
Before realizing that they were assigned to the river, he had hoped his journey would take him through the forest. His sloth enjoyed that. He wouldn’t have needed a tent if he were able to snuggle into the welcoming branches of a tree. A warm smile spread across his face just thinking of it. He had been so busy with his various courses he hardly had time to relax. Brett often worked on his assignments while staring longingly out the window at the waiting woods on the edge of campus.
Some days it was difficult to stay the diligent student, but Brett felt he was always behind the other cadets. Most of them were fluid in their movements during tactical training, while he nearly tripped over his own feet or rolled right when he should have ducked left. It wasn’t like he had a choice, though. FUCN’A didn’t have different training for field agents versus tech agents. Cadets had to get through the initial training to earn their place in a specialist apprenticeship.
Knowing his deficits, Brett decided to work that much harder. He spent his nights on the obstacle course or the gym, working on coordinating his moves. On the nights his body ached, he read textbooks and field manuals instead. When his body needed a break, he worked his mind harder. Regardless of the extra work he put into being a cadet, Brett continued to feel behind the eight ball. That was his reason for taking survival training as one of his electives. Brett knew that it would give him the opportunity to prove to himself that he could be a well-rounded FUC agent.
After scooping up shirts with a variety of thicknesses and sleeve lengths, he moved on to the shoe section to find the best pair of boots. They all looked the same to him. He decided on a pair that boasted of being waterproof and light in weight.
His mind drifted back to Ellie. He did not want to let her down. Originally this class was to prove to himself what his abilities were, but now he wanted to show her that he was an asset. So much so that he’d spent last night studying and memorizing the map. He was going to demonstrate to his colleagues—and himself—that he would be a great FUC agent.
He waltzed up to the register with a triumphant look on his face, head held high. Brett was ready to take on the world, or at least the river that would be their home for the next few days.
