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Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes. She blinked rapidly to keep them at bay, for it wouldn’t do to show such weakness before Mrs. Grayson. “Perhaps when I was younger and a starry-eyed girl, I did dream of being swept off my feet by a dashing gentleman.” She shrugged. “We would then live with all the happiness of the world, and nothing would ever go wrong.”
“You’re not an empty-headed miss that believes life is so saccharine.”
“No, I’m not.” Slowly, Felicity shook her head. “In theory, I believe in true love. My parents certainly had that. However, in practicality, love and romance are bad ideas, and once a woman has them, there’s only heartache in her future.” In some surprise, she stared at her employer, for she’d never once revealed such personal information about herself.
“You’re speaking of grief.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes. If my father hadn’t had his world upended by it, perhaps he would have been strong enough to survive that horrible bout of influenza.”
“Listen, Miss Cowan, a person can’t have love without grief. That’s the price we pay for knowing the ultimate joy, for having the honor of finding that one special person to spend our lives with, but every time we give away our hearts, we’re living on borrowed time.” The older woman shook her head. “That’s true about spouses, children, family members, close friends. None of us can escape death; we can only do the best we can with the time we’re allotted. And if we should love hard, fall quickly and deeply, that is our right.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Felicity traced a fingertip over the carved leaves on the arm of her wooden chair. “For the moment, I’m content enough living my life the way I am now.”
“Bah!” Mrs. Grayson waved a knitting needle. “Every woman should experience love and romance and give the same in return at least once in her life.” She narrowed her gaze on Felicity. “To say nothing to the experience of being bedded by a man who has a bit of skill.”
“Oh, please stop talking,” she whispered, much to herself while heat infused her cheeks. “I’m quite fine without all of… that.” Wasn’t she? Not for worlds would she admit that she longed for the intimacy being with a man brought. If she were honest, she would forego that to have a male friend. Perhaps if she grew comfortable around the opposite sex, she might feel better about putting herself into circumstances where she might meet one.
“Which just goes to show you know nothing about life beyond what you have now.” Mrs. Grayson chuckled. “My best advice? Don’t be a fool, girl. If you have a chance with a man who puts you at sixes and sevens, take it. The rest of the world will adjust, and it could very well prove the best decision you make.”
Or the worst, depending on one’s viewpoint. Felicity blew out a breath. “I’ll take your words under advisement.” Not wishing to carry on with the conversation, she shot from the chair so quickly her navy-blue skirting swished about her ankles. “For the moment, I must run down to my father’s shipping offices—”
“—where you still pay rent instead of putting that coin in a bank account,” Mrs. Grayson interrupted.
“—and once I iron out this error, I’ll come back here and take you on that drive you’ve been asking for,” Felicity continued as if the other woman hadn’t spoken. She leaned over the older woman and dropped a kiss upon the lace-rimmed cap she wore. “Behave yourself. Perhaps I’ll bring you a pastry or a treat from one of the cart vendors. You enjoy those above all things.” When everything was said and done, she really did care for the woman. “I shouldn’t be gone longer than a couple of hours.”
“Fine, fine, leave an old woman when she needs you the most.” The widow sniffed again. “Could be dead by the time you come back.”
“Ah, but you’re too stubborn and mean to die, remember?” Felicity called as she exited the room with a grin. It was their standard parting whenever one of them left the house alone.
No, for the moment, she wasn’t looking for a husband. There was nothing wrong with her life as it currently was.
For the most part.
