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My heavy steps to her door echo around me, filling my mind with their thumps. I reach out, grab her doorknob, and open her door with a quick burst of strength. I stand in the doorway with my fists clenched as I scan her small living room area. I'm not sure what I expected to find when I got here, but Nikki curled into my best friend's arms while he holds her was damn sure not one of them. I'm vaguely aware of Ember standing in the middle of the living room, but I can't look away from the woman with tear-stained cheeks and red eyes blinking up at me.
"You're going to fix that," she whispers with no real heat behind her demand.
I march into the room, more tension sliding into my body with each step. Nikki looks from Ember to Nate, and finally, up at me again. I don't move even though my hands are itching to take her from him and feel her against me. Instead, I let Nate know how I feel about finding my woman in his arms by focusing my cold, hard anger directly at him.
"Shane?" Nikki questions meekly, her voice shaking.
"Get out of his lap, cherie." When she doesn't move, my chest fills with air as my control splinters even more. "Now!" I bark, still not looking away from Nate's eyes.
"I've been trying!" she yells, wiggling and trying to get up.
Nate, the asshole, just arches his brow, cocks his head, and throws down his challenge silently. One I have no doubt he planned the second he called me. He doesn't know the details of my relationship with Nikki, but I played right into his hand. He had no reason to doubt the relationship we've been portraying, but he's not stupid. I've been single for a long damn time, refusing to get close to another woman since my breakup with Lacey until now. I'm not stupid, and neither is he. It's his fucked-up way of forcing me to see things around me even if he didn't know I was resisting the pull before now.
When she finally stands, almost falling from his lap when he continued to make her work for it without help, he leans back against the couch and puts his hands behind his head. Not looking away from me. I shake my head, stepping closer to him and leaning down. He's not a small man, but sitting on her couch the way he is and with me standing, I've got the upper hand.
"I see you holding her again, and I'll fucking rip your arms from your body. Friend or not, Nate."
He looks smug. Yeah, I played right into his hands, and I couldn't care less.
"It's like that?" he asks after a beat of silence.
"It's past that," I counter, the truth to my words settling deep.
"Understood." He nods, leans to the side, and looks past me. "Em, you know what to do, baby."
Not willing to give Nate any more of my time with his shit, I turn to Nikki. She's standing with her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach--protectively--and I fucking hate it. Her face is blotchy, red, and swollen from her tears--hitting something deep inside me that no one has ever penetrated. Her mascara making her tears run black as a few slip free, only highlight her blue eyes more. Only, they're dull, void of the normal bright happiness that is always there. It's completely gone. Right then, the rest of the mess inside me shifts, and I know I won't leave here today until I get it back where it belongs. The madness inside me no longer without cause, it's focused on protecting and healing whatever is causing her turmoil.
"Come here," I stress calmly, holding her gaze.
She shakes her head, her arms tightening around her. I make myself a promise, right then and there, to do whatever it takes never to see this strong and caring woman like this again. Fuck the rules.
"Nicole." I throw my weight into that one word, hoping to reach another part of her--the part that submits to me every time I've asked her to--just by saying her name in the same tone I use in the bedroom. The one that makes it clear she doesn't want to pick this moment to test the waters by denying what I'm demanding of her.
She moves, her feet shuffling. I tune everything out around us, ignoring the sounds of Ember moving around Nikki's apartment. Ignoring the gaze of my good friend. My eyes only for the woman who I need to reassure myself is okay more than I need my next breath. The one I'm hoping needs my touch as much as I need hers--even if she hasn't come to the same conclusion as I have.
"Hi," she whispers a moment later, her arms still holding herself protectively as she looks up at me.
I scan her face, the small cut from when she bumped her head a few weeks ago just a memory. The redness from Lacey's fist long since faded, luckily though, it had never been bad enough that some makeup couldn't cover it. My gaze drops, taking in every inch of her. When I'm satisfied she isn't harmed physically, I allow myself to take a deep breath and close my eyes as some of the tension leaves my body. Some, not all. A tiny fraction of my sanity returns--again, some, not all--and when I open them again and see her beautiful but sad face looking up at me with a hint of worry, I let go. Years of learning how to hide my feelings from others falls away. Decades of needing to keep surprises from popping up around me no longer important. At this moment, I
'm just a man looking at the woman twisting him up in knots, not even bothered by it in the least.
She jumps when I move, but when my arms settle around her body, she melts into my hold. She wiggles her arms out from between our bodies. I don't make it easy on her, not willing to loosen my hold, but when she gets them free and wraps them around my back, clenching my shirt tight in her small hands, I relax for the first time since Nate called me. Her heartbeat races against me. I dip my head, press my lips to her cotton covered shoulder, and continue holding her in silence, just breathing her in.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, her voice muffled against my chest. "Shane," she continues when I don't answer or release her.
I don't want her out of my arms, but I can't just stand here holding her all day, either. I give a little slack but keep my arms circled around her body. She blinks up at me. Fuck, she's perfect. Even looking like she does now, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm not," she lies pointlessly, seeing that her eyes are still full of unshed tears.
"You aren't?" Fuck me, but my lips twitch. How she has the ability to knock me to my knees one second, and in the next breath, make me forget anything and everything ... except how much I enjoy this unpredictable beauty.
"Nope. My eyes are just sweating."
"Nikki," I groan, powerless to her charms as my body relaxes even further, and a small grin pulls at my mouth.
"I'm okay," she says immediately, without probing for the reassurance I can feel with her this close.
"I know that now. Tell me what happened."
A million different scenarios had been pinging around in my mind since Nate's cryptic call, but the last thing I had anticipated was everything she's telling me. On top of my concern for her feelings, I feel nothing but fucking guilt for the part I played in what happened to put her in this position in the first place. All because we were playing that dangerous fucking game.
"I really am okay, Shane. I just had a little trouble processing it all," she assures me.
"I'm sorry." I hold her gaze, wanting her to see the sincerity in my words. I leave the rest hanging between us ... I'm sorry for putting her in that position just to put on a show for my ex. It didn't feel right when Lacey started her shit that night, but I let Nikki take the lead, ready to jump in if she needed me--which she never did. It's easy to look back now and play the what-if game by saying I should have stepped in even if she could take care of herself.
