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I step around him but stop at his side before I can leave the room, looking up at his pained face. "2Tu as mon etre." I whisper, and like a direct hit, his eyes close, and I know he understands that unless he can give me all of him, then we're done.
He doesn't stop me. I'm not sure he could if he wanted to, my words doing what I intended for them to do. I left the last part of my heart at his feet while walking calmly through the club. I'm not sure when Lewis joined my side, but sometime between the bottom of his steps and the hallway that takes me to the back parking lot, he fell in step with me. With clear eyes, despite my need to cry like a baby, I look up at him and smile a sad smile.
"How much of that did you see?"
"Don't worry about it, blondie."
"I wasn't jealous," I reiterate, wanting him to know the truth even though I'm sure it looked like something of the sort to those who might have seen the tension.
"I know," he says softly.
"Will you watch out for him?" I'm not sure why I ask, but something tells me he's going to need someone doing it. Nate's his friend, yes, but he's known me a lot longer, and with Ember in the middle of that, who knows what will happen. I just need to know he's going to have more than Liberty to help him sort his head out.
Lewis nods, and I return the gesture. On our way out to the parking lot, we continue in silence. I was in my own head, and he was, well, Lewis. Had I been in the right frame of mind, maybe I wouldn't have lost my mind a second later, but I was a girl with a bruised heart and an unclear future with the man she loved, so seeing the ex that had driven us together in the first place--the same one who had a big part to play in why he's so messed up in the head about this whole jealousy crap--leaning against his car, I was done.
Gloves off and bell rung.
D. O. N. E.
Lewis moves, speaking in his security thing, but I just don't care anymore.
"When will you get a clue?" I scream, kicking off my heels and stomping over the rough asphalt to her. She looks shocked at first, but then that nasty little sneer takes over her face. "Don't even test me tonight, Lacey. He doesn't want you; he hasn't wanted you!"
An arm grabs my elbow and tries to pull me away, but I'm too far-gone. I pull back, not letting him take me from this woman. Her cocksure attitude dims slightly, but she doesn't back off.
"For months, you sniffed around him and didn't get a clue. You couldn't hold him when you had him because you were blinded by your distrust. Distrust that will sink a relationship. It did with yours then, and it would again if he had been stupid enough to let your claws back in. But he wasn't, and because of that, he found me. Don't even test me right now because I'm over it."
"He'll always be mine!" she yells back, but I hear the tremor in her voice when I pull free from my captor and bump her with my chest, making her fall to her butt on the dirty ground.
I step over her, feet on either side of her hips and look down at her, not even caring if she can see up my skirt. She no longer looks sure of herself. She actually looks scared. I hear Lewis continue to talk, feel him try to take my arm again, and then a bang, but the only thing I care about is this stupid woman.
"He's fucking mine!" I scream. "Even if a day comes that he isn't, we will always be connected because we're meant for each other. Stop being pathetic and move the hell on!"
Without giving her another second of my time, I step over her and walk to my car, digging my keys out. I open my door, but before I drop down, I look over at where I had just been standing and see Shane next to Lewis. His whole body puffing with exertion and something I don't even have the mental capabilities to handle right now written all over his face. What I do notice, though, is the redness and swelling around his left eye. With nothing left in me, the fight all gone, I just shake my head and get in my car.
This time, this time when I turn my back from him, I'm unable to keep the tears away.
"What the hell do you mean you're going to the mountains alone?" Ember screams through the phone.
"Just what I said, Em. I called, and they had our cabin open, so I'm heading up a few days early. I just need to get my head together and figure out if I can stick this out and wait with the hopes that one day he'll trust me like I trust him, or if I need to just cut ties now. He's been calling since last night, and I know he's going to start showing up soon. That's just who he is. It's how he works, and I think it's best we both have some time to sort our heads out."
"I hate this," she complains under her breath. "Do you want me to come with you?"
God, I love my best friend. I really have the best one in the whole world.
"I'll be okay, Em. If it's meant to be, Shane and I will figure it out."
"I know. I know. I just hate knowing that you're hurting and you'll be there all alone. What if you need ice cream?"
I chuckle under my breath, feeling a little of my heartache easing up a bit. "Then I'll make sure I know where the closest Walmart is so I can buy some if need be. I promise, I'll be okay. If I've learned anything over the past year and a half, it's how to mend a broken heart."
Lies. All lies. What I don't tell her is that I already packed my portable cooler with a few cartons of ice cream and that I've already consumed my weight in a few other tubs while crying over a stupid boy. Truth be told, I don't know if we are broken up. What I do know is that things aren't in a good place, and if they can't change--well, then I've lost something beautiful. That right there, though, is what is causing me the most trouble. I know without a doubt that if Shane and I can't get past this, I'll never find this again ... ever. I'm ruined for another. My heart will always be his, no matter what. And I've struggled with that knowledge since walking away from him last night. But I would be doing us both a disservice if I didn't take this time--give us both the space to figure out where our heads are. Me, I know I deserve his complete trust. Him, he deserves to be able to give it, and in turn, know what it's like to have someone give themselves equally to the other. That's the only way we'll be able to move forward.
