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"How can you be sure? How can you sit there and know this won't happen again? How do you know that you--the man who holds his ability to control any and everything--will be able to trust me without question? What happens the next time I come to Dirty? Are you going to freak out and put up a wall between us again?"
"No," I answer emphatically. "God, no. You have no idea, Nikki. What you said to me that night in my office, you struck something I've never even known I was capable of feeling. The only thing that scares me now is the thought that I might not have you by my side and in my life forever. I need you more than I could ever need my control. YOU are more important. I don't just believe it; I know with every part of me that without you, it won't ever matter how hard I work to keep control of my life because it won't be worth living."
Her tears are coming faster now, her soft sobs feeling like a whip against my soul.
"Let me show you," I beg, dropping to the floor and shifting on my knees to her.
When I reach her chair, her legs open and I push between them before wrapping my arms around her waist and drop my head to her lap. I hug her tight with desperation and feel my own emotions winning when a huge sob shakes her whole body. My eyes grow damp the second she drops her hand to my head and runs her fingers through my hair. Just having her in my arms, when I had thought I would never feel this again, breaks the dam that had held me together for the past two days.
I look up, not giving one shit when a tear falls from my eye, and hope to God she can see the truth in my eyes.
"Let me give you all of me, mon amour," I plead. "Let me show you what you are to me. 1L'amour de ma vie," I continue. "Let me show you."
She nods, her tears still falling.
Standing, I reach down and take her own shaking hand in mine, pulling her to her feet.
"Where's the bedroom, Nikki?" I ask, making sure I don't use the voice she's all too familiar with when we're together like we're about to be.
A choppy breath comes out loud in the silence between us, her blue eyes brighter with her tears. She doesn't speak but also doesn't let my hand go as she leads us through the house. Her shoulders hunch slightly as she looks down at her feet. She might be giving me what I've asked, but I can tell she's still holding herself with an air of protection--maybe even preservation--wrapped tight around her. When we step into the large master, the room I had looked at knowing it would be perfect for the way I love to take her, I see it in a new light. The huge wooden frame bed, those slats I had thought would hold my ropes perfectly, now holding a new purpose. When I release her hand and move to stand in front of her, she looks up at me in confusion. I'm sure she had thought this would be different. If she's shocked now, she's about to have her jaw on the damn ground.
Despite my earlier nerves, the only thing I feel now is pure, confident calm. I know this is the right thing to prove to her that my words are true. And with each layer of clothing that I strip from my body, baring myself to her, body and soul, I hope to fucking God that she can understand the magnitude and meaning behind this.
After I'm completely naked, I stand and look at the woman who I'll be lost without and give her the one thing I have never willingly surrendered.
My control.
"Vous avez tous moi," I softly tell her. You have all of me. "There is nothing more important than that, mon amour. Every single inch of me. Inside and out. Body and heart. My control and trust. It's all yours, Nikki."
Her shuddered breath hitches, and she clutches her chest.
"I'm yours," I continue. "It's up to you what you do with me now."
Then I look down and wait for the rest of our lives to begin.
"Shane," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion. "You ... we've ... you've never let me have you like this."
"No one has because no one has ever had my complete trust until now. Do you understand what I'm saying, Nikki? I trust you. I trust you with all that I am. All I've ever needed. There will never be a moment in my life when I don't need you more than my desire to control everything. Take me, take us, and please give me another chance to be worthy of your love."
"Oh, Shane," she hiccups through her crying.
Then she's in my arms and her mouth is on mine, taking what I'm offering.
We fall to the bed, her body landing on top of mine and our kiss never breaking. It's hungry, but not in the frantic need that has always been hinting the edges of our lovemaking. No, not this time. This time, we're starving to earn the last thing we hadn't shared before. This isn't just a hard fuck and mutual enjoyment. This is two people becoming something few ever find. Something I almost lost before even knowing I had it.
We shared lust before.
Now we share love.
And fuck if it's not the most beautiful thing I've been too scared to believe I could find.
She breaks the kiss and pulls away to yank her top up and over her head. Her tits fall free, and I groan when I realize she didn't have a bra on. She wiggles against my lap, and I grunt, my cock needing her.
"Why don't you touch me?" she questions breathlessly.
"You haven't told me to," I answer instantly, and the second I see my meaning hit the mark, a new burst of pleasure rushes through my body. Fuck. Never had I thought giving her control of our sex could be more powerful than what we already shared.
"Shane? I don't ..." she trails off when I lift my hands and grasp the wood slats above the pillows. "You're serious?" she gasps, wiggling off my lap and staring down at me while I continue to give her this part of me.
"I'm yours."
"Shane," she cries softly.
"Please take me, mon amour. Take me and please let me have the gift of you. I will never take advantage of your trust again, and I will always give you mine. From this moment on, we're equal in everything."
She's crying even harder now, but she still removes the worn sleep pants she had on, climbing back on my lap and looking down at me with her hands bracing against my chest. Her tears fall on my skin and burn a path across my chest. When she lifts one hand and wraps it around my cock, my breath hitches. Then she feeds my cock into her body with a painfully slow glide down. When she's seated fully on my thickness, she loses the ability to keep her emotions somewhat in check and starts rocking and crying, never looking away.
"Je t'aime," she gasps, her whole body shaking as she continues to cry, only now she's smiling the biggest grin down at me. "I love you," she repeats. "I love you so much it hurts."
"Je t'aime, mon amour. Je t'aime."
There's nothing rushed about how she makes love to me. Our bodies taking until it feels like a part of her has filled the part of me that I hope to fuck she feels filling her heart. We might not always have perfect, but I know the second she breathes out her release and collapses on my chest--my cock emptying inside her--that there isn't anything we can't conquer together.
