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“If it was consensual though—”
“No, Dylan. Trust me. My parents drilled these laws in my head, both on the circuit and again when I joined the Hollywood scene. They reiterated it again and again until I was scared shitless.” I try to pass it as a joke, but I have deep seated fears from those conversations.
“Well, if it was consensual,” she pushes on, in a no-nonsense tone, “and I cry rape, then my image is even more tainted. At that point, I wouldn’t even be able to return home. I’ll have to find a new place to live because California will not welcome me with open arms.”
“Those who make Grant the victim, they’re the problem.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not… No. I know I’m going to have to tell him and as much as I’d rather wait until after the birth, I’m… God,” she sighs out. “Honestly, I was hoping that I could pass this baby off as anyone else’s. I apparently have a reputation now, and Grant hasn’t tried to reach out and find me so…” She shrugs and shakes her head. “Part of me really just wanted to fly under the radar.”
“Something tells me that you’re not a dishonest person.” It wasn’t in her makeup. The woman wore her emotions like battle scars; there wasn’t any way in hell she’d be able to keep that lie to herself.
“I’ll deal with it when it comes up,” she answers stubbornly. Before I can ask more questions, she has one of her own. “How long are you here for?”
Nothing like a subject change.
“You trying to kick me out already?” I try to ask it with a cocky grin, but I’m a little bit afraid she is doing just that.
Her chin is dipped to her chest again and her voice is quiet. “No, just curious.”
I wish I had the right to lift her chin.
Get her to feel like she should hold her head high.
That she can do those things.
Stand tall, chin up, shoulders back.
If she allows me to stick around, even if on the weekends, I vow to get her to that place.
“I have to leave at noon tomorrow, in order to catch my flight in Reno.”
Not even a full twenty-four hours here, but I feel like the hours are worth it. A day here, a day there. I may not be able to come right out and tell her I want to get to know her, to have her, to be by her side…but maybe I can get her to want the same things.
I have a feeling that if the actions come from her, she’ll be more accepting of it.
“All right. Well.” She drops her feet to the stone covered ground and stands up abruptly. She may be facing me, but her eyes are everywhere but on me. “Sorry to be a party pooper, but I need to take a nap. I feel like I should tell you to make yourself comfortable, but also think you probably know the house better than I do so… Do what you want, I guess.”
She lifts her eyes to mine for a brief moment, but quickly turns on her heel and heads into the house.
I’m not sure what to chalk this conversation up as.
A success? I broke down her walls. Got her to talk.
Or a failure? She couldn’t get away fast enough once it got too real.
It’s not worth pushing; not right now.
While she naps, then, I’ll just hang-out out here. Enjoy the weather. The sun. The view.
And try to think of how I can get her to agree to let me come back again next weekend.
