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It killed me a little inside though when she tried to pull away.
“I’m not with Bella,” I repeated, thinking she maybe hadn’t heard me but still trying to keep her close.
Part of me wanted to see her facial expression.
See how she was reacting to that news.
But the other part of me was scared she wouldn’t react in the way I wanted her to.
I was still that week-shy of twenty-three years old kid, who watched his best friend take the walk of shame after a night that could never be shameful.
God, I’d been so stupid.
Stupid to let her walk away.
Stupid to let her stay away.
Stupid to think that time could ease the ache.
Or, my ultimate stupidity, to think that a reality dating show could magically cure me.
Savannah tried pushing away again and this time I loosened my arms enough for her to look up at me. She stared hard, her brown eyes searching mine, before she stammered, “B-but why? She loved you!”
And I love you, I thought, but knew better than to voice.
Now was not the time to confess my feelings.
Hell, I wasn’t sure there ever was going to be a time, but as long as she stayed here this weekend, I could test the waters. Get back in her good graces.
“It wouldn’t have worked,” I answered instead. “Her schedule, her lifestyle... It wasn’t what I wanted.”
Slowly, she shook her head, the look of confusion still all over her face. “I just...don’t get you, sometimes.”
Clearly.
“You better?” I forced myself to drop my arms from her, and she nodded.
“I am. Thank you. I don’t know where my head went.” She looked away as she said it, as if she could lie to me.
As if I hadn’t walked her through numerous attacks in the past.
If she wanted to pretend, I’d let her.
For now.
“What’s your plan?” I changed the subject. “Did you have anything riveting on the calendar for the weekend?” Stepping away from her felt like the stretching of an elastic.
Close to snapping.
But not actually breaking.
I moved to the cooler and knelt, pulling out a water bottle. I held it up and lifted a brow in a silent asking. She nodded and stepped closer, reaching for the bottle, and after, I grabbed a second for myself.
“Honestly, I was looking forward to just hanging out in bed, catching up on Netflix. But that was before... You know. Before I knew you were here. I can’t believe my dad didn’t mention it once in the...how many weeks did you say you were here? Six?”
I cracked the top of the water bottle and nodded. “Yeah. Just about.”
“That’s a long time to be by yourself. You’re such a social guy.”
