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Putting my phone down, I uncurled from myself and walked over to the kitchen, trying to keep my focus and attention ahead of me, but still being very attuned to Ryan in the chair.
I wanted him to turn and ask me what I was up to.
But when he didn’t, I couldn’t blame him.
I grabbed an apple and quickly cleaned it in the sink, and my mind wandered to a silly TikTok I’d watched at the airport yesterday.
Girls kissing their best guy friends.
While watching it, I couldn’t help but wonder what Ryan’s reaction would be—because while I’d been fighting my feelings for him tooth and nail, my subconscious clearly tried drawing me back to him again and again—and now, while my mind was a full mess after our fight, I couldn’t help but think about his words.
The ones of love.
In the videos, most reactions had been positive, and I remember thinking that they had to be set up. Not truthful. Those people were so dating.
I took a giant bite from my apple, looking out the window above the sink. We were definitely snowed in, and if I were to, I don’t know, decide to do this silly stupid thing that all the young kids were doing, and Ryan rejected the advance...
You really think he’s going to reject you kissing him?
I wasn’t sure when the devil of negativity was traded for this positive thought pattern, but...
I kind of liked it.
However, just the thought of walking over to him and surprising him, putting my lips on his...
My heart began to race.
My stomach churned in panic.
“I have loved you since I was ten years old.”
I found that I wanted to believe his words.
...that maybe even, I did believe his words.
A warm feeling rushed through me at the thought of possibility.
Of potential.
Of more.
I was going to do it.
I let that declaration fuel my steps across the room and to where he sat.
And when my heart pounded harder, so hard it felt like it was going to come right out of my chest, I pushed through.
I didn’t even look to see what he was watching. Didn’t try to get his attention.
Instead, I reached around his face and turned his chin toward me. His eyes moved to mine and his lips parted, but before he could say something, and before I could lose my nerve, I dropped my mouth to his, pressing my lips to his in a kiss that was so innocent. Far more innocent than I was sure his kisses with Bella ever were.
However, just as that Bella jab entered my thoughts, I heard Ryan’s phone drop to the table and his hands were on my ass. He flexed his fingers before he turned himself in the chair, and guided me to his lap.
I pulled my mouth away but his mouth followed mine and soon, the kiss wasn’t so innocent.
Not when his tongue brushed against my lips, asking for permission to take the kiss further.
Willingly, I opened my mouth to his advances and the moment our tongues brushed, my fingers pressed into his cheek before dropping to his shoulder.
