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CHAPTERFOUR
Snow
The trip to Savannah was a huge step for me. I hadn’t been out in public in a long time. I felt like I could breathe. They took me to the mall so I could get a few things since I didn’t have much when I showed up on Shane’s doorstep. And then we loaded up with groceries.
Today, Ariel is coming to talk to me, and I’m a bundle of nerves. Shane is stirring pots and popping pans in the oven, getting ready for Ever’s party tonight. And that’s another thing that has my stomach in knots: Ever’s party. It’s been a while since I’ve seen everyone, other than Axel and Silas. I’m afraid they’re going to hate me for leaving like I did.
I’m staring into my coffee when Ariel arrives.
“Hey,” she says cheerfully.
Shane smiles at her. “Hey, Ariel.”
“Hi,” I greet her with a small smile.
“You can use the study,” Shane calls over his shoulder, and I nod, following Ariel like I’m on my way to death row.
She gestures to the couch, and I sit on the edge, because honestly, I feel like running.
“Relax.” Ariel lifts her arms and brings them down, instructing me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. We do this three times, and once I’m done, I’m a little calmer.
After letting out a deep breath, I say, “I didn’t know you were a shrink.”
“I’m in school online. Shane thought it would be easier to talk to a friend.”
“You’re my friend?” I ask, confused.
“Am I not?” She tilts her head to the side, drawing her brows together.
“I mean, I stopped talking to everybody.” I shrug, wringing my hands together.
“We’ll get to that, but no one hates you. First, I won’t repeat what we talk about with anyone, no matter if they ask. Client privileges. And we can talk about anything. I do want to hit on the big topics, but we can just talk about what’s on your mind.”
“Okay.” I incline my head in agreement.
“How are you feeling today?” Ariel sits back in her chair, placing a yellow legal pad on her lap.
“I feel like a shitbag.”
She wants honesty—well, here we go.
“Why’s that?” She writes something down on her notepad, and suddenly, my nerves decide to make a grand reappearance.
But I have to push forward—I need this if I expect to get back to any sort of normalcy.
Inhaling another much-needed breath and exhaling slowly, I sit straighter to begin. “I gave up two good guys to be with a horrible man who controlled everything. I stopped talking to the people I considered family. I showed up here without calling, and Shane and London have to take care of me.” I pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. “We went to Savannah yesterday, and they took me to the mall—and I didn’t even want to get out of the truck. It was embarrassing.” I get all that out way too fast—and in one breath. Now my heart’s racing. I close my eyes for a moment to try and center myself.
“What was embarrassing?”
“Not having any money or cards. Ben put them all in his name. I only used them when he was with me. I was lucky to find my keys when I escaped.” I shake my head, recalling the events of that horrible night. “I’m such a mess.”
“No, you’re a survivor,” Ariel corrects me. “You did what you had to do to get away. Who cares about money? I don’t mean that in a bad way. I know you want to pull your own weight, and we can all help you with that. London and Shane have enough money that a few pairs of jeans aren’t going to break their banks.”
“I nearly had a breakdown,” I admit. “Silas took me to get a latte, and an hour later, I had several bags handed to me. Shane called Ever to get my sizes. I hate having to rely on people.”
I can’t put into words why I had a breakdown. My palms were sweating, heart started to beat fast—like it would beat right out of my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. It’s not the crowds, specifically, that bother me—it’s thinking that monster, Ben, might be in the crowd. Or not knowing who’s friend or foe—just the thought of being around people makes me ill. Again, it’s not them, it’s me.
“It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help,” Ariel assures me, compassion evident in her gaze. “What else is on your mind?”
