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Instead, he just held me. Even though my bottom was sore, and my body was exhausted from the ten brutally hard orgasms he’d forced from me, I craved his affection. I wanted those arms around me, and I furled myself even tighter against his muscled form. I pressed my cheek against his shoulder and the gentle beating sound of his heart soothed me.
The roughness of his beard grazed my forehead and I tentatively reached to brush my knuckles along its surface. I expected him to bat my hand away, but he didn’t. He let me explore him. I dragged my fingers down and circled the collar of his shirt, toying with the chest hair that just escaped it.
My shivering gradually stopped as I snuggled even closer to him. His arms wound around me, tight and protective and wonderful and so incredibly perfect.
I’d called him Daddy. Not just once, but several times.
I flushed so deeply that it felt as though my face had caught flame. I hid it in his shoulder, needing to keep my thoroughly shameful thoughts to myself for the time being. For now, it didn’t matter. The only thing that did was his arms around me.
Daddy’s arms.
Chapter 5
The only thing I could concentrate was how the beat of his heart drummed in concert with mine. Occasionally my body would tremble against him and he’d squeeze me tighter into his chest as a way of showing me that he was there, that he would protect me. When I finally managed to get my panting under control, he slid his fingers up and down the length of my spine, just holding me gently against him.
I could still feel his seed drying on my thighs and the marks of his belt on my punished backside. He didn’t seem to care that it was likely getting on his jeans. He seemed to know I needed his kindness now and he gave it to me.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I murmured.
“There’s nothing to forgive, little girl. I forgave you a long time ago,” he answered.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I curled even closer to him.
“What happens now?” I whispered, almost afraid of the answer.
“Now we talk, little girl,” he replied, his voice so firm and resolute that a tiny piece of me demanded I submit to him. I tried to ignore it, but that needling feeling only seemed to grow larger the longer I sat here in his lap.
“I want to know your reasoning. Why date me for six months, marry me, and wipe me of everything? You’ve never seemed like the type of girl who would be that heartless,” he asked.
I swallowed heavily. I couldn’t tell him. There was no way in hell I’d survive if anyone else knew the kind of people I worked for and he probably wouldn’t either.
The Father had people to solve that sort of thing. He had poured endless resources into training me and preparing me for my role in the family, but he wouldn’t hesitate for a second to dispose of me as soon as I proved to be a liability to the organization.
I was already afraid of what he would do to me when he found out that Dean had ignored his threats and come after me anyway. He’d blame me for being found and taken. It would all be my fault.
I would receive no sympathy for being his ward all these years. If anything, he’d expect even more from me than he did all the rest.
I shivered hard, thinking about what would likely come next.
He’d send the Fixer after me without thinking twice.
In the family, we all feared the one called the Fixer. She was the one who solved problems. If someone got out of line, she dealt with them, usually with a bullet between the eyes from a block away, but I’d heard stories of other ways that she’d dispose of someone. Poison in your morning coffee. A highly staged death meant to look like a suicide. A tragic house fire. A sudden unexplained heart attack. She did whatever she had to do to make sure her mark ended up dead.
One thing was certain though. If the Father sent the Fixer for you, your time was limited, and you best get your affairs in order.
I swallowed again, coming to the awful conclusion of something else.
The Fixer wouldn’t just come after me. She would come after Dean too. The Father would send her to deal with us both.
I couldn’t bear that. Even though I should be angry and ashamed of what just happened between Dean and
me, I couldn’t be. He didn’t deserve to die just because I’d fucked up somewhere.
I couldn’t tell Dean about any of that though. He couldn’t protect me from the family. He especially couldn’t protect me from the Fixer and most certain death. It would be better for him if he just remained in the dark, unknowing and alive and safe.
I knew what I had to do now. I was going to lie.
“I needed the money,” I began.
