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Lexie
Deathalwaysseemedto bring them together. It was the one overarching thing most everyone in her group of friends had in common. Dead parents, dead grandparents. and now, a dead husband.
The snow enveloped Lexie as she stood in the cemetery staring out at the nothingness remaining in her life. The friends and family who made the drive out to Otsego to say their final goodbyes were rushing back to their vehicles to escape the blistering cold. Lexie remained. She fell to her knees in sorrow. The cold snow seeping through her tights kissed her skin and sent a shiver through her body, though it went unnoticed. She couldn’t feel anything other than emptiness. Her whole world was laying alone in a wooden box fifteen feet below her. Her forever–the man she was meant to spend her entire life with–was gone just as quickly as he had entered her life and changed it remarkably. Through the numbness, a rush of warmth enveloped her. She pulled her head slowly to the side and met the eyes of her best friend, Sedona. Sedona gently swiped across her face, wiping away a nearly-frozen tear. Eagle, Sedona’s fiance, draped a blanket across her back. She reached her hands up and gripped the blanket, pulling it around herself as the warmth spread to her cold bones.
Lexie was stronger than she needed to be. She heard it countless times. “Allow yourself the space to grieve.” “It’ll take time.” “Focus on you for a while.” But she just wanted it all to stop. She wanted people to stop treating her like a helpless child. She was allowing herself this day to wallow, but she didn’t want the memory of Oliver to be haunted by the sadness that came with his death.
Lexie met Oliver after a series of unfortunate events that started with her best friend, Nav, leaving Otsego to go looking for something more than she could offer. She had loved Nav for nearly twenty years, instantly connecting during a playdate their parents facilitated when they were young. Even though she was the same age as his little brother, her connection to Nav had always been stronger. He was her watchful protector–the one who defended her in a room full of people and always appeared by her side when she needed him the most. Her love for Nav was sudden but endured through the hardest times. She never imagined a life without Nav until she met Oliver. Now, she couldn’t imagine a life without Oliver.
Oliver couldn’t be compared to Nav, though. Their love for Lexie had been different in every way. While Oliver displayed his love through romantic gestures and elaborate antics, Nav had shown his love in quiet moments. The kind of moments that don’t appear significant until looking back to realize they were everything. The moments when Lexie didn’t realize she needed love, but Nav poured it out anyway. His love came in the way he affectionately called her Lou when they were together, or the way he moved her away from the curb of the sidewalk when they were out on an evening stroll. She loved the way he loved her but often wished for more. She wanted Nav to declare his love for her in a crowded room of strangers; wanted him to shout his love from the rooftops; wanted him to finally commit to a lifetime of love with her.
She always felt his wavering was a reflection of who she wasn’t, but looking back now, she knew it was never because she was less than; it was because Nav was struggling to give himself over to someone who could possibly abandon him. The hate and anger she once felt toward Nav for leaving was replaced with empathy and understanding as she worked through the grief of losing him. Nav wasn’t ready to give Lexie the kind of love she needed, but Oliver was. Oliver gave her everything and more. He was a warm hug when she was swamped in her studies. He was ice cream and mozzarella sticks delivered to her classroom when she was preparing during the summer. He was lemonade on a hot day; a refreshing dose of pure joy and she wasn’t sure she was ever going to find that kind of love again.
Lexie took a stabilizing breath and stood, leaving all the love and memories buried in the disturbeddirt at her feet. She turned to her dearest friend and pulled her into a warm embrace. Eagle caught the blanket as it slipped from her shoulders and stood off to the side, always Sedona’s protector. They moved in a silent motion from Oliver’s final resting place to the limo parked along the cemetery drive.
