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Nav
Navlethisfeet guide him out of the restaurant as the frustration filled every other part of him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and glanced back, just to make sure Lexie was close by. As much as he longed to put some distance between them, he also couldn’t leave her alone in an unfamiliar city. He knew he had screwed up with Lexie over and over. He knew he wasn’t a good man to her. He knew he was young and dumb, but he hadn’t realized how much he had truly hurt her. As they had rehashed the past, his heart stung seeing the pain contorting her features. Despite his best efforts to avoid thinking about their past, he let his mind wander back as they walked.
For two months he had kept the secret of his leaving away from everyone in his life, not even sharing his plans with Eagle or his brothers. He still hadn’t known if he was making the right decision by joining the National Guard, but he knew if he talked to any of them, they’d try to convince him to stay and he couldn’t. He needed to get out of Otsego and away from his father. He was running. He was running from the life he had in hopes he could find something else worth living for. It wasn’t fair to anyone and he broke a lot of relationships along the way. Lexie was by far the hardest relationship to lose.
She caught up alongside him and he took a moment to slow his stride and glance down at her. “Lex, can I ask you something?”
She tilted her head up to meet his gaze and nodded her head slightly.
“If you loved me so much, how was it so easy for you to move on so quickly?”
She continued to walk alongside him with her eyes pointed forward. He gently grabbed onto her arm and nodded over to a bench situated near the water. She stopped and tipped her head down in a slight nod. They sat on the bench together and he turned his body to face hers, awaiting her response.
“I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. In the beginning, I questioned my relationship with Ollie a lot. I asked myself if I was using Ollie as a rebound. Asked myself if I was still in love with you and if I wanted to be with you again.” She paused as she turned her body toward his, this time reaching for his hand and pulling it into her own. “I did love you, Nav. I think a part of me still does and probably always will. But that doesn’t undercut the love I held for Oliver. I didn’t go out looking for Ollie. I hadn’t planned on dating at all, but when he walked into my life, everything changed. He...” Tears were welling up in the corner of her eyes. “He was everything you weren’t.” She looked down at their hands and caressed his gently. “At that time in my life, I needed someone like him. I craved someone like him. He never left me questioning where I stood in his life and I never felt insecure about our relationship. When you left, I had no expectation that you’d come back. When I heard you had started to date Victoria, I knew my hesitation to wait around for you was validated. I let myself give in to Oliver and to my surprise found myself falling in love with him. I struggle with how to explain the feelings I have for you and Oliver both because I know how it must seem.”
Nav leaned his back against the wooden bench and stared off into the turquoise serenity in front of them. “I’m just glad you and Oliver found each other. I’m so sorry he’s no longer here. For your sake, I wish he was,” he said quietly. He didn’t want to see the woman he loved hurting from the loss of the man she vowed to love her entire life, even if that man wasn’t him.
“I’ll always be grateful for the moments we shared together. Nothing can take that away from me, but I know he wouldn’t want me to dwell on his loss forever. I’m finally in a place where I can remember him fondly without wanting to break down. I’m not sure if I’ll ever love again, but I know Oliver would extend his blessing to move on if he could. It’s funny because Ollie and I had a conversation about this after we met. I admitted to him that I would always love two very different men. Him and...” she turned to face him. “You. Ollie knew how much I cared for you and even though I was married to him and loved him with everything in me, he allowed me the freedom to keep you in my heart. You were such a big part of my life for so long. I don’t know that I’ll ever fully get over losing either of you, but over time, I know it’ll get easier.”
Nav sat in stunned silence. Love to him was always this finite thing--society told him love could only be between two people. But the way she described her love for Oliver was so different from the love he remembered sharing with her. He knew she was right. He couldn’t provide the love she needed back then. His phone suddenly buzzed, interrupting the very intimate moment between the two of them. He hesitantly removed his hands from hers and shifted to pull the phone out of his pocket. “It’s Eagle, asking if we’re on our way to the restaurant.” He glanced over at Lexie with a smile. She returned the smile and stood, extending her hand out to him. He stared at it for a moment before taking it and standing up in front of her. They turned together and walked toward the restaurant to meet up with their friends.
