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10
Tessa
The plastic doll arm stabbed like a sharp rock as it crunched under Tessa’s foot. She brought her knee to her chest, hopping away from the offensive toy and pressing her lips together to stop the long string of curse words from flowing out as the pain subsided. When it was just a dull ache, she stepped carefully through Emily’s dark room and dug in the closet for the sequined unicorn backpack with the purple straps that the girl had never used.
Downstairs, she dropped Emily’s bag next to Mason’s school backpack on the entry way bench and turned on the camping lantern so it cast a warm glow over her notebook on the kitchen counter. She needed to get serious, needed a more long-term plan in case Landon never came home.
He is coming home. She ripped out the page of things she might need and balled it up in her fist. He would be back; it was only a matter of when. The problem was if they could wait that long. Guilt from that last email dug its claws into her heart and twisted. She furiously clicked on the cam of the pen, willing the tears away.
The drive to her dad’s normally took twenty hours, but that was before the way the roads looked now with abandoned vehicles and foot traffic. Maybe a week now? She’d plan for two and hope it would take much less. Gas was the major issue. There was a full can in the garage, but they were going to need more than that. Would anyone care if she siphoned it out of the vehicles left on the road? She glanced down at the stupid pink pistol on the counter next to her.
At least when she got out of Southern California it would be mostly empty highways through the Nevada desert. But what if they broke down somewhere with no way to call for help?
Focus. She forced herself to breathe. If she kept worrying about the what ifs, she’d drive herself insane. It was safer at her dad’s house. Larry still had his ranch next door. There was the river for water and she couldn’t remember if her dad still had chickens, but she could probably get some baby chicks from Larry’s wife. She’d take all the food she had. Start a garden when she got there. But first things first, she had to pack.
After she’d scribbled down a list of things they were taking with them, the anxiety eased and her eyelids grew heavy. She needed to decide when to leave, but she could do that in the light of day.
Tessa dragged the chair over to the hallway closet where the extra throw blankets for the couch were stowed on the top shelf. Her hand brushed against Landon’s fleece lined jacket that was still hanging in the spot she had put it when she’d unpacked the house. Tears blurred her vision as she pulled it from the hanger and brought it against her face, inhaling whatever fading scents that were left of her husband.
She could see him wearing it last winter when they’d chopped down the Christmas tree at the farm and then again in early spring when there was a freak snowstorm in North Carolina and he’d dragged the kids around on sleds until their noses were bright red.
“See if mama will make us some hot chocolate.” The smile on his face when he noticed her watching.
Her chest tightened and a hard lump swelled in her throat. She carried the jacket over to the couch and then pulled her knees to her chest as she wrapped it around her entire body. Her hands found the too big arm holes and she snuggled into them, resting her head against the fabric and crying softly until the sun rose.
Moose came bounding into the kitchen ahead of Mason and slid across the tile floor until his nose smacked into the back of Tessa’s knee. She reached down to scratch behind his ear with one hand and flipped sausages in the skillet with the other. The deep freezer was losing the last of its cold fast so a stack of sausages and some fruit sounded like a healthy enough breakfast and lunch.
“Morning Mom.” Mason slid onto his chair at the table. She glanced over her shoulder to give him a smile, but his back was turned to her with his head resting on his arms. Moose issued a single demanding bark.
“Guess you want breakfast too.” She scooped out a cup of dog food from the plastic bin and paused, staring at the remaining kibble. His next shipment of food was scheduled for later this week and the realization that it wasn’t coming was the final nail in the coffin. She had enough left for another two weeks, maybe three if she could stretch it.
“How about sausage for breakfast?” she asked, dropping the cup back into the bin. Moose’s ears perked up and he wagged his tail as he padded over to his rug to wait.
“Am I going to school today?” Mason’s voice was barely a whisper.
Tessa turned off the flame and moved the pan from the burner. “Not today. The power is still out.”
“Ah man.” Mason sighed.
“That’s a first.” She laughed as she fixed up the plates. “Since when are you bummed about missing school?” He looked up at the single remaining blue construction paper chain still hanging from the hook and didn’t speak. Tessa’s heart broke all over again.
“I’m awake.” Emily came skipping to the table with a Barbie doll tucked under her arm. Tessa glared at the toy, remembering the pain one of its kin had caused her last night. Emily wrapped her slender arms around her waist for a hug. Tessa tilted her chin up to check for any signs of permanent damage and was greeted with a wide and wondering smile.
“What’s wrong?” Emily pulled her face away from Tessa’s hand.
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Breakfast is ready.”
Mason chewed silently and avoided making eye contact with anyone while Moose wolfed down his sausages and wagged his tail for another. Tessa wasn’t hungry anyway so she set her plate on the floor.
“Alright guys, here’s what I’m thinking for today.” She clapped her hands together in front of her chest. “Mason, you’re going to pick out a book and read it aloud to me, then write down any words you need help pronouncing…”
“Oh, come on,” he groaned.
“Ah,” she held her finger in the air, “don’t interrupt. You were the one who was sad about missing school so we’re going to get some homework done. And Emily,” Tessa zeroed in on her daughter and the girl gulped, “you are going to pick up every single Barbie from every floor in this house and put them in the bin in your room.” Emily nodded. She could do that.
Tessa looked back to Mason who was pushing the strawberries around on his plate and doing his best not to cry. “And as soon as you both finish all that, we’ll go over to Sally and Arthur’s house to visit.” Mason cracked a small smile. It was enough to ease her guilt and give her courage for the next words she had to say. “How do you two feel about taking a trip to see Grandpa soon?”
“Grandpa,” Emily shrieked. Of course she would be excited, it wasn’t Tessa or Landon that sent a new Barbie to her doorstep every month.
