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12
Tessa
She was already tired of driving today, tired of letting her mind wander, even though she’d gotten more sleep at Agnes’s house than she’d had in the past few days. It was Sally’s voice she kept replaying, trying to figure out if she’d imagined there was panic in it or if it was nothing to worry about.
Agnes was stoic in her goodbye this morning after a laughter filled breakfast. Tessa hoped it was because she was hungover and not upset at how much her kids had eaten. She had barely looked at them until Tessa had bartered for an extra empty gas can and a length of plastic hosing leftover from the drip system where water was pumped up the hill for irrigation from the stupid excuse for a creek. Agnes had met her eyes with approval then, before sending them on their way.
They were out an entire box of MREs.
“Mom, can we stop?” Mason leaned back against the seat with his hands pressed over his eyes and his skin a sick shade of yellow.
She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. They’d been driving for two hours already and were making decent time on the back highways. It was a welcome relief after the chaos yesterday, and if it wasn’t for the nagging anxiety, she could almost pretend this was a normal trip. Just get to the next house and talk to Arthur. Figure out what to do then.
“Mom, please.” Mason burped.
“Eeeww,” Emily squealed as she plugged her nose. “That really stinks.”
“Are you alright?” Tessa’s stomach recoiled as she scanned the sides of the highway looking for an easy spot to pull over. The sun reflected off the metallic blue sign: Rest area ½ mile ahead. Next services 120 miles.
“No,” Mason groaned, clutching his sides.
Robin pressed herself against the passenger side door and pushed her sunglasses up into her hair. “I think he’s going to throw up.”
Shit. Tessa floored it, taking the exit for the roadside bathrooms. Mason stared blankly through the windshield. She hit the brakes and threw the truck into park, grabbing Mason by the shoulders and heaving him out the open door onto the sand just in time. His body convulsed on his hands and knees as he continued to retch.
“Get it all up, buddy.” Tessa rubbed his back as she knelt beside him.
He spit out the last of it and leaned back into her arms as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. “I shouldn’t have eaten so much sugar.”
Tessa sighed, holding him close. Agnes and her Little Debbie snacks. The woman had boxes of them, boxes of everything, cans of food, supplies stocked to excess. An array of the pastries was provided for breakfast, and as much as Tessa had tried, how do you say no to two little kids wanting treats for breakfast during the apocalypse?
“It’s okay,” Tessa soothed as she tucked his hair behind his ears. “We’ll get you some water and you’ll feel better soon.”
Water. She mentally calculated all that was left. After the trip so far and the fires yesterday and the trade with Caterpillar, they were down to the bottles filled in the truck and two five-gallon buckets in the back. Gallons. Gallons of gas, gallons of milk. Tessa thought of all the milk jugs they’d gone through in the kids’ lives. Was it really so long ago that a gallon of milk only lasted two days?
“Mom,” Mason whispered. “I had an accident.”
She looked into his eyes, seeing the shame in them, something she hadn’t dealt with for years. Not since he was little, not little pretending to be big. Tessa rubbed her hands up and down his arms and then reached out to straighten his chin. “It’s okay. We all have accidents sometimes. You stay here and I’ll get you some new pants.”
She dug through the suitcases in the back of the truck while Mason hid by the tire and Robin clipped the leash on Moose to take the dog and Emily for a walk. Freaking Agnes. She zipped the bag shut, holding up a blue pair of shorts and racecar underwear. Who even has that many boxes of snack cakes?
Tessa jumped down from the tailgate and turned to close it. Someone who is prepared, unlike you. The self-blame hit her hard again, flaring the anxiety ten-fold. She sucked in a steadying breath and looked around the parking lot as she tried to focus on the present instead of letting her thoughts propel her somewhere dark.
Wait a second. Behind the bathrooms was a small outpost of a ranger station, and tucked behind that, sitting at an angle on the hill that led to desert hiking trails, was an old Jeep Cherokee with the Bureau of Land Management logo posted on the side. Gas. Her eyes widened as she climbed back into the truck to pull out the empty five-gallon canister and the hose she’d gotten from Agnes, leaving the other three gallons she’d traded with Caterpillar for behind.
“Here, go get changed.” Tessa pressed the clothes into Mason’s hands as she passed him, her attention focused on the government vehicle.
A fire lit within her bringing a renewed confidence. So what if Arthur and Sally’s plan failed? She didn’t need anyone but herself. There was always a way to survive. They’d stop at every abandoned vehicle if they had to and she’d fill up the tank with extra to spare. She wasn’t at the mercy of the universe. This was their salvation. I can save us.
“Hey, do you mind if we…” Robin’s voice trailed off in the desert wind as Tessa strode with purpose across the parking lot.
She raised her fist and knocked on the metal door of the ranger station, the silver padlock and chain vibrating with the force of each blow. It’s not stealing if they’re not coming back. Still, she hesitated, giving them a moment to answer.
Please have keys. A smile turned her lips as she headed to the Jeep. She yanked on the door handle. And, it’s locked. But that wasn’t a problem, she’d just do it old school. Memories of a life lived long ago came to her in snippets, moments she’d spent her whole adult life trying to forget. The embarrassment and shame of being young and dumb. But as thankful as she was to leave it all behind, at least she’d learned a few tricks.
Tessa opened the gas cap and started to feed the hose into the tank. She shoved as she tried to force it past the safety valve. And that’s not going to work. Frustrated, she scanned the barren landscape around them looking for a tree or a stick. She settled on the overgrown stem of a sagebrush bush and raced over to it.
The thick sent of the pungent herb filled her nose as she tried to bend and break off the branch. But as much as she tugged, she couldn’t snap it in two. Fine. She groaned, wiping her hands on her pants. She just needed a…
