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36
MARGARET
IT’S BEEN A few weeks since Liam dropped himself back into my life, and I am still trying to navigate him being around again.
I couldn’t figure out how I was feeling about Liam. After one too many drinks with him a couple weeks ago, I almost let my urges get the best of me. Between his hand in mine, the memory of us walking to my apartment the first time, and the comforting feeling I get around him, I let him lead me to my apartment, let him hold my hand and act like we were fine.
In my alcohol-induced state, I let him talk me into giving him a chance. Why did I do that?
Because you fucking love him, duh.
I roll my eyes at myself. I can’t stop thinking of the date. He calls at nine o’clock every single night, and I stare at it ringing in my hand, my thumb hovering over the green button until it finally rolls over to voicemail and I let out the breath I’m holding in. I can’t answer, can’t tell him I’m ready for the date I told him we could have because I am terrified that it will be so easy to let him take over my heart once and for all.
While in the back of my head I am thinking about my insatiable yet confusing desire to see Liam, to be around him again and give in to whatever it is he wants, in reality I am suffering through another round of Johnson being my partner, even though I explicitly told the chief I was not interested in being on patrol with him anymore. Unfortunately, that isn’t my call, and since I ‘recklessly’ ran into a dangerous situation to save Rebecca Myers, I’m not in a good place with him at the moment and my pull isn’t as strong as it usually is.
“Johnson,” I snap. I know I’m being bitchy, but his need to be on his phone pisses me off so badly. His head pops up like he’s surprised he’s in a cop car. I honestly don’t have any clue how he got this far. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I was just—uh, well, I was looking at—” I reach over and take his phone. As his superior, I shouldn’t invade his privacy, but as a person, I am so sick of being ignored.
“A dating app? Are you serious right now?” I give him a look of disbelief. “You are working. Put it away.”
“Yes ma’am.” I shake my head, not understanding incompetence.
We continue our patrol for three more hours before our shift ends and someone else takes over. I bite my tongue so many times I bet I could put a ring through it without even flinching. I know Johnson thinks he’s going to make it here, but whether he believes it or not, I am going easy on him.
I make my way to my locker and change into my civilian clothes, not at all surprised to find another package of donuts waiting for me. Liam is definitely trying to fatten me up. I don’t know how or when he sneaks in here, but it’s a weirdly comforting thing to see every day. I can’t ever admit it, but I look forward to it now.
I miss him; there’s no doubt about that. I was mad about that man, was ready to change my entire life for him. I followed him anywhere he told me to go. I lured a bad guy out of hiding to help him finish something so we could be together.
So yeah, I love him. I can’t even fool myself into thinking I don’t, but the thing with Liam is that he came into my world like a slow-moving silent storm. You see it coming, but you don’t know the damage it’s going to do until after it’s done.
He killed a little piece of me every day he didn’t reach out (his pathetic excuses for letters not withstanding), and it hurt to think I’d never really know what happened, to think I was so insignificant that no one bothered to call, to write, to do anything.
The only contact I had was when the director of the FBI paid me a little visit, and I was way too intimidated to ask him point blank where Liam was. At that point, I was thinking if he hadn’t really contacted me yet, we were done with whatever we’d started.
It fucking hurt.
Much like whenever he sent me away each time we ran into trouble, but this time, it’s permanent. I’m not with the FBI or one of his buddies. I’m alone.
God, just thinking about it gives me a headache. I am looking forward to soaking in a bath, bubbles filled to the top, maybe a pint of ice cream…I don’t know, this could go anywhere.
I flick the lock open and enter my apartment. There’s a nice autumn breeze coming from a window I leave cracked, and I breathe in the clean scent. I hang my bag on the hook by the door and kick off my shoes, immediately heading to the freezer to check my ice cream supplies. I like both brownie fudge and mint chocolate chip, but with the day I’ve had, it’s a full-on brownie fudge night.
As I shut the freezer door, I jump back a foot, a startled scream ripping out of my throat at the sight of the six-foot blonde bombshell in front of me. “Shit, Gemma! Warn a girl!”
A small, tiny smirk forms on her face, showing her sick satisfaction in managing to scare the shit out of me. “What the hell are you doing sneaking into my apartment?”
“Your locks could use some work. It was almost too easy.” She shrugs. Walking to my small dinette set, she pulls out a chair and plops down into it. Letting out a sigh, she asks, “Got any wine?”
I turn, still confused, and look in my pantry for the bottle I know I purchased recently. I haven’t been in the mood to drink it much so there is still plenty in it. I pull it out along with two glasses and pour us each one. I eye her where she sits, wondering why she is all of a sudden showing up unannounced.
After I take a seat and let her sip the wine, I raise a brow at her and wait. “What?” she asks, her voice tinged with annoyance.
“Well, I mean, it’s not like I’m not happy to see you, because I am, but it’s a little unexpected that you’re here.”
She opens her mouth to reply just as a knock sounds at the door. I again raise a brow, wondering if she was expecting someone else to join us, but she just shrugs, sipping more wine. I get up and walk over, looking back over my shoulder at Gemma.
When I wrench the door open, a handsome Liam stands on the other side, and I take him in. His jeans fit snugly around his waist, a white t-shirt is topped by a leather jacket, and his smile is stretched into a lazy grin only guys who look like him can pull off.
