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“I want you to take this,” I said instead, letting the necklace dangle from my fingers.
They paused abruptly, silence reverberating around us as the thud of their boots came to a halt.
They set the generator down without a word, staring at the gold in my hand as though it was a foreign object they’d never laid eyes on before.
“Is that—” Cedra was the first to speak.
“It weighs about 1,200 units. I’m not sure what it’s worth on the market exactly, but it might be enough to fix the panels. Please, take it. Save Ella’s babies.”
When they did nothing but stare, I moved forward and placed the necklace in Cedra’s palms.
I felt the familiar prodding sensation in my temples and I knew she was reaching out emotionally to see how I was feeling about this. I smiled, letting her know without words that it was okay.
This wasn’t about us. Ella needed my help—the community needed my help. And I was more than happy to put my gift to the best use possible.
She leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead and I clung to her for a second, just a second, to absorb some of her strength.
“Go on now.” I pulled away a second later. “You’re wasting time here.”
Cedra seemed reluctant to let go of me, the shimmer in her eyes telling me just how grateful she was.
I waved them along and held the front door open so they could get past easily.
“‘Mara,”Cedra began when the generator was loaded onto the back of the bopper. It was so large that they couldn’t close the back panel. The rear end of the generator stuck out so far that they had to tie it down and drive there instead of fly.
“I...” Cedra trailed off, at a loss for words, her fingers cupping the heavy weight of the necklace in her pocket.
I placed a hand over hers.
“I know,” I assured her. “Whatever you want to say, I can feel it already.”
A few feet behind us, Ana started up the bopper and called for Cedra to hurry it up.
As my Mate pulled away with a reluctance that tugged at my heartstrings, I gave her a little smile, secure in the knowledge that I’d done the right thing.
I watched them speed off across the field and said a little prayer for my friend and her babies to whoever was listening.
Over the past few weeks, I’d learned that cleaning could be a form of therapy. It was inexpensive, time-consuming and sometimes painful, but it helped declutter my mind.
While Cedra was away, I took down everything in the kitchen cupboards and wiped each plate, mug, utensil and pan individually until they shone before stacking them neatly back where they’d been.
Then I’d fired up the solar vacuum and given the floors a thorough once-over. Then came the cushions as I dragged them outside and beat them with a stick until I was satisfied that not a speck of dust remained.
And, by the end of it, I felt more anxious than ever.
Whenever I paused for breath, all I could see was Ella’s wobbly frame in the dark, sliding down the stairs and then landing with a sickening thud. I could feel my fingers reaching forward in the darkness, straining, gripping nothing but air as the horror played out in front of me.
A bunch of what-ifs looped continuously in my mind. What if I hadn’t asked Ella for help with that stupid generator? What if I’d gone down the stairs first so I could’ve broken Ella’s fall? What if I’d asked Ella to tell me what to do with the generator instead of show me herself?
My fingers tightened around the cushion as I arranged it back on the sofa, squeezing the stuffing between my fingers so hard that I thought the seams would pop. I’d been incredibly selfish, putting my comfort over the safety of someone who was so heavily pregnant. There was not one, but three lives on the line now, all because I’d wanted to warm up the house on a cool morning.
A familiar feeling crept into my chest, tightening like a hard fist. I thought I’d never feel this way again after leaving my gilded cage in Royal One, but each thump of my heart pumped a keen sense of helplessness through my blood.
With a muted groan, I buried my head in my hands, trying to get my heartbeat under control.
I hated feeling this way—trapped in a problem with four walls closing in around me. There wasn’t even a way to contact Ella’s husband to find out if she was all right. I’d tried to work the ancient communications box in Cedra’s hallway, but the connection beeped incessantly when I tapped on Frowh’s name. The sharp noise seemed to echo in my head long after I’d severed the connection, lending a terrible cacophony to the persistent mental image of Ella tumbling down the stairs.
I blamed myself. Cedra had warned me about Ella’s insistence on helping around the house despite the risks, and I should’ve heeded her words closely. Now I feared there was no way to make this right again.
