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‘Thanks Edie.’ And then, after her grand diversion, he asked again, ‘You haven’t forgiven me, have you? My story, about the girls, it reminds you of your mum, I can tell.’
She had two options, default setting which was to say she didn’t want to talk about it and storm off, or somehow meet him in the middle. She chose the halfway option. ‘Yes, the story did remind me of what happened to my mum, and when you described those women all I could see was her and imagine how she felt before… before she died. Was she sad, lonely, scared, desperate, hurt, did she mean it to happen, was it really an accident? And of course, I was angry that Denny had treated people the way he did and I hope one day he gets what he deserves.’
‘How old was your mum when she died? You don’t have to answer. But I don’t want you thinking I don’t care because I do, it’s just that Ace said you don’t like to talk about it, and I respect that. It’s nobody’s business but if I can help, or listen, whatever you need, I will. You only have to ask.’ Joe had turned to face her, one arm leaning on the handrail, his City mug in the other hand.
Edie sucked in the sea air that really was a few degrees sharper than earlier, then gave him a morsel. ‘She’d just turned twenty and the reason I don’t talk about it is because I didn’t find out the truth until I was sixteen. It was Christmas and I was revising for my mocks, and I thought I’d surprise my gran by getting the tree out of the loft and putting it up for when she came home. While I was up there I found a case. I never went in the attic you see. I’m terrified of spiders, so Gran always passed the boxes down to me. Anyway, facing my fears opened up a whole new world of pain, I can tell you.’
‘What was in the case?’
Two words answered the question. ‘The truth.’
Joe opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when one of the French doors behind them opened and Lance appeared. ‘There you are. Nanou said to hurry up and Gus needs to speak to you. Ace and Silvestre are going to take the dogs out before we eat so I said I’d go too.’ Lance waited for a second, needing confirmation, no doubt fearing the wrath of Nanou if he didn’t accomplish his task.
‘Sorry, that’s my fault for nattering on. We were just on our way.’ Without waiting for Joe to agree Edie pushed away from the rail, receiving a curt nod from Lance before he turned and headed towards the stairs, then the sound of his hurried footsteps on the wood.
Once inside the loft apartment she watched as Lance descended and as soon as he was out of sight she stopped on the first step and twisted her body to face Joe who also halted. Lowering her voice, she answered his first question, even though she knew it would mean he’d ask more; but she owed him this.
‘It’s not my place to forgive you, for those women, but I kind of understand why you did what you did, sober or stoned because we all make mistakes, me, you, my mum. Most of all I admire you for saying it out loud. That took guts and not a lot of people would admit all that. Perhaps we just have to learn to accept people for who they are, even their flaws, try to understand their mistakes and if they mess up, give them another chance. But some things run deep and it’s hard to let the past go. It dwells, no matter how much you try to ignore the pain, tell yourself you can’t miss what you didn’t have and wish you could turn back the clock.’
Joe reached out, then seemed to change his mind, using words instead of touch. ‘It’s true. What I’d give to change one day, one single hour that altered my life and boom, the lives of so many others. I know exactly where I’d be, what I’d do and who with.’
Edie smiled. ‘Snap.’ There was no way she could say more, ask him where he’d go and who with because if it wasn’t the person she hoped it would be, her heart would crack in two. So instead, she prepared the ground for when it was time.
‘Come on. I think you and I need to focus on the here and now, not regrets. And you never know, we might even be able to change the future, or at least put our noble ideas into action.’
Not giving Joe time to respond, she made her way downstairs. She’d given him plenty to think on, as if he didn’t have enough already but come the day she hoped he’d remember her words, accept her for who she was, her flaws, her mistakes. And then give her another chance.
