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Everything.
But she wasn’t ready to hear that. Even if she wasn’t still so reluctant to even just speak with him, he would have known she needed time to learn to trust him again. The missing mating mark was proof enough of that.
But he couldn’t convince her of jackshit if she planned on disappearing as soon as the traditional Therian grieving and burial was done. He needed her here and he needed her talking to him so he could figure out what was going on in that head of hers.
Once, he would have known her thoughts just by looking at her.
“Niko?” Frustration edged the words.
“I’m just trying to figure out what your plan is,” he said. “I mean, if you’re planning on disappearing in a few days, I need to make sure I spread the word that people understand you’re not tied to me.”
Her nostrils flared. “You just now pointed out the fact that your scent is all over me.”
“Sweetheart.” He somehow managed a casual smile. “If we play right, we can easily have people thinking that was only sex. It’s not like sex between consenting packmates doesn’t happen. You know that.”
Her lids flickered at the words only sex.
He refused to let on how much that simple reaction meant, refused to think about how much that simple reaction meant. It shouldn’t have meant anything. A week ago, he’d still been so angry with her—
That’s why it means something, dumbass. You never would have been angry with what you thought was a betrayal if she didn’t mean so much to you.
When she didn’t respond, he pushed a little more, although he kept his tone easy. “If you want, I can go ahead and spread the word now that you and I resolved our... issues amicably and have parted ways.”
She inclined her head.
He took that to mean she was listening.
“It would be easiest, I think, that once I let the right words drop to the right people, if I went back to my normal habits. I’ll bring a lover of mine to the mourning. That will leave you free to find a companion for the night—”
“My father is dead. I’m expected to show up at his mourning celebration, despite the fact that I haven’t seen him or most of my family in a decade, and you’re suggesting that I find a fucking lover for the night?”
The heat in her voice, combined with the way her eyes had narrowed when he’d mentioned bringing a lover himself gave him some hope—it was precious little, but little was better than nothing.
She still cared.
She didn’t want to.
But she still cared.
“ It makes sense, Zee. We’re tactile creatures. We give and take comfort in touch. If you’re not comfortable looking for a male on your own—”
She struck.
Niko felt her claws tear into his flesh, felt four distinct gouges in his cheek, felt the hot well of blood and smelled the iron of it.
And he also felt the vivid, bright splash of satisfaction at the glare she leveled on him.
“The day I need you to find me a fucking lover is the day I’ll need you to run me down my own prey when I decide to go hunting,” she snarled, a threat of a growl underscoring every word. “Am I understood?”
“Of course,” he said in a polite voice. Reaching into his suit, he pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it to the bleeding wounds. “I mean no disrespect, Zee. You’ve been gone from Appalachia a long time.”
“And who on earth is at fault for that?” she asked waspishly. Turning her head, she stared outside. “I’m not going to walk in there with your scent on me and make it clear I’m already looking for another lover to warm my bed.”
The satisfaction he’d felt at her show of spirit, and the jealousy, faded. “Zee, we take lovers, all of us. We need contact. You know that.”
She gave him a dull look.
“Maybe it’s that easy for a pure Therian, Niko. But you don’t have something... else living inside you. That part that makes me a leech demands more control.”
