AllFreeNovel
Share Us
TWO
Therapy was pointless. I’d known it would be going in, but as I sat in that stuffy office, I couldn’t even bring myself to open my mouth to confirm my name, much less tell the woman anything about how I felt.
Her office made me feel trapped. There were too many plants, too many books about mental health. It felt too staged, everything too perfect.
As soon as the hour was up, I silently walked out to Dad’s car. We didn’t speak on the way home. He didn’t ask any questions, and I didn’t volunteer any information.
Therapy had made me feel worse than I did before I walked into that office.
The entire time I’d sat in silence, she made notes. Every time she asked me a question and I didn’t answer her, she wrote some more.
I wanted to smack her with that clipboard and stab her in the fucking eye with that stupid pen.
When we got home, I walked up the stairs past everyone and went to bed.
I just wanted to be left alone.
* * *
Dad was standingin the kitchen when I walked in to grab a bottle of water. Jacob was due to pick me up any minute now. I knew he and my brother had come up with this plan to drive me to and from school because they were worried about me killing myself in a car accident, but I didn’t say anything, didn’t let them know I knew.
If I really wanted to kill myself, I would have done it already. And though the thought came to me every fucking day, I resisted. I didn’t want to hurt my family more than I already was.
“You have another therapy appointment today,” Dad told me. I frowned down at my water, unable to look at him. “Your therapist emailed me, thought it would be a good idea to do another session. She said you weren’t very responsive.”
“She’s not very helpful either,” I muttered, hoping he wouldn’t hear me, but of course, he did. Dad heard everything. He used to say it was a gift you got when you became a dad. I used to snort and call him on his bullshit. But now, I wasn’t so sure.
“Bailey, you have to be willing to get help for her to be helpful,” he reminded me.
I sighed, not wanting to argue about it. Dad drew me into an unexpected hug. Tears burned in my eyes, and I rapidly blinked them back as I wrapped my arms around his torso. “I’m extremely worried about you, Bailey. I almost lost your brother because I didn’t pay attention to the signs.” My throat closed up as my mind flashed back to finding Trent in a pool of his own blood. “I don’t want to make the same mistake with you. I’m terrified if I do, I’ll lose you.”
I squeezed him, my heart clenching in my chest. I hated making Dad upset. He was so strong. A fucking hurricane couldn’t blow him over.
But I knew losing me or Trent would cripple him.
“I love you, Dad,” I said quietly.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “You’re my world, Bailey. If shit gets to be too dark, promise me you’ll come to me.”
I didn’t say a word because I didn’t like making promises I didn’t know if I could keep.
* * *
Jacob leanedagainst the locker next to mine as he waited on me to swap out my textbooks. “You’re quiet today,” he noted.
I just looked at him. Lately, I was always quiet. He should have known that by now, especially since he was with me most of the day.
He frowned. “More than usual, Bailey,” he told me. “How did the therapy appointment go?”
I just shrugged. It didn’t go anywhere. Her questions just made me feel more like shit.
How do you feel about the father not being in the picture?
How do you feel about your pregnancy?
There are other options besides abortion and keeping the baby.
Didn’t matter about adoption. By the time I had this baby, the damage would already be done. Mentally, I wasn’t surviving this. And if my mind eventually had its way, I wouldn’t be surviving this physically either.
