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I don’t recognize the feeling that hits me in the stomach just then. Irritation? Anger? Pain?
None of those, I realize. It’s a new one for me, and as awful as all the songs and movies make it out to be:
Jealousy.
To say that it’s unpleasant would be an understatement, but another realization is just as jarring as how much I don’t want to even think about him with someone else:
It’s that I don’t want to be with anyone else either.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Tuesday, October 18
A week later, I’m bursting with news. Good news, big news, the kind that I’d normally go straight to my mom or Collette with.
Instead, I find myself calling Thomas’s cell as I step out of the Elodie headquarters and walk the couple of streets over to Central Park. Calling, not even texting. I recognize myself a little less every day, and yet at the same time, I feel more myself than ever.
“Is it done?” he says after the first ring.
“It’s final. I just signed.”
“Hell yes!” he says with heartfelt enthusiasm. “I told you they’d go for your counter offer!”
I hadn’t taken the senior manager position that Christina offered. In fact, I’d been quite blunt in telling them that I didn’t think it should even be a position.
There was a reason that nobody stayed in the role for more than six months, with Thomas’s case being the most extreme, but not the first:
That person doesn’t have anything to do other than babysit us creative types, and I’ll be the first to admit that we can be a little eccentric and delicate-flower when it comes to our work. But the company was making a misstep every time they prioritized bringing in someone with management experience instead of design experience.
Granted, I as a designer myself would have been a step in the right direction, but I also didn’t want to give up something I loved (designing) in exchange for sitting in meetings all day with no actual deliverables. Not only for my own sake, but after six years on this team, I know it’s also not what the team needs.
To say nothing of the fact that the position had to be downright miserable, because it was essentially a glorified go-between. More often than not, even when there was someone in the position, Christina had gone straight to myself, or to Layla or Sadie, the next two senior members for quicker results.
So I suggested an alternate structure. Instead of stepping into the shoes of Senior Manager, Web Design, I proposed a brand new role altogether: Director of Digital Strategy.
That’s right. I went from not sure I wanted a promotion at all to suggesting they bump me up two levels, which would put me on the same tier as Christina.
And this is where I owe Thomas big time, because he’d walked me through how to position the proposal. Not just with a new position and a promotion for me, but a new position and a promotion for Christina, who would become senior director of web marketing.
It would free Christina up from the day-to-day grit of our team, which I knew she would like. It freed me up to deliver an actual something—strategy—and also do what I’d loved so much about the C&S side project, liaising with third parties, and looking at the Elodie online presence as it presents on the entire web, not just our internal website.
And, as one last little twist, instead of eight direct reports, I’ll only have three, with Sadie taking on a new position as manager of the copyediting team, and Layla, manager of the graphic design team.
Honestly? I hadn’t been holding my breath. It had all seemed like too much. Or maybe I hadn’t held my breath because I was aware I wanted it just a tiny bit too much and had wanted to mitigate the disappointment.
But they’d gone for it. I’d presented the idea to Christina yesterday afternoon. She’d taken it to her leadership this morning. And . . .
It’s happening.
It’s actually happening.
“How do you feel?” Thomas asks, and I sort of adore him for asking, for understanding that this is one hell of a pivot for me.
“I feel . . . really good,” I say, with a happy laugh. “I’m surprised to hear myself say it, honestly. Last week, a promotion sounded like my worst nightmare—”
“That promotion,” Thomas corrects. “That promotion wasn’t right. This one is. Sometimes the perfect fit comes from discovering something we didn’t know existed. Could exist.”
“That’s very deep,” I say, intentionally keeping my voice teasing, because I’m pretty sure there’s a chance he’s not just talking about my new job. And I’m not ready to think about that, much less talk about it.
“How about we celebrate?” he asks, letting me off the hook. “Or is it too early?”
“Christina told me to head out, go relish my last few days as Mac Austin, senior web designer. So heck yes, take me somewhere nice!”
