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Chapter6
Cindy was again on pins and needles at work the next day, counting down until six thirty, when Jace would move into her house. He’d said he didn’t have much more than clothes and a few personal items, so it wouldn’t take long to move in. After her last client left, she cleaned up and headed for the grocery store to get some chicken to grill and vegetables for a salad.
She was walking home when it occurred to her that she might be trying too hard to properly welcome her new roommate.
Ugh, she’d been a red-hot mess all day, spilling a full container of hair color down the front of herself and ruining an apron, knocking a cup of hot tea over and just barely missing her own foot with the hot water and messing up the computer to the point that Chloe had to come do a rescue.
All this nonsense over a new roommate. Ridiculous. She’d also been plagued all day by memories of her father accusing her of being “easy” with boys just because she’d gotten a lot of attention from them when she was younger. How had that been her fault? Her dad had been incensed by the boys who’d called the house or surrounded her in public. It had been the same for Julia and Katie, who’d withstood his torture together.
By the time it had happened to her, her sisters had been out of the house and living on their own. She’d had to fend him off by herself, telling him all the time that she’d done nothing to encourage the attention she received. That hadn’t mattered to a man who’d raged that he refused to have “sluts for daughters.”
His words had done lasting damage. So much so that she was afraid she was going overboard by making dinner to welcome her new male roommate. She cringed to think of what her father would have to say about her living with a man she wasn’t married to. It amazed her that, after years of being free of him, he could still have such a loud voice inside her head. It would please him endlessly to know his impact on her remained strong after all this time, which was why she refused to allow him to dictate how she led her life as an adult free of his abusive behavior.
She wished her mother’s supportive voice could drown out her father’s insults, but that had never been the case. The Lawry kids had lived under the dark cloud of Mark Lawry’s tirades for so long, they’d all had trouble escaping the hold he had on them, even when he’d no longer been in their daily lives. Each of them had struggled in one way or another.
Cindy was convinced that her lifelong battle with migraines had come from living with unbearable stress for the first eighteen years of her life. They’d started when she was eight, shortly after she’d witnessed her father break Owen’s arm in an altercation that her father lied about when he took Owen to the ER to have his arm set. That was the first time she vividly recalled realizing who her father really was. The migraines had started shortly afterward.
He’d told her to quit her whining and get her ass out of bed. She’d been forced to go to school with a migraine more times than she could count. Even when the school nurse had called home to suggest they come get her, the general had forbidden her mother to do so. Cindy had been forced to suffer through school, after-school activities, homework, dinner and chores before she could go to bed and find some relief.
It’d been torturous.
Once, she’d overheard the school nurse suggesting to someone that her parents be reported to child services, but that never happened, because of who her father was in the community. In the military towns where they’d lived, it was highly likely that the people who should’ve been helping Cindy and her siblings were married to someone who reported to the father who was abusing them. They’d run into that problem time and again. Every time someone should’ve done the right thing by them, they hadn’t.
Owen had lied to the young officer who’d treated his broken arm, knowing the man’s career would’ve been ruined if he’d tried to intervene.
Their long nightmare ended when their father was locked up like the criminal he was. All this time later, Cindy still had moments when she couldn’t believe it was finally over. But days like today, when his voice was so loud in her head, she knew it would never truly be over.
“Cin?”
Cindy looked up to realize she’d nearly walked past Julia on the sidewalk. “Oh, hi.”
“Jeez, where were you? I waved to you five minutes ago when I saw you coming, and you never blinked.”
“I was actually stuck thinking about the bad stuff.”
“What the hell for?”
Cindy shrugged. “Just sort of happened.”
Julia took her by the arm and walked them to a park bench across the street that looked down over the ferry landing. Pupwell trotted along with them, in step with Julia as always.
“Don’t you have to get to the Surf?”
“I’ve got time. What’s going on?”
“Jace is moving in tonight.”
“Okay… So why does that take you to the bad stuff?”
“Just thinking about the shit Dad used to say about boys and what he’d think of me living with a man I’m not married to.”
“Once again, I say fuck him. Who cares what he’d say?”
“I don’t care. It’s just that sometimes I can hear him bellowing in my head, whether I want to or not.”
Julia sighed. “Yeah, I know what you mean. His bellow drove me to an eating disorder when he would rage about having a fat daughter.”
“And you were never fat.”
