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I didn't want to think about it.
Thirty minutes later, we were hustling through Rogues Division. I was called into the briefing room, but Saff headed for Gabe's office. "Are you okay?" I asked.
“I guess so. We'll find out what’s going on.”
I didn't want to let her go. “Be careful, okay?"
"Same goes for you."
As she walked away, my heart squeezed at the idea that I might not see her again.
* * *
Saffron
I partedways with Lock and headed to my brother's office. He was pacing when I walked in. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"Thanks to your little stunt earlier we have a fucking problem."
“I swear to God, if you called me in here to give me bullshit, you can fuck right off. It’s two in the morning, Gabe. Neither one of us has time for bullshit right now."
"When will you understand that Oversight doesn’t give a fuck whether you die or not. They want you in the goddamned field. I got the chewing out of a lifetime because I was protecting you."
I was not here for the fuckery today. "No, Gabe, you were trying to look good. You don't care about me."
"Why do you think I’ve been doing this? I'm trying to keep you bloody alive, goddamn it. Just because you don't have the good sense to run away from this place."
“Gabe, has it ever occurred to you that you never once asked me what I wanted? You never asked me how I feel. You presumed to know. Even Mum and Dad weren't this bad. Yes, Rogues Division is my legacy, but you just assumed control of everything, and now it's blowing up in your face. What's the mission?"
His hands were shaking as he ran them through his hair. “We aren’t waiting for the awards show in LA. You're going back in the field with Lachlan now. Graciella is in New York. Oversight wants you to make the approach there."
“Maybe next time deliver the message without any of the additional bullshit.”
He sighed. “For the love of God, I was wrong, okay? You have to understand, you are my responsibility. And if I lose you, I’ll have failed. And every time I turn around, there you are trying to do something to put yourself into more danger."
“It's not your call. You're my brother, and I love you, but it's not your call. Every time you make a decision for me, you're taking away my agency, and that sucks."
"Well, you got your wish. You are a full-fledged field agent, effective immediately.”
My heart stopped and something clogged my throat, making breathing impossible. “What?”
“If I had my way, you would never see the field."
“You recognize that makes me leery, right? Because the only way to hold your job is to have field experience."
“You think I’m keeping you out of the field because of job security?"
"What am I supposed to think?"
He shook his head, his shoulders hunching as if he was tired. “If that's what you really think of me… Maybe I deserve that."
“Is my team briefing right now?"
“Yes." With a huff, he added, “You may hate me right now, you may be pissed the fuck off. I don't really care. But you fucking stay alive in the field, do you hear me? Because if you do not, I will revive you and kill you myself."
I could see pain in his face. He was trying to protect me. He’d just gone about it the entirely wrong way. I was finally getting my wish. I was going in the field. And I was getting this much closer to getting vengeance for my family.
I reached the door, and he stopped me. "Will you ever forgive me?"
