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She frowned at me. “Our mission is all that matters. Yes, there’s some risk, but I will call it in and get it cleared. Right now that’s the job.”
“Are you so desperate to prove Gabe wrong that you’re willing to throw yourself headlong into danger?"
The moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d made a huge mistake.
“This is the gig, Lock. We catch the bad guys. And we don’t give up. That’s what you signed up for. It’s what we all signed up for. Either you’re with the team or you’re not.”
I ground my teeth together in frustration. “You keep saying these things to me about teamwork. But what happens when your team leader can’t see the bloody forest for the trees? Your single-minded focus could get us all killed."
“It’s a matter of trust. When we go into the field, there are orders for a reason. Now if you’re too injured to go back out, fair enough. Get back to the safe house. The rest of us are going after Webster and Graciella.”
Tabs glanced between us, and so did Saint as he popped up out of bed. "Well, I’m not that hurt, so Tabs, why don't you help me find something to eat. Then we’ll figure out what this Highland business is."
When the two of them were gone, Saff turned to me. "Look, I know it's been a hell of a day. Nothing has gone right, but we are on a mission."
I shook my head stubbornly. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch the woman you care about nearly get blown up? I can’t watch that again, Saff.”
“You have to trust that I’m actually good at my job."
The next words out of my mouth were born of fear and worry. “Maybe Gabe was right. You’re not thinking clearly, and you’re going to get yourself killed.”
She jerked as if I’d slapped her. “I think one of us is experiencing an overwhelm of emotions right now. Newsflash, it’s not me. Like I said, we’re going after them. If you’re not up to it, head back to the safe house. But this mission is still on.”
I knew I was saying exactly the wrong things. I knew that I was fucking this up. But panic had me by the balls, and I couldn’t let her walk into danger. I had to say something. I had to do something. ”This is reckless, Saff. Maybe we should call this in and get our directive from Gabe.”
She blinked at me slowly and said. “You don't believe in me."
My heart sank. “I'm not saying I don't believe in you. I’m saying maybe your judgment is compromised."
Way to keep digging yourself a hole there.
She crossed her arms. "We are field agents. We could die any day. I'm not going into this with zero intel. We are the team on the ground. And last I checked, I was mission lead."
I pursed my lips then. "Right. Back to that again. You're taking risks I am not comfortable with you taking."
“You sound just like Gabe."
“I never thought I’d say this, but maybe he's right."
She flinched. “Wow. Tell me how you really feel.”
When she turned to leave, I grabbed her hand. “Don't do this, Saff. It feels like a trap."
“I have to follow my instincts on this one," she said and pulled her hands free.
At the end of the day, she was there to be a field agent, not the woman I loved. But all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and keep her safe, whether she wanted it or not. And to prevent that from happening, I let her walk out the door.
