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SAFFRON
Insomnia was a bitch.I’d been steering clear of Lock all day as much as I could. And trying not to see Gabe. But when I’d tried to sleep, the turmoil in my brain and heart had kept me up.
Tabs found me on the first floor kitchen. How did people even have relationships with this life?
Are you asking for a friend?
No.
Tabatha hopped up on the counter and swung her feet. "So, you want to talk about it?"
I grabbed the ingredients for cookies. Flour. Sugar. Vanilla. Eggs. Chocolate chips. “No, I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay, who said we're going to make chocolate chip cookies? Honestly, are you going to eat all of these?"
“I don't know. Baking helps me relax."
I started cracking the eggs and she studied me. "Trouble in paradise? I’ve been thinking, since it’s clearly eating at you, would it be the end of the world if he knew about the night you guys spent together?"
I slid her a sidelong glance. “Yes, it would."
I didn't know how else to explain it to her. There was a sense of security in him not knowing. That tension that crackled between us was just curiosity as far as he was aware. He wouldn't attribute it to any feelings I had buried. But if he knew, God… That would just be worse. And I would be humiliated.
"So what are you not telling me? I mean, how good can a dick really be anyway?"
I slid her a glance. "Tabs."
"What? So you shagged once, and then he promptly forgot about it. But we know it wasn’t his fault."
"The worst thing is that I can tell he doesn't want me to do this with him. I think he wants me to say no. I can see him waiting for me to say no. And I don't want to. I just wanted Gabe to put someone else in. Put in Saint. Saint is good. Or Rook. He looks like I could crack him in two, but I like him. He's earnest."
“You know what we can do to earnest."
"Tabs."
"What? He's cute."
"He is very cute. But so young. I think he's, what, nineteen?"
"And what? At the ripe old age of twenty-two, you are far wiser than him?"
"Okay, fine. Hardy-har. I've just been doing this my whole life, that's all."
Tabs rolled her eyes. "Honey, I know. Look, you have a chance here to prove yourself. This is your chance to shine. Are you really going to give it up because you shagged a bad boy and he didn't call after?"
“It was I who didn't call him."
"Even better."
"Except, he doesn't know I’m better."
"Honey, we take our wins where we can get them. He knows you're a killer agent. Are you really going to give him the satisfaction of making you run from the things that you're going to be great at?"
I licked my lips. "Ugh, he's just so annoying."
"Who knows? On missions, people sometimes get close."
I glowered at her. “It's the last thing I want."
