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SAFFRON
Of course I told Tabatha.I kept telling myself I was calling her for advice because she had experience as a field agent. But really, obviously, I had just kissed the man I fancied, and I needed someone to dish about it with.
After the rigamarole of entering all the clearance codes, Tabatha answered on the second ring.
“Hey, how's it going?”
“Good as can be expected. I will say Massimo is very creepy. He looks at me like I’m a gelato on a hot summer day.”
Tabatha, best friend that she was, made gagging noises. “I've seen photos of Massimo. He's not necessarily bad looking, but there's something very sweaty looking about him. Is that wrong?”
“No, that's exactly it. Look, he's Italian, tan skin, dark hair, deep-set eyes. But it's like it's all paired together wrong. You can see in a photo how some women would find him handsome, but in person there's this slick quality to him. I can't explain it, but I do not want to be left alone with him.”
“And how is it going with your delectable husband? They say the first year of living with someone can be the true test of a relationship.”
“Oh, very funny. He's fine. Except yesterday…” I let my voice trail off.
Tabatha took off running with that kernel of gossip. “Oh my God, we wasted time on all the niceties for the last whole minute. Tell me everything. Did you two shag?”
“What? No. But we did kiss.”
On the other end of the line, Tabatha whooped. “I knew it. I knew being in paradise would ignite the passion. And does he remember?”
“You said yourself, the effects of the drug we gave him are like GHB. He won't remember. And I very much think the kiss was for the mission, not because he wanted to.”
“Bullshit. Was there tongue?”
I thought back to the way his tongue slid over mine. The way his hand fisted in my hair, tugging just a little to give enough bite to excite me but not so much as to hurt. I thought of the way he groaned low in his throat. And I thought of the way the thick pulsing length of his erection had nestled up against my core, practically begging for entrance. But I didn't tell Tabatha any of this. Instead, I just said, “Yes, there was tongue.”
There was more whooping on the other end of the line. “Honey, he's so into you. Even if he doesn't remember. This is some love shit.”
There was no way I was entertaining this line of conversation. “No, this is some chemistry shit. We find each other attractive. How do you do it? You've been on missions where you have to pretend to be the girlfriend of someone. How do you pretend and not get a little affected?”
Tabatha sighed. “Honey, that's very different. Sure, maybe I find my fake person attractive. But I look at it like an acting job. You and Lachlan actually have a thing, so it's going to be harder for you to separate fact from fiction.”
“That was the last thing on earth I wanted to hear from you.”
She laughed softly. “I'm sorry. I wish I could give you, if not good news, easy news. But there is no easy news. You two will just need to figure out your feelings.”
“That's just it. I'm trying to ignore my feelings, thank you very much. There was nothing wrong with Elsa and her conceal-don't-feel methodology.”
“Yes, but we all know how that ended up. Stuffing your feelings is never good. You have to look at them and deal with them properly. And in your case dealing with it might involve just shagging him and getting him out of your system.”
I laughed. “You're no help.”
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't tease you. But I do think you should shag him. Because orgasms are good for everybody. And it will be like a reset. Maybe that can be your starting point.”
I groaned and rolled around in the bed, pulling the pillow over my face. “This was not helpful.”
“On the contrary, I find this very helpful. Now I have the play-by-play. So how are you going to play it when you see him this morning? Cool, casual, completely unbothered? Or are you going to really lean in, give him another smack on the lips and see what happens?”
“You would really like that wouldn't you?”
“I would actually.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, I am going to play it cool. This is a mission. And I need to remember that. This isn't real, and I can't have Lachlan.”
“Well, if you insist on being boring, fine. You wanted my advice, and I gave it. Enjoy this time. Really lean in. Get him out of your system, get some orgasms in, then go back to your normally scheduled programming.”
