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The first time I connected the dots of wanting more of his hugs to wanting more of him, period, we’d been on a video chat. I’d been upset about some guy who’d ghosted me and he said he was sorry he couldn’t give me a hug. I remembered thinking how much I wanted one from him and knowing he really would hug me if he wasn’t several hours away. It was such a small moment in the course of our friendship, but that’s when that first spark of attraction started. I’d been with other guys, some seriously, and he’d been with Erin forever, so I’d learned to ignore it, but it was always there, that feeling that Silas’s arms around me would always make things better. His solid body near me always had.
Now he was in a grumpy mood since I made him spy with me. So I got a stiff, awkward Silas next to me as we approached the counter.
“How can I help you?” Mara greeted us. The gold name tag said she/her under her name. “Refill?”
“No,” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Silas wasn’t going to help me at all and I guessed I deserved that. “This will sound odd, but I’m just wondering if either of you lost a note in the candy shop down the hall.”
Mara looked confused and shook her head. “Katie, did you lose a note in the candy shop?”
Katie approached the counter, and I didn’t care what Silas said—there were vibes between these two. “Nope. Never been in there. What kind of note?”
I was a little relieved the note wasn’t theirs, only because it meant we got to keep trying to figure it out and it distracted me from the realization that I was going to be leaving Silas for five months. “Dang,” I said, looking at Silas for a moment before turning back to them. “We found a pros and cons list. Looks like someone was deciding to tell someone else how they felt who also works in the airport, and we wondered if it might be you two.”
Mara glanced over her shoulder at Katie and then back to us. “Uh, nope. Sorry. Why did you think it was us?”
Silas poked me out of view of the baristas, since he’d already made fun of me for not having a great answer other than creeping on them.
“We’re just asking everyone at this point,” I lied.
Mara glanced at her friend and then back to us with a shrug. “I hope you find the owner. It’s really hard when you can’t tell someone how you feel about them.”
“You’re right,” I said, avoiding a glance at Silas. “Thanks, anyway!”
I reluctantly turned on my heel, tugging on Silas’s arm.
His voice was pitched low so they couldn’t hear us. “Sorry it’s another strike.”
“Me, too. I—” I stopped and slowed my pace, listening in on the two baristas behind us.
I was pretty sure it was Mara who spoke first. “That was kind of weird.”
“Yeah.” Katie’s voice was a little higher. “But, um, funny thing is...”
I was moving at a glacial pace now, waiting for Mara’s response. “Really?”
The disembodied voice reminding people to keep an eye on their luggage and sounds of coffee brewing in the background were the soundtrack to the baristas’ heart-to-heart, and I reached behind me to swat Silas’s poking finger away as he tried to prod me forward, our fingertips brushing.
“We’re such good friends, so I wasn’t sure, but, yeah... I’ve been into you for a long time.”
I swallowed my “aw,” pressed my fingers over my smile, and poked Silas back, subtly motioning to the counter.
“I’ve... been into you, too.” The two grinned at each other and their fingers almost touched. “I never knew how to say it.”
Silas cleared his throat and I could have killed him for ruining the moment, not that either of them seemed to hear us. Really, he was just ruining my ability to spy on the private moment. “We should probably leave them to it, Teag.”
We walked away toward his counter and the shop, Silas still holding his cold coffee. “Well,” I said. “I think an ‘I told you so’ is in order.”
“You could not have predicted that would happen. You got lucky. That could have been super awkward.”
I brushed off his comment, though he was right. “Young love, though! And just blurting it out like that? Admitting it? I’m impressed. I’ve never been that brave.”
I bit the inside of my cheek because I’d maybe said too much. There’d been a time—there’d been lots of times—when I thought about telling Silas I wanted more than friendship, but then he was attached or I was attached and it wasn’t worth the risk. Out timing was always off.
In my periphery, Silas straightened his tie, his hand moving down toward his taught stomach. He’d gotten into working out during the pandemic. Before then, I’d always liked that he was a little soft in the middle, but from the few times I’d seen him without a shirt on or when he’d posted on social media, I knew Silas was now kind of ripped. I averted my thirsty gaze and looked back at his face. “Anyway, you know I avoid awkward through sheer force of will.”
He looked at me, eyes soft but assessing. “Yeah,” he said, looking ahead again. “I know.”
