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She frowned. “I know.”
“Let me get you something to clean you up,” I said.
I went into the bathroom across the hall and grabbed a washcloth. I ran warm water over it and brought it to her. It shouldn’t have been erotic, watching her clean my cum off her naked body, but it was. She set the washcloth down on the bedside table and leaned back on the bed with a sigh.
I kissed her again as we lay side-by-side in the bed. I kissed her neck where my hands had been and pushed her hair out of her face. Aftercare was always important to me.
“Okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes, but thanks for asking.”
“I wasn’t too rough?” I asked and continued to press small kisses against her skin.
She shook her head. “No, you knew exactly what you were doing. I trusted you.”
The rain outside had finally stopped, but the power hadn’t come back on. I laid on my back and pulled her across my chest. I tried to tell myself not to notice how she fit so perfectly in my arms.
“I needed to feel loved tonight,” she whispered.
I sighed. “Gemma, I can’t give you what you want.”
“I know. I’m not stupid. I’m not gonna let you break my heart a third time.”
I couldn’t ask her what she meant because she fell asleep shortly after, with her head on my chest, like she belonged there. I ran my hands through her hair and thought about what she said. I never should’ve slept with Gemma, and I had done it twice already. No wonder she hated me. I was such a dick.
I woke to a freezing bedroom, but Gemma wasn’t next to me anymore. The power must have come back on when we fell asleep. I scrubbed a hand over my face and smoothed down my beard.
We shouldn’t have done that. I made the situation between us worse.
I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I couldn’t give her the time and attention she deserved. Gemma needed a partner who could dote on her. A partner that gave her the world, and that wasn’t me.
I rolled out of bed and went downstairs to find Gemma in the kitchen, making coffee and breakfast.
“Last night shouldn’t have happened,” she said firmly when she heard my footsteps.
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be. I was sad and lonely, and I needed comfort, but it’s not happening ever again. I still hate you.”
“Gemma.”
“Save it,” she snapped. “We both knew it was a mistake, and it can’t happen again. “
I nodded. “Okay, whatever you want. I—I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It’s okay. I practically begged you to fuck me. I was sad and missing my mom, and I needed you to fuck the sadness out of me.”
I nodded and watched her sip her coffee. I didn’t think she remembered saying I broke her heart.
“It won’t happen again,” I said.
She stared at me for a moment. “Okay, BYE!”
I wanted to laugh at that. No amount of orgasms made this woman’s attitude towards me change. I guess I should have been happy about that. Gemma wanted a partner, but I couldn’t give her that.
I didn’t stay to have breakfast with her, sensing she needed me to get out of her face. I drove into town and went to the coffee shop. The cheery blonde barista already knew me by name and gave me a big smile when I walked in. I ordered a black coffee and a pastry and sat at the window, lost in thought.
I pulled out my phone and texted Ryan.
