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But I shook my head. “That’s not how it works,” I said, noting how tight my throat felt. “I really won’t see any of you again after today.”
Connie shook her head, like she just couldn’t make sense of that.
Poor Doc and Connie. They had a lot to take in.
And that’s when I decided to go ahead and say something real. “I know the timing’s very odd,” I said. “But since it’s my last chance to say it, I want you to know that this was a highly atypical assignment for me. I never, ever get attached to clients. But I got very attached to you.”
“To me?” Connie asked.
“To all of you. In different ways,” I said—and then I hadn’t planned to say this, but before I knew it, it was happening: “My mom died this year, and being with you has been very… meaningful for me.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Connie said, reaching for my hand and pressing it between hers.
“She wasn’t anything like you,” I found myself saying. “She was troubled. And difficult. And she always made things worse instead of better. You don’t remind me of her, but…” My throat felt thick, but I kept going. “I guess you remind me of the mom I always wished I had.”
Connie met my eyes. “I’m glad I could be that for you.”
“While I was here,” I went on, “I felt like I had a family.” I took a breath. “My childhood wasn’t…” I didn’t know what to say. “I guess I never knew what a loving family felt like. And even though…” I felt my voice starting to tremble. “Even though I won’t be able to be a part of this one in the future, I loved being with you. And I’m just so grateful to know that families like yours even exist.”
I took a deep breath and held it, trying to settle myself. But there was one more thing.
“I’ll miss you, is what I’m trying to say. Genuinely.”
“What about Jack?” Connie asked. “Will you miss him?”
I debated how much to confess. “I will,” I said. That seemed like plenty.
“He likes you. I can tell.”
But here we were, at the end. I wouldn’t even let myself wish that were true. Instead, I shook my head. “I think maybe,” I said, “he’s a much better actor than you think.”
