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TWELVE
Matthew
I wanted to hold her again. Wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go.
It seemed like even if I was determined to get this girl out of my head, she was all I could think about.About the little redhead who was beautiful and passionate and whose eyes lit up when she smiled. And after we spent the day together, after she had opened herself up to me, told me about her past… I couldn’t bring myself to stop it. In over a month, I had come to enjoy seeing her smile. And I was positive that I liked her in every way that I shouldn’t.
I had never considered myself a very observant person, but over the last few weeks, somehow I had learned Noelle’s schedule. And I couldn’t help myself from going to the coffee shop in the mornings when I knew she would be there, sitting at a table, working on her laptop as she sipped her coffee and ate her morning treat. I loved sitting there, across from her, watching her work. I couldn’t help it. I loved watching the way her eyes lit up when she talked with others.
She was loud, opinionated, and sometimes, a bit of a brat—but she never held back. She was never scared of asking questions or speaking her mind. And she was caring, and always went out of her way to help people. I had seen her talking to her residents, and it was so unmistakably there how much she cared for them. Noelle always seemed to know just what someone needed, and it always made me smile when you could tell someone made her day. It was almost like she was floating. Noelle just had this… joyful magic to her, and I enjoyed it more than I could describe
.
That was what I liked about her so much. How she was not only beautiful but thoughtful. One-of-a-kind.
And… then there was her body, the sight that had driven me mad with lust from the first day. I wanted to have her, wanted to touch her. I hated how much I wanted her. God, I hated that I liked it, how every time I closed my eyes at night all I could see was her curvy body and her throwing that perfect red hair over her shoulder. The truth was, I didn’t hate it at all. I loved the way she dressed—every garment hugging her curves, showing off her perfect hourglass figure, even underneath the sweaters or turtlenecks she had so often worn due to the cold climate of winter in Oregon. I loved how beautiful she was—enchanting. She was absolutely, breathtakingly, enchanting.
I knew there was something there—that she was attracted to me, that this spark between us went both ways… I could feel it. But we hadn’t talked about it. And… was she even interested in me like that, anyway? I was beginning to wonder what I wanted with her, but I couldn’t have any of that if she didn’t want it with me.
She was still in her twenties, too young to want to be tied down to someone like me, right? To a thirty-year-old who sought stability, who couldn’t help but think about settling down. Finding a wife. Noelle had her whole life ahead of her to figure out what she wanted, and well… I was pretty sure that I wasn’t it.
And it was crazy, wasn’t it? That I was even thinking this way because for so long, I’d been so resolutely against the idea of being with someone. I was still worried, of course, because loving someone meant that you could lose them, but the closer I got to Noelle, the more I wondered. If this would be the one. If she was the one girl who was worth it.
But where did I even start? I hated to admit that I didn’t have very much experience with this kind of thing—with relationships. Sure, I had a few casual relationships. I had been with enough women to know what I was doing in bed, but other than that, I hadn’t felt like I needed to go and seek out women. I always had one excuse or another why it wouldn’t work out.
And I didn’t want that to happen with Noelle.
After my parents died my sophomore year of college, I just buried myself in my studies, and over time I wondered if I was simply finding reasons to not risk getting my heart broken, or if I just wasn’t interested in the girls I met.
But then there was Noelle, standing in front of me, and I didn’t think there had ever been a woman in my life that I had wanted more than I wanted her.Was I just interested in her because of the thrill of the chase? Or was it something more that had caused her image to be burned into my mind?
As we said goodbye, after I had hugged her and thanked her for the day, she had turned to walk back into her dorm. And I hadn’t moved from my spot, just watching her walk away, until—About dinner, she had said.
And I didn’t know why my stomach had dropped, but it had. My eyes had dropped to my feet on the pavement before I felt her stare boring into my soul. I’d love to. My eyes had drifted back up to hers, and the smile on her face was so big, that I almost staggered in response. Even now, I still felt what that smile did to me.
She had lifted her hand to give me a wave, and then slipped back inside her dorm.
I wished I could convince her to give me more time in the day than just these small meetings, these small instances running into her around campus that fueled me. I wanted more days like we had in the coffee shop and then on our walk afterwards. I wanted to have all of her days and all her nights, because I always, always wanted to be surrounded by her bright smile and warm demeanor.
And I wasn’t sure which thought scared me more. That I wanted her by my side or that I was going to have to come up with more excuses to have her close. Something had changed that night at the bar—a newfound protectiveness, even if this girl wasn’t mine. But she felt like it! My brain screamed.
She felt like mine in my arms. Something I had never—not in my thirty years of life—ever experienced. A true, genuine connection with someone. Little sparks that you felt when you touched. It was all there, for the first time, with Noelle.
Now, I just had to figure out how I could keep it. How I could have her—and keep her. Because I didn’t want to let it go or give up on it.
I wanted her. No. I needed her.
~ ~ ~
At seven pm sharp, I stood leaning against my truck, waiting for Noelle to walk out the door and into the chilly night air.
I couldn’t wait to see her. I knew I sounded like a teenager, like all of these hormones pounding through my system must be controlling my brain, but I couldn’t help it. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t ignoring what my body was telling me. And it was telling me that it very much did want Noelle.
And dinner—we were going to dinner. Nothing could dim the grin taking up my face, even as I rubbed at the slight stubble on my jaw.
I probably should have specified that this was a date. Did I need to? Fuck. I was wearing a pair of nice slacks, and a button-up, and had even put on a suit jacket, but I hadn’t told Noelle this was anything other than a meal, had I?
Hadn’t I implied it? Hadn’t she?
