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I rubbed my eyes as I looked up at him, as if he was a hallucination I could just blink away, before closing my laptop lid and staring at him. At this good man who seemed to care about me for reasons that I couldn’t begin to fathom. Finally, I nodded. “Erm. I’m fine.” A lie, but who was I lying to, anyway? Myself?
He certainly didn’t buy it.
“Noelle,” he said again.
“I’m just—I couldn’t sleep last night.” I gave him a sheepish smile. And then, since I was already lying, I figured I’d just keep up the ruse. “I’m trying to juggle everything, but between assignments and my hall director responsibilities and everything, I guess one thing had to give.” I yawned. “I guess it was sleep, but here we are.”
“And my sanity,” he grumbled under his breath. “Noelle. You need to get some sleep,” Matthew ordered, giving me a stern stare. “You shouldn’t be falling asleep in here. And I definitely don’t want you falling asleep in one of your classes.”
As if I wanted to be dozing in a public space. I was embarrassed enough about this, let alone the fact that he was standing here concerned about my sleep schedule.Even though I hadn’t been able to get a wink of sleep in because of him. Because my body was on fire, and I couldn’t stop my heart from racing at the mere thought of his presence.
“I know…” I frowned. “I’ll try. But I still have a million things to work on and—” I was just making excuses, I knew, because I completely realized the fact that I needed to get some sleep, but I didn’t want to admit that to him as he stood, arms crossed over his chest as he… worried about me? What was happening here?
“Noelle,” he sighed. “I just want you to take care of yourself.”
“You do?” I whispered, and that was when I noticed we were only a breath’s distance apart. Just a little closer and I would be touching him again. If I shifted my body slightly, if I extended my fingers… I could brush them over his arm, could give in to this irresistible pull my body felt whenever I was around this man. “Why?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. Not sure I even would hear his response with the way my body was so focused on him.
“Why?” Matthew repeated back to me, though my eyes were still engrossed with his forearms and his delicious rolled-up shirtsleeves. My eyes flickered back up to his. Right. We were having a conversation here.
“Y-Yes,” I mumbled. “Why do you worry about me?” His eyes were focused on me as he uncrossed his arms from his chest—making me frown at the loss of his sleeves bunched up and his muscles flexing, and I inhaled deeply as I stared at him.
“You’re really asking me why Noelle? You’re going to make me say it? After last night?” He shook his head at me.
I felt my body trembling as I nodded at him. Before I could do anything, he was brushing my arm, the lightest of touch as he dragged the tips of his fingers along my skin. “I… what?”
“I don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he whispered, one of his other fingers coming up to my hair and wrapping around a strand. “How could I not care about you, sweetheart?”
“Matthew…”
“Go home,” he said, more determinedly, tucking the hair behind my ear, fingers lingering on my jaw. “Get some rest, Noelle. I’ll talk to you later,” Matthew promised. “And if you can’t sleep… Will you call me?”
“Okay.” I agreed, and his hands ghosted down my side before landing back on his.
I couldn’t help myself as I reached out and squeezed his hand once before dropping my hand back to my side and turning towards the door. When I turned around to say something else, I saw him shaking his head, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. I thought it sounded a lot like “I didn’t get any sleep either,” but I didn’t want to press the matter. And then he was brushing his big hands through his hair and my brain short-circuited again.
It was such an automatic, involuntary gesture: the way he ran his fingers through his blond locks as he shook his head. Yet I couldn't quite describe what it was doing to my heart. What he was doing to my heart, showing concern for me where hardly anyone outside my small circle of friends ever had.
“I’ll see you later?” I asked, barely a whisper. He nodded.
“Sweet dreams, Noelle.”
Oh, they’d be sweet, indeed. And… Wicked. Very, very wicked.
I turned and walked out without looking back, bag swung over my shoulder, wondering how long I could go without succumbing to this want that was burning in my bones.
~ ~ ~
“Noelle?” Charlotte waved her hand in front of my face as I zoned out—yet again—during lunch. I had to cancel on Saturday because of the zoo field trip, but Charlotte and I always tried to make extra time during the week to hang out, so she had agreed to meet me at the campus cafeteria that Wednesday. Perks of her usually working in the evenings at the dance studio.
“Ugh. I’m sorry.” I rubbed a hand over my face, careful not to ruin my eye makeup. “I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well this week.”
She raised an eyebrow. “That’s not like you. Does this have anything to do with the handsome professor who rescued you from the bar the other night?”
“What?” I asked, maybe a little too quickly. “No.” Maybe.Yes, because you see, I’m pretty sure I’m dating him now, because after I took him with me to the zoo—the zoo! —we had dinner together, and we talked about our dead parents, and now I’m not sure where we stand.
And I haven’t been sleeping enough because I keep lying in bed at night thinking about him, and wishing his hands were—Nope. Not going there.
“The fun part about having known you for the last seven years is that I can tell when you’re lying, Noelle.”
