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EIGHTEEN
Matthew
Holy fuck. My chest was still heaving as I sat at my desk, cheeks flushed as I thought about what I had done to Noelle, right here. In my office.
Damn. It turned out I didn’t even need Elizabeth’s help or advice. I certainly hadn’t expected Noelle to show up at my office, wearing that tiny little skirt and those frustrating lace panties. That were still in my pocket.
Hell. I was going to hell, most definitely.
I had tried not to watch as her retreating figure left the room, tried not to dwell on the emptiness that settled in my chestas she left me after I had just fucked her senseless on my desk.
And what the hell was that?
Who was I doing something like this at my place of employment? But she had gotten into my brain, and all I could see, hear, and feel was her. Her in my arms the night I had carried her into her apartment, drunk as hell; her falling asleep in the bus after the zoo; her when we had kissed; her nipples under my hands—
I groaned out loud. “What the hell is wrong with you, Matthew Harper?”
We hadn’t even been able to keep quiet. I knew we could have been caught, that one of my colleagues could have been there working late or leaving after a late class, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to care, because the girl I wanted was there, and she wanted me, and that’s all I had ever thought for days. Weeks, really. Maybe since I had first seen her on the quad.
And maybe she only wanted to hook up—maybe she wanted something casual. But I had her, and I knew I was going to have to hold on tight to keep her. Because I wanted her in any way I could, and I was terrified she was going to retreat into that big brain of hers and pull away from me. I just had to remind her what was good about us, so that she wouldn’t.
I had to make her realize she couldn’t live without me, just like I had realized I couldn’t live without her.
And fuck if I knew how to do that, I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing her. Of someone else kissing her, touching her, holding her tight at night. Hearing those breathy little sounds she gave off when I was inside of her.
I hadn’t even left office yet, but I couldn’t keep my mind from thinking about her. I hadn’t even told her what I wanted, but I had called her mine.
But she was mine, wasn’t she? She felt like mine. Any time I wrapped her up in my arms, the world felt calm. Like everything was going to be okay. Like as long as I had her in my life, the sun would keep shining down on my face. It would be fine. It had to be.
Because there was no way I was going to let her go.
~ ~ ~
There was one thing I did know, however, and that was that I was quite sure there was nothing I enjoyed more than watching Noelle just be. It felt like pure sunshine every time she smiled, every time she shared it with me. Even getting to see it, getting to witness it… I was simply happy to be there in the moment with her.
And every so often, the way she glanced up at me, and I would catch this look in her eyes… She would glance at my lips, and I couldn’t mistake the longing there, the heat in her warm brown gaze, and I wondered if she could see it back in the way I had always caught myself staring at her, admiring her bravery and her tenacity.
It was like the universe had plans for us. Like there was some invisible force, even now, still nudging us together. Even now, after we had slept together. I was a mess inside the whole next day, and it seemed like every time I left my office I just kept wanting to see her. Everywhere I went; even more so than I did before all of this. Everywhere I turned, there she was. Us at the library. Me rescuing her at the bar. At our gazebo. Every kiss we had shared in front of her dorm.
And then, like an answer to some unspoken request, a miracle answered and granted, there she was: typing away furiously at the cafeteria on campus as a plate of food sat next to her, untouched.
Had I ever spent a day at work so entirely distracted and utterly useless? I didn’t think so. I was surprised I made it through my lectures without stumbling on my words or losing my train of thought. I had been way less patient with everyone today, though, and I thought I knew why. I hadn’t heard from her.
Not one peep—no text, no call, no Hi, Matthew, I know I had your dick inside me yesterday, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Nothing.
After I had finished all my classes and office hours on campus for the day, I couldn’t help it anymore. I hoped that she wasn’t on duty tonight, and I gave in to the voice in my head. The one that was still screaming at me that the one thing it wanted to do was fucking talk to this girl. I listened to the part of me that was telling me to just do it because I wanted to. Because I’d been thinking the same thing for months. And even though we had kissed, even though I had been inside of her… I wanted more than just lingering stares and accidental brushes of our hands and a few kisses underneath the stars. This redhead who filled my thoughts and whose small smile I hadn’t been able to get out of my brain since the first day of classes—I wanted all of it with her. I wanted a lifetime of kisses. A lifetime of laughter.
So, fuck it. I texted her.
Me: Noelle. Did you eat anything yet today?
Noelle: No. I’ve been too busy with work.
Me: Where are you at? We’re going to dinner.
Noelle: Matthew.
Noelle: You’re not even giving me a choice??
