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“Oh, Danni.” Nicole moved forward to hug her, but Danni pushed her away.
“Let me finish. I need to finish. I realized something today. Everyone left me. First Dad, then you, then Dylan. One after the other. Life was so out of balance. I convinced myself that Gabe would leave as well.” She threw her head back and the tearsfell.“I got tunnel vision and couldn’t see any other outcome.”
Nicole folded her arms. “We both made rash decisions for different reasons.”
Danni looked at her mother. “I can see your side of it a little better now.” She sniffled, wiped her eyes. “But Gabe and me. How can I fix it? I was horrible to him. I shoved him away, never really giving the marriage a fair chance.”
Nicole stepped forward again and this time Danni accepted the hug, the tightness and tension she’d felt toward her mother finally dissolving away. She thought, If this is the only thing that comes out of this trip, it was worth it.
“And work... what am I going to do about work?” she said, hating the whine in her voice.
“Problems of life. You might not be able to fix any of it, but God can fix all of it.”
Danni shifted in her mother’s grasp. “How did things get so messed up?”
Nicole let her go and smiled. “I don’t think the why is important. Moving forward with a different outlook is.”
“I don’t know. I’m more confused than ever. Things have changed so much and not for the better. Right now, I simply feel adrift, with no clear guidance in any direction. Oh, I wish Dad was here. Nothing seems clear to me anymore.” Danni fell back into the couch while her mother sat in the recliner again.
Her mother sighed. “Where have you been looking for clarity, for direction?”
Danni put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. “I’ve tried to work things out. Sometimes biking clears my head, but today it didn’t help.”
“Have you stopped to think about where your father would have gone for guidance?”
Danni looked up. She knew the answer, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. “To you?”
“You know better. Yes, we discussed things all the time. But I was not your father’s tether, and I didn’t want to be.”
Danni gave in. “You’re talking about the Bible and prayer.”
Nicole nodded. “Where is your prayer life at? For your father, prayer was his source of strength, guidance, and balance. And prayer got me back on my feet.”
Danni said nothing. She knew this was true about her dad. She knew it and had been trying to avoid it.
She tried to change the subject, not wanting to talk about her prayer life—or lack thereof. She told her mother about Gabe and Yen and all the chaos back home in LaRosa. Her mother listened without interruption. She wasn’t going to let Danni change the subject.
“Gabe and Yen are good friends and colleagues, I agree. But you can’t help them by avoiding the issue of your faith, Danni.”
Danni groaned. “I still believe,” she protested.
“Then you know where to go for answers. God is not the author of confusion.”
Danni threw her head back against the couch, closed her eyes, and stayed silent for a minute.
“I want to help you,” her mother said gently. “I don’t like seeing you tormented and indecisive. It’s not like you. Yesterday you seemed certain you never wanted to go back; you were done being a police officer for people who hated you and you wanted to transition to real estate. Finding out all this about Gabe and Yen changed your mind?”
“I told you I’m confused. Dad would have said quitting is cowardly.”
“Quitting for the wrong reason is.”
“What should I do?”
“A parent’s job is to provide a foundation for a child, not a leash.” Nicole sighed and folded her hands in her lap. “I never wanted your father to be a police officer. I saw the danger and the lack of appreciation in the public at large back then. He was successful as a contractor; we’d simply hit a rough patch. He changed careers because he saw security in being a civil servant.”
“You never told me all this before. I thought you were all for his job change. What about me? Do you wish I’d done something different?”
“Let me finish. He first took the job for the wrong reasons. Becoming a cop because you see a fat pension in thirty years is not a good mindset.”
